Reflections of Love
by Babi
Summary: Meredith broke up with Derek. Alex has feelings he didn't expect. Takes place after Cristina's failed wedding. Meralex
1. Learn You Inside Out

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Reflections of Love – Chapter 1

**Learn You Inside Out**

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"How is coming back as a resident?" asked Richard

"Sounds good." Meredith answered

"Did you have a good time?" he asked

"Yeah, I went to honeymoon with Cristina" she said

"Uhh" he said uncomfortable

She left smirking letting Richard confused

* * *

"Hey, Grey" greeted Alex inside resident's looker room

"Hey Alex. How things have been?" she opening her new locker and moving in her stuff

"Fine. Hawaii?" he asked

"Hot." She answered

"Do we have grocery at home?" she asked after changing on her scrubs

"I think Izzie bought yesterday. Not sure." He said

"Mer" he asked

"What's going on Alex?" she asked feeling his voice unsure

"I have to tell you something" he said

"Spill it out Alex"

"Your half sister is among the new interns" he said straightly

"How come?" she asked

"I was hitting on her and she told me she is Lexie Grey. Some minutes later she asked me if I knew you, I nodded and she told that you were her sister. She is hot"

"Alex, keep away from her. I don't have any sister" she said slamming her locker door and leaving the room

* * *

She headed to the nurse station where she was supposed to meet her own interns within 10 minutes.

"Welcome back, my favorite dirty mistress" he said approaching her

"Hey Mark" she said

"I heard you are in the market again" he smirked

"Seriously. You are can't be serious Mark. Do you really want to get a scar in this goodness' face?" said her giggling

"No. In fact I was thinking maybe we could give some action to this club of us. We would do a great team Grey"

"No. No sleeping with inappropriate men this time." She said trying to avoid eye contact.

* * *

Everybody in the hospital knew she and Derek broke up. She went to Hawaii the day after the wedding and he traveled to New York to meet his family. He came back three days before her and heard the news about her trip.

They have talked just after she declared Burke and Cristina's wedding was over. It was quick but enough

"_So we are over?" he asked_

"_I guess we are" she said lowering her head_

"_Why Meredith? We love each other so why it has to be so complicated?" he asked_

"_I'm not enough for you Derek I never was. I don't need you to say you don't want to breath for me neither to say me that meeting a woman in the bar was the highlight of your week. It makes clear as water that I'm not enough for you and I will stop fighting to be what you expect" she said while tears fell from her eyes to the floor_

"_Meredith, you drowned and I don't…" said him but she cut him off_

"_Stop Derek. It was an accident. You were married and you chose your wife, then you chose to be alone and I see you just choosing someone in the bar. So let's spare both of us from the pain. Sometimes love is not enough" said her leaving to look for Cristina_

* * *

"Grey, Hills, Smithson, Thompson" Alex called as 3 guys and Lexie met him

"I'm Dr Karev and I will be your resident. Take your pagers and follow me" he said

"Adams; Burton, O'Malley and Smith" Meredith called. "I'm Dr Grey and I will be your resident. Here are your pagers. I will show you the hospital and explain you some rules. Please follow me" she said

Derek was looking at her from the stairwell. He thought she would make a great resident as she has a way to teach and to lead people around her. Mark joined his once best friend.

"Any hope?" he asked

"Not sure" Derek sighed shaking his head and leaving upstairs

"Hey" said Callie approaching to Mark

"Hey Callie" he said grinning his McSteamy grin "Congratulations for the chief position" he completed

"Thanks" she said looking down

"What's up Torres?" he asked seeing sadness in her eyes

"My marriage is over" she said wiping her tears

"O'Malley got the big luck and didn't know how to cherish it. His loss. You deserve better" he said trying to comfort his friend. Callie was one of the few people that cared about him and didn't judge his manwhore behavior. He cared about her because she was just a great person. Like Meredith she was understanding and supportive.

"Yeah, maybe you are right but I love him Mark" she said now letting the tears fall

"Shhhh. It will pass. I know it hurts but it will pass and you will get something much better." He said

"Thank you" she nodded

"But until there if you want me to comfort you. My room is the same" he said smirking

Callie looked straight to him and shook her head

"Seriously Sloan" she said leaving

* * *

The day passed quickly. It was good to come to work Meredith thought. Her interns weren't any geniuses but at least she wasn't with her sister. Lexie tried to talk to Meredith in the middle of a trauma. Meredith couldn't believe how bad her timing was. She avoided her and Derek all the day and finally she was going home successful in her escape

She was in the resident's locker when she felt somebody looking to her. She turned to the door to see Derek stood there staring at her. She tried to ignore his presence but he made it very noticeable

"How was your first day as resident?" he asked getting close to her

"Fine. My interns aren't that bad" she said without look to him

"That's good. I heard your sister is among them" he said

"So I heard. I think she is with Karev but I'm not sure" she said locking her locker

"How was Hawaii?" he asked as she put her belongings in her purse

"Fine. Well I should be going. See you tomorrow" said her hanging her purse on her shoulder and heading to the door

He purposely blocked her way and she lowered her head "Derek, I need to go" she said

"Where are you going?" he asked

"Home, I need to unpack my things and do the laundry." She said without look into him

"Meredith" he said slipping his hand over her arm

"Please Derek let me go. We don't have anything to talk. We are done if it is why you are holding me here" she said stepping from one side to the other trying to leave

He grabbed her both arms and leaned over her as she begged "Please Derek, don't make it harder than it already is" said her

"Did you hear to her" Alex asked behind him

"I guess this is none of your business Dr Karev" Derek said

"And I guess Meredith made herself clear" Alex told

"Okay" Derek said releasing Meredith to go

She quickly left with tears in her eyes

"Give her some space and time Shepherd. It is the only way she can heal what you broke." Said Alex turning to reach Meredith.

Derek nodded and turned away also to the opposite side of the hallway

* * *

"Meredith" Alex called her out

"Thank you" said her hyperventilating

"It is alright. Breathe, slow, deep, breathe." He said holding her hand tight

"Thank you Alex. I'm sorry to involve you on this" she said trying to breathe

"You didn't involve me. Shepherd is the one who owns apologies to you." He said

"Let's go home" he told after she recovered her breath

Alex had always felt connect to Meredith. Somehow they were reflections of each other and he grew to love her even more since he moved in her house. They were truly good friends. He would never bond like Izzie and George but he looked over Meredith and he knew that she would do the same for him.

* * *

They arrived at home and Izzie was waiting for Meredith because now George and Callie had split and he was having a hard time about repeating his internship.

"I told you this was gonna happen" Izzie said as Meredith entered the house

"What's up?" Meredith asked

"George and Callie split and now he has nowhere to go. We've been looking for a place for almost one week as he can't afford to live in the hotel anymore and he can't move in back here because Alex took his bedroom" she said really pissed

"He can move in if he wants. We can figure things out" Meredith said

"No Meredith he can't. George needs space and he can't get it with Alex around." Izzie said

Alex totally ignored the conversation and went upstairs

"So what you want me to do? To kick him out? I'm not going to do this Iz, he is being a good friend to me. I like he living here" Meredith confessed

"No, I will move out. George and I found this crap apartment but it was everything we got. I will keep looking for something better and until there we will live with the cockroaches" Izzie said disappointed

"I think Cristina is leaving Burke's apartment. Maybe you should talk to her" Meredith said trying to help

"Her apartment has only one room Meredith, how we are supposed to live in one-room apartment?" Izzie said very angry "anyway, I'm packing my stuff and I will probably leave in the weekend." She completed

"I'm sorry things went this way" Meredith said very sad

"You chose Evil Spawn over me and George" Izzie said

"No Izzie, I chose nobody, you are the ones that don't want Alex around and this is why I offered you both to live here because I don't want to choose." Said Meredith defensively

"Whatever Meredith" said Izzie leaving

* * *

Meredith already had much in her mind and what she need the least was a fight with Izzie about Alex. Especially about Alex. She felt like she could be herself around him. She only felt this way about him and Cristina. Like she didn't need to do anything else. Like she was enough. Mark also seemed to understand her and accept her like she was but his past with Derek makes hard for her to get closer to Sloan.

She ate something and headed to her room. She decided to take a shower and while the bathtub was filled she took off her clothes and sat in the little bench of her private bathroom thinking about Derek. She was wrapped in her towel when she heard someone knocking the door of her bedroom. She thought that it was probably Izzie trying to make up for their fight.

"Come in, I'm in the bathroom" she said

Her tub was already filled and she hung her towel in the stand and entered the tub as she heard the bathroom door opening. She was about to sit down when she heard Alex yell "Grey!!" as he turned away

"Alex" she said frightened "What are you doing here?" she said quickly submerging her body into the water

"I came to check on you. You said I could come in. I didn't imagine you were naked!" he said pissed

"I thought you were Izzie." She said embarrassed

"She left I don't think she is sleeping over tonight" he said calmer

"You can turn, I'm covered by the bubbles" she said

He turned around to see her. She had a knot in the top of her head with her bangs falling softly over her face. She looked tired but amazingly beautiful. He remembered when he first met her he noticed how beautiful she was. She was natural. She didn't need make up or to make her hair. He was just beautiful. Her skin seemed smooth just like velvet and he surprisingly felt this heart beat faster when he saw her in the bathtub

"I just came to say that if I'm causing you trouble I can move out. I don't plan to spend the rest of my life here." He said

"You didn't cause anything. It is Izzie. You know her. She overreacts. She will get over this. I told her she can stay and also does George but she is the one who doesn't want to stay. Don't worry you are not causing me any trouble." She said "Except for seeing me naked" she said giggling

Her giggle was infectious and he loved to hear it. It remembered him his younger sister.

"Okay. See you tomorrow" said him leaving

"Alex" she called him out

He turned around again and she said "thank you"

He just nodded and left

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Learn you inside out is a Lifehouse song

_A/N: Meredith and Alex are my favorite characters of GA and although I'm a huge MD shipper I just love Meredith. I think she could make a good pairing with Alex and Mark but mainly Alex. As there is a lack of MerAlex stories I decided to start one to feed my hunger for them. This one will address more the other characters than LEGENDS my MD fic. I hope you like it. I will provide more details of how things changed since after Cristina's failed wedding as for example why Callie and George broke up._

_Hope you like it. I will build A/M very slowand I hope it will be magical. Reviews are welcomed ;-)_


	2. Disarray

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Reflections of Love – Chapter 2

**Disarray**

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Some days have passed and Meredith was feeling a little better. She missed Izzie in the house but she couldn't complain about Alex. He was a good friend and he did what he could to help her. Cristina slept over some nights but she didn't talk about Burke or about her feelings. She just heard and talked about Derek like she was perfectly okay about being left in her wedding day. Alex seemed to feel nothing about Meredith. Seeing her beautifully naked only made his heart beats harder because she was hot. His heart will beat this way for anyone that hot.

Meredith had worked with Derek in some occasions in these days and although was hard to be so close to him she appreciated that he really gave her some space. He decided to listen to Alex's advice. When he asked her time and space she gave it to him and he was giving it to her now. Alex never told Meredith he talked to Derek and neither did Derek. She thought he accepted they were over. It made her sad because it was very painful to see a love fails especially one like they shared.

"Good morning" said him entering the kitchen cutting off her thoughts

"Morning" she said with her head lowed

"Are you okay?" he asked

"It's been one month" she said still looking down

Alex didn't know what to say because he truly thought Meredith deserved better. Since she met Derek about one year ago she was suffering. They had a couple of happy months in which he hid from her that he was married and since then it was downhill. He couldn't say it to her but he won't pretend that he was sorry it was over. He was sorry about her pain not about her loss which he considered a gain in this case. He tried to support her "It will be okay Mer. Things will be okay. You just need to give it time" he said. His attempt failed as she didn't utter any comment and just left the kitchen. From the living room she called him out "Do you want a ride?"

"No, thanks" he said taking some cookies and milk

* * *

She left the house and headed to the hospital. Meredith didn't know what to do those days. She didn't know what she was expecting from tomorrow. She wasn't fighting for Derek and she felt she shouldn't because the last year proved their love wasn't meant to be. But what's next? She didn't want to do inappropriate men but she didn't want another relationship either. She only had her job and she was hanging on this.

"Grey. You are with Dr Sloan today" said Callie when she entered the resident's locker

"Stevens, Dr Bailey; Karev Dr Shepherd; Abrahams Dr Rogers..." she said giving the 2nd and 3rd year residents their assignments for the day.

Izzie realized how damaged Meredith was and she felt bad for her. They barely spoke since Izzie moved out but it broke her heart to see Meredith in such pain

"Hey" Izzie said while Meredith was taking her stethoscope

"Hi" Meredith said quietly

"You don't look good" she said

"Yeah" Meredith vaguely said

"Are you okay?" Izzie asked brushing Meredith's arm

"It has been one month since we broke up" Meredith said with tears in her eyes

"Don't you think you still can make it?" Izzie asked

"I don't know Iz. We love each other. He told me I'm the love of his life but it seems like it will never work. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing is enough for him" she sighed

"I'm so sorry Meredith. I hope you both to figure this out." Izzie said

"I don't know if I want this to work out Izzie and this is another problem. I don't know what I want for my life" she confessed

The two friends stayed in silence for few minutes until Izzie breaks it. "I'm sorry Mer" she said

Meredith didn't show any reaction and Izzie completed "About our discussion the other day. I know you did the best you could for me and for George and I was selfish about Alex. You helped him out the same way you did to us. It is your house and you have all rights to do it"

"I didn't do it because it is my house Izzie. I did it because Alex is our friend. He is part of the family also. You are my family. Cristina, Alex, George and you are everything I have." She said wiping her tears

Izzie felt so sorry about it and embraced Meredith "You are our family also" she said and left

Meredith waited for her interns and headed to the 4th floor where Sloan would be within some minutes.

* * *

Mark was about to leave his office when Callie knocked the door and he said her to come in.

"Hey" she said sadly

"What's up Torres" he asked enthusiastically

"My lawyer will give in the annulment petition today" she completed

"Torres, you should be happy. George has never been man enough for you and you should be grateful" said Mark

"I know. It just hurts. I don't know what I will do about my life from now on." She said wiping her tears

"Hey. You are an excellent surgeon. You are a great woman and you are hot. You are the hot Latina chief of residents and no one can ever take this away from you" he said slipping his hand over her arm

"Yes, I guess you are right" she told

"Of course I'm right. I'm Mark Sloan" he smirked

She smirked on his presumption but deep inside she knew he was right

"Let's do this way. We get out tonight to celebrate that your lawyer will finally give in the papers" he said

"Mark, I really don't feel I can't do it. It is too soon" she said

"I'm asking you as a friend Torres. I will keep you away from my bed. So take or give it because I can't promise you this another day." He smirked

"As friends?" she asked unsure

"I promise" he told

"Okay" said her leaving the room

* * *

The day passed slowly for Meredith and Callie. That day didn't give any of the residents any hope about a better tomorrow. They could only think that they didn't have a clue on what to do about their lives. They were surgeons and this was the only thing they were sure. But somehow it wasn't enough.

"Grey. We are going to Joe's, wanna join?" asked Alex

"I don't think so. I should go home" she said

"Mer, you need some distraction maybe some tequila" he told her "C'mon with us. It will be good for you" he said

"I need to be there for Cristina. It has been a month since her almost wedding and she had the day off. I need to check on her." She said

"I don't need to be checked" Cristina said entering the room "I'm just fine. You are the one with the crap life. I came to hang out with you at Joe's and you have to go. Move your lazy ass from this bench and come with me. You've been such a whining baby and I need beer to make it bearable. I can't listen to you one more day without alcohol. So let's go to Joe's and be drunk" Cristina said pissed

* * *

They headed to Joe's and took a table in the back of the bar. Cristina went back to the table with 4 glasses of tequila.

"Get drunk sooner. So we can enjoy the night" she said to Meredith

"I'm not drinking tonight" said Meredith

"Seriously Grey. Give us a break and get drunk I can even pick you a nice guy. Do you do nurses? There is this new hot nurse and I saw him in the bar." Cristina said

Meredith roller her eyes and got some nuts to eat

* * *

In the other side of the bar were Mark and Callie. Her giggles could be heard all over the place. She was totally drunk and Mark was making very funny jokes about her divorce.

"Seriously Sloan we should definitely hang out more times. You are a blessing" said her giggling

"Torres I had a great time but I do think I should get you home. C'mon, let's go, I got the tab" he said

"No I don't want to leave, I'm having fun. I'm having fun like I didn't in a long while, don't ruin it" she said almost sad

"Okay, but I already paid the tab so you are having no more alcohol." He said

"So let's dance" said her pulling him

* * *

"Dude, Torres is on fire" Alex said completely ignoring George's presence

"Alex" Izzie said hitting his arm

"What? Look how she is dancing with Sloan. She is hot. They say in the hospital she is the hot Latina chief" he said smirking and sipping his bear

"I'm leaving" said George clearly annoyed

"Why? No George, we can sit in another table" said Izzie

"No, I'm leaving because I'm tired and I'm not on the mood to drink and watch my ex hot Latina wife" he said leaving

Izzie followed him giving disapproval looks to Alex

"So now the fun will start. Those two are just annoying" said Cristina drinking a beer

* * *

They were talking, basically Cristina and Alex did the talk, as Meredith heart almost stopped when she saw Derek entering the bar with a dark hair woman. She certainly wasn't any of the doctors or nurses of the hospital. He didn't notice Meredith's presence and sat in one table close to the door. He helped her with her coat and hair. They seemed to have a lot of fun and the woman giggled and slipped her hands over his arms many times.

Meredith looked to the shots of tequila in front of her and didn't think twice. She got one after the other and asked the waiter to bring her the more.

"Maybe now you'll be a little less annoying." Cristina said not noticing Derek that was sat on her back in the other side of the bar

"I guess you should slow down Grey" said Alex worried about his friend

"Seriously Alex, did you take Izzie place? I don't know what is the problem with you guys" said Cristina shaking her head

Derek didn't stay in the bar much longer. It was like he only went there to show her he was moving on. Alex stopped in the third beer as he saw that he will be the driver that night. Meredith drank 7 shots of tequila in less than 20 minutes and she didn't say a word since Derek left 5 minutes ago.

"What the hell is wrong with you Meredith?" Cristina asked "Okay, go ahead and do the McDreamy talking." Said Cristina very pissed off

"I don't want to talk about it. He is McBastard that is over the love of his life after one month" said her bitterly

"He is McAss" said Alex

"He is McIdiot" completed Yang

"He is McDouchebag. That's what he is" said Meredith smirking and getting another shot, her 8th

"He and Burke would make a perfect team. McFreakout team" said Cristina laughing out loud

"We are just too good for them. They got us and they didn't know what to do" Meredith said giggling

"Just because we rock in bed and let them crazy out of it" Cristina completed

"What if we are not ready to get married and be a cow with dozens of children?" Meredith said getting the 9th shot

"Yeah. They want us to wear bowl dresses" Cristina said

"Then they asked us to put them out of their misery expecting us to don't do it and when we do they look like little puppies." Said Meredith

"I'm sorry to ruin your great round of compliments to Shepherd and Burke but I will drive both of you home right now" said Alex letting the bills in the table and pulling both women by their arms. He gave both of them their coats and got them into his car. Cristina told she wanted to sleep in her place because Meredith is always sorry in the morning and it makes her even more annoying and whining. Alex let her in her apartment and led to Meredith's house. Meredith slept in the backseat and he had to carry her upstairs. She was already awake and in the moment he stepped out the last stair she stood up by herself and headed straight to the bathroom throwing up all contents of her stomach. After it she started to cry and sob continuously sat close to the toilet.

Alex went to his bedroom and changed his clothes to a tank top and pajama pants when he heard Meredith sobs. He came to check on her, her hair and her blouse had vomit and he took if off letting her on her top and jeans.

"C'mon Meredith. You need to take a shower. You look and smell like crap" he said trying to make her stand up. She didn't stop crying but she was calmer. He took her to her bedroom and asked her to took her jeans off and dress the cotton shorts he gave her. He went to her bathroom and turned on the shower. When he came back she was already in her top and shorts sat at floor with her head buried in her hands and her elbows on her knees. He called her but she didn't react. She was motionless in the floor of her bedroom. He carefully helped her to stand up and leaded her to the shower and started soaping her. Her skin was just soft as he imagined the other day. She was motionless but he could say tears were falling from her eyes. He had to wash her hair so he took the lavender shampoo and conditioner and after showering her he got her towel and wrapped it around her.

"Now take off these soaked clothes Grey and let's be clear here I won't do it ever again so if you want to drink your ass off, go ahead but next time you will sleep in your vomit pool" he said leaving her room

Meredith took her clothes off and got her pajamas. She sat in her bed and let the tears fall as she looked to nowhere.

Alex was coming from the kitchen to his bedroom when he saw her through the slitting door. He felt bad for her and went back to the kitchen to get her a mug of coffee

"Take it Grey" he said handling the mug to her

The smell of her conditioner spread over his nostrils and for the first time he realized how good it was. She got the mug but didn't make any move to drink it. There was a fight inside of him. A voice was telling him to leave her room and let her solve her problems on her own. Another voice told him she needed him. Probably something happened and neither he nor Cristina realized it. He couldn't decide whether he'd leave or not. He didn't do these things but Meredith was different. Finally he gave up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Meredith unconsciously bent her head over his shoulder and started to sob again.

"He… He… He… was… her… they… there" she babbled

"Shhh" he told slipping his index finger on her lips "He is an idiot Meredith that doesn't know how to be with a woman like you"

They stayed sat in the bed for some minutes until she finally fell asleep. When Alex heard the light snoring he carefully laid her down in the bed. His legs were by each of her sides when his knee slip in the bed side making him loses his balance. He leaned on his elbows and he was inches away from her. Once again he felt shivers in his spine. He could feel her warm breath in his lips. She didn't look very well anyway she was beautiful. He could see her fragility and vulnerability. He could almost feel her pain. He brushed her hair that was sprawled in the pillow and in his mind he promised he won't ever let Shepherd or anyone else to break her this way. He cared about her and he felt like it was his job to protect her just like she was china in his hands. She had nobody else. She was alone and broke and he promised he will take care of her. He kissed her cheek and covered her with the blanket before leaving her bedroom.

_

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Disarray is a Lifehouse song

A/N: I'm picking up only Lifehouse songs to this story for now. I appreciate your reviews... I didn't expect any as I know huge majority just shippers MD anyway I'm happy you liked and reviewed it, Keep it going I will update again next week because now I need to take care of Legends which I didn't update yet.


	3. Undone

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Reflections of Love – Chapter 3

**Undone**

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In the morning Meredith woke up on hangover. Her head hurt badly and she could barely open her eyes.

"Damn it" she cursed "Idiot" she yelled "What the fuck?" she cried out

"Hey. Need any help over there Grey? Maybe a tequila shot" asked Alex entering her room

"Go to hell Alex" said her trying to do her shoestring "Damn small roles. Shit" she cursed

Her headache was so strong that it almost blinded her.

"You look like crap" he smirked

She stared him with anger in her red eyes

"Hey. This is not how I expect you to thank me for bathing you last night" he said pissed

"Did you bath me?" she asked scared

"And also cleaned your vomit in the bathroom because the stink was allover the house." He said

"I should go back to Boston. I mean I can't stand be in the same hospital, the same bar, the same city. My mother is dead and my father hates me, so I really don't have any reason to stay here" she poured out

Alex didn't know what to say. In fact that happened often in the last weeks and he didn't like the feeling. Without anything better to say he just said "Sorry" caressed her arm and left

She finally got dressed, went downstairs got a big cup of coffee and left.

* * *

When she arrived in the hospital she recognized the same woman she saw last night. She was tall and skinny with beautiful straight dark hair and blue eyes. Her voice was soft and she was happily talking to the chief. It couldn't be happening. She knew for sure she didn't work at SGH at least not so far. Her purse was in the couch and there was a lab coat over it. She was dressed even more powerful than Addison used to. Her hair and skin were flawless and she looked perfect on her heels. How could she compete with someone like that? She was happy, bright and shinny. She was the kind of person you want to be around. She made everything around her pleasant. She was cheerful but not in Izzie or Sydney fashion. She was just joyous.

Meredith immediately ran to the resident locker and dressed up her scrubs very quickly and headed to the nurse station when her interns will meet her. She got the stairs because she didn't want to meet anyone in the elevator. Especially someone that looks even better than Liv Tyler herself.

"Did you know Dr Betty Ross is at SGH?" Alex said

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Cristina

"Dr Betty Ross The incredible Hulk" he said

"What the problem with you guys? Take care of your silly lives and let it be. What if the new doc is just like Liv Tyler. Correction. Even more beautiful than Liv Tyler as if it was even possible. Seriously I should find a new hospital when people are concerned about saving lives instead of sleeping with hot stunning doctors. Where the hell do those women come from? Isn't there a hospital with ugly people?" Meredith stormed out and slammed the door behind her

Alex looked to Cristina confused

"Don't look at me. I have no idea who this Dr Ross is. Is she a cardio at least?" she asked

"Seriously Yang you should try to breathe outside this hospital" said him leaving

* * *

Meredith headed to Chief's office even knowing she might cross with _Dr Ross_ but she had to say to Richard she wants to transfer her residency.

"Sorry Dr Grey but Dr Webber doesn't have any spot today. I don't have tomorrow either but we can schedule it to Friday. How does it sound for you?" Patricia asked

"Fine. Whatever" she said

"Anyway he is with Dr Ross right now. I think they are meeting Dr Shepherd and Sloan. You can check with him" Patricia said

"Seriously? Ross?? Why not Tyler?" said Meredith turning away and leaving

* * *

It hadn't been an easy day to Meredith interns. Her headache didn't pass. The hangover was done but not Dr Ross. Meredith yelled on her interns and let two of them running labs and doing rectal all day long. George realized his friend wasn't okay but he didn't try to ask anything to avoid him to be the next to be punished.

"What?" Meredith asked yelling on her intern

"Test results for Mr. Smith, room 3425" she said almost trembling

"Fine. Give me and get your ugly face out of my sight" she said

"Dude that was harsh" Mark said

"What do you want?" Meredith asked without look into his face

"Hey Grey. Slow down, I'm your boss here" Mark said

"Do you need anything Dr Sloan. I mean in addition to private meetings with Dr Ross?" she asked pissed

"So you met Liz?" he asked smirking

"Seriously, do you need anything or not?" she asked

"Yeah. I need a resident in my 3pm surgeon and you are the lucky. Be ready and don't make me regret on this more than you already did. It will blow your mind"

"Fine" Meredith said annoyed

* * *

Meredith scrubbed in Mark's surgeon and about 10 minutes after they started Dr Ross joined them.

"Good afternoon team. It is perfect afternoon to make beauty" she said blinking to Mark

Dr Ross was very talented. She made a flawless work along with Mark. Meredith was surprised especially because she doesn't seem much older than Meredith. In fact she looked a little bit younger.

"Liz you should definitely move to Seattle. You know I'm the best so you should learn from me." Said Sloan

"Well, in this case you should convince John to move in also and you know mommy she won't be apart of her baby. But you know I would do anything to be with Der." completed Liz

"So it is all about him isn't?" said Mark

"You know that be part of this surgery was only an excuse. We are having a great time." She completed

Meredith rolled her eyes begging the babble to stop.

"Well doctors I think we are done here. Do you need me for anything else?" she asked

"No Dr Grey, I appreciated your help. You did a good job today." Said Liz

"Thank you Dr Ross. It was a pleasure to work with you and Dr Sloan. You are both impressive" said Meredith politely

"Thank you" said Liz

"I know" said Mark

Both women laughed on how Mark was just full of himself.

* * *

"Hey Grey" said Callie

"Hi Callie" said Meredith

"Were you in Mar—Dr Sloan surgery?" she asked

"Yep"

"Was Dr Ross also?" Callie asked

"Yes" Meredith answered with an annoying voice

"She came from NY just to scrub in with Sloan" Callie said

"According to her she came for Derek" Meredith writing down in a chart

"Really?" asked Callie excited. Meredith looked very annoyed and Callie asked calmer "Did she?"

"Yes. You don't have to worry she is here for my ex not for yours" Meredith said writing back in the chart

"I've never been with Sloan you know in a relationship. We just slept together. You know he is a manwhore and I needed…" said Callie defensively

"Okay" Meredith answered showing no interest in their conversation

"I'm sorry" Callie said

"Don't be. It seems like they know each other for a long time. Maybe she is the new love of his life" said her closing the chart and leaving

* * *

Callie headed to his office and knocked in the door

"Hey, I heard about a cross-country worth procedure" she said

"It is not about the procedure" he said smirking

"I came to thank you for last night. I really needed it" she said

"I should thank you. Next time you go to my room I will ensure to have extra alcohol in the bar." He teased her

"I don't need alcohol to have a nasty night. Not with you" she teased back

"You were very hot" he said

"I'm not on call tonight" she said sitting in the corner of his desk

"How about tomorrow?" he asked

"I never seen Mark Sloan, president of the dirty mistress club, say no to hot sex" she said

"And I'm not saying. It is just I can't do it tonight. I will meet Liz" he said

"The scrub nurse?" she asked confused. Liz was about 50 years old

"Of course not Torres. Liz, Dr Elizabeth Ross" he said

"Oh the doc that crossed the country to do a procedure with you?" Callie asked uncomfortable

"She didn't cross the country for the procedure. I told you" he putting a McSteamy grin on his face

"Well you must done something extra special for her because although you are great in bed I wouldn't cross the country to have sex with you" she said trying to hide her jealousy

"Liz? Are you crazy?" he asked offended

"Why not? I mean, she is hot, she is Liv Tyler upgrade" said Torres embarrassed

"She is my sister for God' sake!!" Mark cried out

"You told me once you don't have brothers or sisters" said Callie trying to get his lie

"She is Derek's young sister. I changed her diapers Torres" he said smirking

"And how am I supposed to know it?" she asked

"They are siblings. The eyes, the hair, the connection even a blind can see it." He said smirking harder

"I didn't see the details. I barely saw her. I know she has a dark hair and that is all." Said Callie rambling

"They say love is blind and so is jealousy" he said

"Get over yourself Sloan. If I want to have sex tonight I will. With you or someone else" She said kissing his ear and leaving

"I will let you know when I get back to the hotel" he said

Callie blinked and left

* * *

"Hey, I'm going home do you want a ride?" Meredith asked Alex

"I'm not going home tonight" he said

"I thought you weren't on call until tomorrow" she said

"I'm not" he told smirking

"Oh I got it" she said

"Don't wait me for the rest of the week" he said

"Okay" she said a little disappointed. She felt safer with him around although he made himself very clear that won't babysit or take care of her.

Both led to the parking lot and Meredith saw a woman waiting for him in his car. She couldn't identify who was but she thought it might be someone from the hospital otherwise he would pick her up.

"See you tomorrow then" she said while Alex barely answered her back opening the door of his car and talking to the woman inside

She was all by herself in her house again. It was like when she moved to Seattle. She really couldn't expect her friends to stop their lives for her. They also had their problems and she just didn't have a reason to stay at Seattle anymore. She never had good memories about this city and she would ever have.

* * *

On Thursday she witnessed again Derek and his Dr Ross. He was totally happy and Meredith could see that the angst and the misery he claimed were gone. She really put him in misery.

She knew Alex will be on call that night so she decided to talk to him about the house before she leaves.

It was a quiet day and at least she didn't have to work with Liz although she seemed just a nice person, hard to hate. Just like Addison.

"Alex, we need to talk" she said after she dressed her clothes streets up

"Spit it out Grey" he told her

"Would you mind to go to an on call room? I don't want anyone else to know about it." She said quietly

"Enough with the drama Grey" he told "Who else would listen? Most residents already left" he asked

"Please Alex" she said lowering her head

"Okay Grey but I will already let you know. I don't speak girl. I know you are sparing Cristina because she is in the rocks also and Izzie move out but I don't make girl, okay?" he told her

She only nodded and head to an on call room.

"I'm leaving Alex. I will talk to Chief tomorrow and I will ask him a recommendation letter and I will try to get back to Boston. I will leave the house as soon as I get my transfer done but you can take your time to get a new place. I will sell the house but you don't need to run." She said straight

Alex was shocked. He didn't see that coming at all he thought she didn't mean when she said she should leave. He knew her breakup with Derek was hard and also that seeing him with other woman was hard but he thought Meredith was stronger. He couldn't see until that moment that she used all her strength to be with Derek. She was strong but he didn't realized that all her strength was used to survive to hidden wives, mothers' death, father's hate and now the love of her life with someone else just one month after their breakup especially when he looked so happy with this new woman.

Again he didn't know what to say or how to react. He grew to like Meredith maybe even love. They were great friends, they never judged the other, they had so much in common and they were fighters and survivors. She remembered his sister, she remembered himself and she remembered his mother.

When Meredith realized that Alex had nothing to say to her, when she realized he couldn't handle to ask her to stay or think about it she knew for sure that was the right decision to take.

"Please don't tell this to anyone, I'm just saying to you because we live together and we need to set some things up before I leave." She said with tears in her eyes

"Are you sure about it Mer?" he asked

"No. But I need to stop the bleeding before it is unstoppable" she said still holding her tears

He remembered the other night when she was just broken in her bed. He remembered the promise he made to himself. She was just so fragile. Her small body just shows how easy is to hurt her.

"So just maybe you are not supposed to stop the bleeding by yourself" he said

"I don't have anybody to do it Alex. Izzie is taking care of George. George is broken, Cristina is broken, Derek is dating Liv Tyler, my mother is dead, my father hates me, my sister is a stalker that eventually will also blame me for her mother's death. I have no one." She said rising her head and blinking continuously trying to avoid the tears to fall "Anyway, let me know when we can talk about it. I know you also have your things and that you are not going back home this weekend. I think it will take a couple of weeks until I get everything done, just ensure you will find some time for us to talk" she said taking her purse to leave

He grabbed her arm and turned her to him and looked straight to her eyes. It touched his soul to see her unshed tears in the green ocean of her beautiful eyes. He had butterflies, his heart beat harder. He didn't know why he felt that way and he couldn't take his eyes of hers. She lowered her eyes the moment he turned her around. She gazed the floor because if she looks anywhere else she wouldn't be able to stop her tears. She was fighting against her heart. Her heart desperately wanted to be at Seattle. She had a family like she never did before and there was a tiny hope in her heart that maybe she and Derek would make it eventually. But her heart was also so broken in thousand of pieces that she had to get back together.

"Meredith" he whispered but she didn't react. He slipped his fingers under her chin and carefully raised her face making her to look to him. She tried not to face him, she fight with her eyes, her emotions and her heart and finally she couldn't hold anymore. The tears ran through her face in a way she couldn't stop them from falling. She didn't say anything else or sobbed. She just let the tears fall. Tears that he couldn't wipe. Tears that were coming straight from her heart. Tears of her soul.

"Maybe I can't tell you what you want to hear and I don't know if I can make it better. All I know is I will be around. I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall to catch you and to hold you until it passes. I can't easy your pain and I can't make things right with your mother or with your father or with Derek. But I can take care of you because I'm your family also and when Izzie, Cristina or George can't rescue you I will be there for you. I know I told you I won't bath you again or put you on the bed but I've done this before when I didn't know better but now I'm man and I know better and I will be there for you because you are not alone." He told looking deep in her eyes

She wrapped her arms around his waist and he wrapped his around her back and caressed her hair. She was quiet. She was just small and fragile. She was soaking his scrub with her tears but he was not letting her go. His feelings for her weren't clear to him but still he knew he loved her somehow. He felt stronger when he held her in his arms. He felt like he was a good person after all. He felt something good coming from him and he felt that taking care of her made him a better man, a man he was proud to be.

She felt safe. She felt loved. She felt protected. She felt home.

_

* * *

_

Undone is a Lifehouse song

_A/N: I used some lyrics of this song in his speech but I don't own any of them. They belong to Jason Waden._


	4. Easier To Be

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 4**

**Easier To Be****  
**

* * *

They spent some minutes embraced. He didn't want her to go and she didn't want to leave. Her tears didn't stop falling and he would do anything to fix it for her. She didn't expect Alex to be this man for her and even if she did she would never think that she would feel the way she was feeling. She always felt safe by Derek' side but always there was a tiny, tiny fear that he will leave her again or that she will find out anything else about his life. With Alex in that moment all she could feel was safety. She didn't want to move one inch away from him. She felt his hard muscles around her body and it was like a shelter. Her body fit perfectly between his strong arms and chest. His touch in her head was just soft, calming and comforting.

Any of them said any word and the minutes just passed by. Slowly her tears were drying untifl she finally stopped crying. She didn't want to stop crying because the feeling in his arms was too good and if she stopped he might push himself away.

He only could think about what that meant. He wasn't supposed to feel that way. In fact he didn't know what _that way_ was exactly. He was compelled to hold her and to not let her go either to Boston either to anywhere but his arms. He was so confused, he didn't know he was feeling that way. He thought maybe it was a way to be close to his sister that he missed so much. Maybe it was like to be close again to his mother. Maybe it was because they were family and Meredith was like a sister. But what about the butterflies? One doesn't have butterflies embracing his sister or mother. While he was thinking about all those things he didn't realize that she stopped crying. She didn't push herself away and neither did him. They just stood there together.

After a while he realized she was calmer. He didn't want her to leave and based on the dried tears in his scrubs she probably stopped crying minutes ago. He knew she didn't detach herself from his body and he felt like she found a more comfortable spot in his chest. She leaned all her weight over him and though it wasn't too much it was enough for him to feel her body totally joined with his own.

He didn't want to break that moment but he had to. His head was saying him to push her away and leave without say a word but how could he do it? How could he ignore what just happened? Why didn't she push herself away? Why didn't he?

"I…I… should…go…" she said without move an inch

"You don't have to, my shift starts only at 8" he said

She pushed herself some inches away just enough to look to his face. When he realized her body moving away from his he felt an emergency feeling to hold her tighter but he resisted to his instinct. He felt her breath in his neck and looked down to meet her eyes already in his.

"Thank you Alex" she said running her eyes to all over his face. He smiled to her

"I didn't see this coming. Not from you but the people we expect less are the ones that give us more" she said kissing gently his cheek and cleaning the lipstick mark with her thumb. It was the first time he felt her touching him that way. He had shivers all over his body. If she was still with her head on his chest she would feel his heart running. Her touch was just smooth and warm.

"I will think about it." She said totally detaching her body from his.

He just nodded and looked her leaving the room.

He sat down on the bed behind him and buried his head in his hands. _What was that? What he was feeling? When? How? Why?_ His mind ran through all kind of thoughts. Was he falling for her? But what about Lexie? They were hanging out and he really enjoyed her company. Was it a Grey' sister thing? Was there anything special about them? He knew how was to be attracted to someone and he always felt attracted by Meredith the same way he was by Lexie but those feelings weren't just desire. _Am I falling for her?_ He asked himself it over and over and over again and he didn't want listen the answer. He couldn't fall for Meredith Grey. He was wrong. Maybe it was about the chase because he was seeing one sister he was compelled to chase the other and it was probably only this.

Although that night was quiet he didn't sleep. He couldn't easy his mind from Meredith. How come he spent the whole night thinking about Meredith Grey? Lost in his feelings he finally got an answer and it wasn't an easy one. The last time he thought about someone the whole night was when Denny died. It was about Izzie. It wasn't only when Denny died but many others nights after that one. He couldn't sleep thinking about Izzie, the only woman he ever loved and the one he was convinced he still loved. But what about Meredith?

* * *

Meredith drove to her house thinking about the moment they just shared. She was happy, she was really happy. She finally had someone. Someone that will be there for her. Someone that had no reason to leave because he wasn't hers. She liked the safety of his arms and the protection of his embrace. She felt like all pain was drained for some minutes. This was what she needed to be at Seattle. It was easy. No feelings, no relationships, no betrayals and lies. They were friends. _Sex_ she thought_ is what destroys everything and seriously Alex and I will never have sex. So this is perfect to me._

She headed to her bedroom and for the first time in the last month she laid her head in the pillow and there wasn't any other feeling there but relief. Relief that someone loved and cared about her and that she wasn't alone after all. Before she realizes she was sleeping.

In the next morning she woke up and she felt she wasn't lonely Meredith with a screwed life running away. She was loved by her friends and Alex said her he would be there when she falls to catch her. She knew Cristina and Izzie won't be there for her now but Alex was. She decided to go earlier to the hospital and maybe meet him there.

She arrived about an hour before she should and she looked for him everywhere. He was no where to be found. She asked some nurses and they told her that no one had seen him during all night. They explained that it was a quiet night and others residents had the few cases that came.

_Where is he?_ She asked herself. She wasn't sure if she should call him or not because he was probably sleeping. She finally gave up and decide to go to the residents locker get ready and wait until Callie or Bailey give their assignments for the day. She was walking through the hallway when she passed by the very, very old guy room. Maybe it was safer to wait there. She really didn't want her joyful morning to end by meeting McDreamy and his new hot doc. She carefully opened the door and notice that someone was there also.

"Hey" she said

"Hey… Hi" he told

"I was looking for you everywhere" she said

"It was a quiet night" he said uncomfortable

"So I heard" she said smiling

"So?" he said trying to say something

"So I'm happy and thanks to you" she said

"Really?" he asked hopeful

"Yes, being in your arms yesterday was the best feeling I had in a long while. Sorry I didn't include you when I said about my family but I always thought that you would never be so close to any of us." She said very happy

"Neither did I" he said half-smiling

"This time I won't screw up"

"What do you mean?" he asked

"I won't sleep with you. Everything is great until the sex. This is when the crying comes or the hidden wives show up" she said "But not this time. I get to learn from my mistakes. So we will have this great friendship and we will be there for each other and everything will be just fine as it is right now. No more dark and twisty Meredith. No more drama and crying. No more tears"

"So I will be your friend and won't get any benefit? Dude, you know I always get benefits" he asked smirking and trying to hide his disappointment.

"We can sleep together" she teased

"That's much better" he said excited

"But we won't have sex. We will only sleep." she said giggling "It is a George and Izzie thing and it is really corny but guess what? Corny people are happy and I'm tired of being whiny and complaining Meredith." She completed

"This is helpful. I said I would be there for you but I'm not so sure how much longer I would listen to you. I mean you are really boring when you whine" he said smirking "But I don't buy tampons neither cry over on your should. I'm not O'Malley, Grey" he said

"Fine" she said "We are not going to be Izzie and George. Don't worry. We will be much better" she said giggling

"Good because I won't sleep with you and ignore how hot you are" he said as very, very old man moved in the gurney

* * *

They continued teasing each other and after half hour they headed to the resident locker room. They were happily talking and her giggles could be heard from the hallway which took Derek's attention.

Cristina and Izzie didn't understand most of Alex and Meredith jokes and they thought the two roommates were just nuts

Callie entered the room and gave their assignments. Cristina was with the new head of cardio, Dr Shawn. Izzie was with Sloan. Alex was with Dr Rogers and Meredith with Derek.

"Dr Torres" Meredith called

"Yes Dr Grey" she said

"Is Dr Ross still in town and working with Dr Shepherd?" she asked

"She is still in the hospital but she is with Dr Sloan today" said Callie coolly

"You seem okay about it. Yesterday I thought you were… uhnn… uncomfortable" said Meredith

"She is Shepherd's young sister Meredith" said Callie smiling to the 2nd year resident "Sloan says she is like his sister also"

"Si--sister?" asked Meredith shocked

Callie nodded and smirking she left the room

"Seriously? How idiot can I be? I mean it was on my nose… in their noses all the time and I freaked out like a 12 years old" she bitched

"Dr Grey" he called behind her

"How can you not introduce me your young sister?" she said

"Excuse me?" he said

"Your Liv Tyler sister. How can you just--. Grrrr. Forget Derek, I mean Dr Shepherd" she said angry

"How am I supposed to know you want to meet my sister if you are avoiding me for weeks?" he asked

"Forget it. I'll go get my interns. We will meet you at the nurse station" she said leaving

* * *

They did the rounds and pre-ops and later they were on surgery together. It was a craniotomy she'd been many times before but she always had something new to learn from him

"Liz and I are having lunch in the restaurant in the other block do you want to come along?" he asked

"What would I have lunch with you and your sister, Dr Shepherd?" she asked

"I thought you wanted per our conversation this morning"

"You are wrong and I already met her. I had surgery with her and Sloan yesterday" she said

"So I heard"

"So I don't need to know her I already do I was just wondering why I didn't know she was your sister. Only this" she said

"If you change your mind Richard, Callie and Sloan will also join us" he said

"I won't. My friends are waiting me for lunch. I will meet them when we finish our surgery" she said showing no interest in his invitation

"Liz is thinking about move to Seattle. It will be a good change, I really miss my family" he said trying to get her sympathy

"Or maybe you should just move back to New York and do it easier to everybody. I bet they miss you too" she said softly. She didn't want to be harsh but she didn't want to feed any feeling for him right now. Not even compassion.

"I have a contract with this hospital and a commitment with Dr Webber. I can't just move only because it is more comfortable to me although I do agree with you that it will be easier to everybody." He said sadly

"If you don't think you should be here so why are you allowing your sister to move in?" she asked

"She is a 6th year resident and she wants to learn from Sloan. She is choosing Plastics"

"Your mother will be the next soon" said Meredith giggling

He didn't listen to her giggles in any of their conversations for a while and he was happy to listen it again

"Mom won't ever let her grandkids behind her unless Liz gives her some" he said

"Or you." She said

"Considering she is married for 5 years I think she is closer than me" he said

"Seriously? She married during her internship?" she asked

"In fact before. She will turn 6 within two months"

"How--How old is--is she?"

"30"

"She is young to be a 6th year resident"

"She is a genius. We all have been always so proud of her" he said with a big grin "she graduated earlier both in high school and college"

Meredith could see how proud of his sister he was. She thought nobody felt this way about her before. His sister was pretty, smart, a genius as he said, shining, a talent surgeon and apparently happy in her marriage. Meredith wasn't envy or jealous. It was like she never had been this lucky. It wasn't about Liz it was about herself. The best things she had in her life were her friends and Derek. Her relationship with Derek was over and she didn't have much hope about it. All she got was her friends but maybe Alex surprising support was a turnover. But since when she started thinking about Alex at all? She was surprised by her thoughts. How come Alex Karev was the one she was thinking as a hope for her life to change? Why she came earlier to the hospital in the first place? Lost in her mind she didn't listen to Derek calling her name. After the fourth or fifth time he spoke louder and she finally got out of her thoughts. "Yes Dr Shepherd" she said "Thank you for your assistance today" he said preparing to leaving.

"It is always a pleasure to work with you Dr Shepherd" said her leaving the OR to scrub out.

Derek still loved her badly and all he wanted was to find a way back to her heart. This time everything was just different from the time he chose Addison. Meredith seemed stronger and decided to move on. She didn't run away from him – at least he thought it. She was working with him and making no effort to be his friend. She was just there like everyone else. Doing her job, talking to him when she really had and sometimes risking some jokes. He could see in her eyes that there was still love there but its brightness was fading day by day and he had to figure out what to do to get her back.

* * *

Meredith joined her friends to get lunch and she couldn't stop thinking why she felt so connected to Alex. Everything just seemed lighter when he was around. Maybe she was needy and he was there for her. She didn't feel any emotion that would make her believe she had a crush on him or something but she didn't felt comfortable needing him so much. They were just friends but she knew things could suddenly change and break them apart. She didn't like to be that depend on anyone because every time it happened she was hurt. Unconsciously she kept her eyes at him during their lunch. He didn't realize it because he was also lost in his mind and their friends were excited about their surgeries that morning. He had no doubt. He was falling for Meredith. In that moment sat by her side all he wanted was to hold her in his arms and kiss her passionately. He had to fight against his feelings because the only time he felt this way before he got hurt. Because Meredith was in love with Derek and because she would ever feel the same way about him. Even if there wasn't anyone else they wouldn't work. They were too damaged and hurt and they would probably have the most dysfunctional relationship ever. No definitely falling in love with Meredith wasn't an option and although he didn't know how to get rid of his feelings deep inside he didn't want to. Feel this way about her was a good thing. They lived in the same house, they were close. As she said they only needed to be sex free and everything would be okay. He won't fight his feelings. Either feed them. He will just be close to her which was enough to make him happy

_

* * *

_

Easier To Be is a Lifehouse song.


	5. Chapter One

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 5**

**Chapter One**

* * *

A few weeks have passed and Meredith and Alex couldn't stop thinking about what they had. Meredith in on hand was struggling to not be so dependent on him but she couldn't help. They were getting closer and closer and she was happy that only the two of them were living in the house. It wasn't that she'd mind if Izzie was still there but she and Alex were just like the same. They were careless and twisty. She enjoyed his company to the most. They started making turns in their cars to go to the hospital. It was nice to talk through the way and didn't make any sense to use two cars to go to the same place, at the same hour.

Alex in the other hand didn't struggle at all. He knew how he felt and his love for her was growing by the minute. She was funny, smart, beautiful, hot, cool, understanding, non-judgmental. He felt like he could he himself by her side. He could be Evil Spawn and even though she will be there giggling. He loved her infectious giggles. It could light not only a room but a whole house. Although he could be himself around her he was just different. He was more sensitive and caring. He was happier and complete. She was probably the one for him but what he could do? She still cried for Derek at night. Some nights he could hear her sobs and in a couple of them he went to her room to comfort her. When she was in his arms his heart raced in his chest.

They were watching TV that night and laughing about a comedy show. She was on one side of the couch and he was in the other. Between them there were two sodas and popcorn.

"Seriously, she just did it?" asked Meredith giggling

"I mean she really doesn't remember anything" he said smirking

"I love this show" she said

"It is pretty funny" he said

"It is a shame comedies are only half hour long." She said sipping her soda

"We could watch one movie, what do you think?" he asked

"Well I guess we already re-watched all my DVD's" she said

"I mean maybe we should get out" he said

"You mean downtown on a theater?" she asked

"Well I guess this is where people go when they want to watch movies out" he said smirking

"What do you want to watch?" she asked

"I don't know. A comedy I would say" he said

"I heard about a good one. I don't remember the name. It is about a guy that met a chick in a cruise" she said

"Are you taking me to watch chick movies?" he asked

"I think would be nice. It has been ages since I went to movies. It will be fun." she said

"Okay. I will buy us the tickets online. Are you going to take shower or something?" he asked

"I don't think so. It is not that I'm going on a date" she said

He felt disappointed. She had made herself clear that they won't have sex and it was clear to him that she saw him as a friend or even a brother. He couldn't deny or struggle his feelings. He liked to love her. She was worthy and she would never do what Izzie did to him but he couldn't have any hope about it. It started to hurt. Being so close to her and not having her in his arms was painful. Anyway it was better than be far from her.

"Well I will take a shower. It is not because I'm getting out with my roommate that I should look like crap" he told her

"Am I looking like crap?" she asked

"Sort of" he said smirking

"You don't say this to a woman Alex" she smirked also

"Even looking crap you are hot Grey. In fact you are beautiful in your way. It is natural even if you have food in you hair." Said him taking a popcorn from her hair

"So I will take a shower also. I bet I will make lots of chicks jealous tonight" she said

"You bet" he said going upstairs

* * *

About half hour later they were both entering into his car. He drove about 20 minutes and they were there. The movie will start within 25 minutes and the line was considerable big.

"I think that redhead is looking at you" Meredith pointed out

"She is hot" Alex said

"Yes she is. Maybe you should go there." Meredith said

"And what about you?" he asked

"I like to watch moves alone. At least I'm not distracted by anyone" she said

"So you are trying to get rid of me to watch the movie?" he teased her

"No, I'm just saying you can check the girl out. She is eating you with her eyes" she said

"Hey, you are my date. I'm not leaving you to any hot chick" he said

"I'm honored although I have to correct you that I'm not your date"

"You know what I mean Grey. I came with you to watch a movie and have fun. If I'd want to make out with a chick I wouldn't pick a theater. I'm not a teenager." He said

"Well. She will be very disappointed."

"Forget about her. Do you want any candies or something?" he asked

"You know I never get enough popcorn. I think I want some soda also and maybe a chocolate." She said

"Okay. I will buy with you extra butter and a Kit Kat bar" he told knowing those were her favorites

* * *

He took about 10 minutes and when he came back there was a good looking guy talking to her. He felt rage burning in his head. He was never been jealous but in that moment he was just bursting on jealousy.

"Hey" he said looking to her and completely ignoring the guy

"So I see you have some company" the guy said

"This is my friend Alex, this is Joe" she said

"What's up ma'am" Joe said

Alex just nodded to the guy and turned to Meredith

"Well here is your popcorn and soda and here it is your chocolate. I will buy me some popcorn also" he said leaving

"Alex" she called him

"You can eat with me. I mean I popcorn addicted but I really can't eat an extra large by myself" she said

"Well in this case Joe can help you" he said bitterly

"Alex, come back here" she said almost angry. She pulled faces to show him she really needed him to rescue her

"What?" he asked

"You look cute when you are jealous" she said caressing his cheek while he looked to Joe

"I'm not jealous. I just said you and your friend Joe can have this popcorn that I will get me another one" he said

"Thanks ma'am" said Joe stretching his hand to Meredith's waist.

It made Alex totally insane. He would punch the moron in that second. But he controlled his anger and tried to ignore the idiot's advances over Meredith.

Meredith was uncomfortable because she wasn't interested at all but she couldn't get rid of the sticky guy. She didn't want Alex to make a scene because she knew he would do it if she let him know she didn't want the guy.

They were talking as the line slowly moved. Although Meredith tried to slide herself from him, the guy was just insistent. Seeing that she really had to show him she wasn't interested at all she started to talk to Alex

"You know you look hot in his shirt" she said

"Thanks" Alex answered confused

"I mean this must be why the redhead chick was eating you with her eyes" Meredith said

She said some more things about how good looking and strong Alex was but Joe didn't seem uncomfortable

They were almost getting inside when she realized she had to do something before Joe sits by her side. She asked him to hold her popcorn and soda and turned to Alex. Naturally as she used to do it everyday she slipped her hand on his neck and kissed him. The kiss was soft and gentle. Alex unconsciously moved his hand to her head and corresponded the kiss. Her lips were smooth and sweet. Its warmth made him shivered. She didn't want to give Joe any explanation so she just longed the kiss until she realized the moron was leaving. She slowly pushed her lips away from his. She didn't know how he would react. She'd hope it wouldn't make things awkward between them so she just bit her lower lip.

"I guess we are out of popcorn now" he coolly said her

"I guess we are" she said relieved he wasn't freaking out or avoiding her

"Do you want me to buy you more?" he asked

"Yes" she said trying to make him leave for awhile so she could think about what she just did

"Hold my seat" he said stepping away

_What did you just do Meredith?_ She asked herself. Joe was idiot enough to be there with them while she was clearing flirting with Alex and he behaved like nothing was happening. She had to do something to avoid the moron and she couldn't think on anything else. She would rather kiss Alex allover the night than just share a cheek kiss with Joe. But why she had to kiss Alex. She was willing this kiss wouldn't change anything between them because she really liked his company. They were good friends and she wouldn't risk it for anything. _Do I say anything about it? Do I bring up the subject? Do I apologize? Do I thank him?_

On his way to the theater store all Alex could think was the taste of her lips. There was a smile in his face that didn't go away and he was thankful for the man he just wanted to punch some minutes ago. He could say she was a good kisser. Unconsciously he moved his fingers to his mouth and smiled. That was their first kiss and although he knew she only wanted to get rid of Joe maybe it would be the beginning of something.

* * *

In 5 minutes he was back and everybody else was already sitting. He tried to see Meredith but the only familiar face he saw was Joe offering the popcorn to the redhead chick. She waved him from the last line of the room and he headed in her direction.

"Thank you" she said getting the popcorn

"Your friend is just giving your popcorn to the redhead chick down stairs" Alex said smirking

"He is just an idiot. I mean I was complimenting you over and over and he didn't care" she said

"You are more than complimenting me. You were shameless flirting with me" he said

"No I wasn't" she said

"Yes you were. But it is okay, I do look great in this shirt" he said "It is hard to resist Grey"

"You are just full of yourself" she said

He smiled at her and sipped the soda he bought for them

"Fine you look hot on this shirt. You are hot Alex but I wasn't flirting with you" she said

"If you say…." He smirked

"Well the movie is about to start so you know, no distractions" she said

* * *

She laughed during the whole movie

"Ohh" she said wiping some tears

"Can't believe you are crying Grey" he said smirking

"It is cute" she said "They fight all the time but they loved each other" she completed

"It is stupid. You know this is always how these movies end" he said

"I know but I can't help" she said

"You are just a crying child" he said

"If you ever tell anyone I will tell everybody that you came to watch this movie" she said

"Fine. We have a deal. But I still have Joe and the kiss!" he told her

"And I will say that you chickened out to the redhead and lost her to Joe" she said giggling

He smirked and they left the theater.

* * *

In the way to their house they talked about some funny scenes of the movie and made some remarks on how idiot Joe was

"I mean when you arrived you saved me from hell. He had just told me that he already watched this move twice and that it was the perfect kind of movie to meet girls like me" she said

"Seriously? The guy is a loser" Alex said smirking

"And I'm so not the kind of girl that you get to meet in the line of these movies" she said

"Yes you are. You cry with the MasterCard commercials Grey" he said

"No I don't. Besides the girls that go alone to watch those movies are pathetic. Join some friends it is okay but go alone to get some guy? I'm not like this. I've already been kissed" she said

"You may have been kissed before but just today you got the pleasure to taste Karev's kiss. It changes the definition of kiss" he said

She smacked his arm "Cocky"

"Will you tell me it was bad?" he asked

"No it wasn't" she unconsciously answered and regretted the minute she finished it

"Admit Grey. It was the best kiss of you life. I'm such a good kisser." He said

"You aren't that bad" she said smirking

"I bet you never had any better" he said

"So just tell me how much we are betting because this will be the easier money I ever got" she said smirking as he parked the car in front of their house

"Oh yeah?" he said stepping out the car

"Oh yeah. I've had plenty of better kisses" she said also stepping out

"You did?" he asked walking by her side

"So tell me what is better than this" he said bending down his head and kissing her passionately. He held her close to his body and slipped his hand on her hair and back. She responded immediately to his kiss. He deepened the kiss and she parted her lips giving him total access to her mouth. His tongue danced with hers a hot and delicious dance. He could hear her moan as he pulled her closer to his body making her feel his package against her belly. He suddenly pushed his body away from hers

"Now you tell me Grey whoever kissed you better" he said walking to the porch leaving her in disbelief

"You ass" she said smirking

"Make a list Grey. Make a list" he said opening the front door and entering the house

She was slowly walking to the front door. In fact it was the best kiss she ever had but she will never let him know about

_

* * *

_

Chapter One is a Lifehouse song


	6. Hanging By A Moment

* * *

**Reflection of Love – Chapter 6**

**Hanging By A Moment**

* * *

Meredith was cool about their kisses last night. They just joked about it. She teased him saying that George kiss was better than his and so dysfunctional penis guy.

_You say it because you want me to kiss you again. You want me to prove you over and over again that I'm the best kiss you ever had. Be careful Grey if I kiss you again I will unsure you will find out others things that I'm the best_

_Cocky_

_Oh yeah, big hot one. _

_What? Is Meredith Grey blushed by the mention of a penis? Hahahaha_

_Shut up idiot_

_Seriously Meredith tell me who kissed you better than I did_

_I'm not telling you Alex_

_Why not? Oh I see because there is none_

_I'm going to bed_

_You are running away from your desire to kiss me again_

_Good night Alex_

_Good night. And watch your dreams_

* * *

She had dreamed about him all night and they weren't friend material. Not at all. How could her mind produce all those erotic scenes? She was getting crazy without sex. It has been more than 2 months since her last time with Derek and she needed sex, lots of sex and kissing Alex didn't help it. She tried to keep the kisses out of her head but she couldn't. It was like she could still feel his tongue dances with hers. His kiss was warm and sweet. Alex was sweet. Under the thorny skin there was just a sweet and lovely man.

She was dreaming awake about his kisses when he entered the kitchen

"Hey Grey. How were your dreams?" he asked

"Hot" she said

"And what did we do in these hot dreams of yours" he said close to her ear

"It is not fair Alex. You can't kiss a needy person like that. You made me dream. Dream about inappropriate people doing wrong wrong wrong nasty nasty" she said. She said it on purpose because she knew it will lead him to think she dreamed about Derek and not him. After all it was wrong to have those dreams about her roommate. Okay maybe he wasn't the wrong person maybe it was just wrong to have sexy dreams about him.

Alex was disappointed. He purposely kissed her last night. He wanted to kiss her on the best he could because maybe there will be a slight chance that she might fall for him the way he felt for her. Knowing their kiss only made her dream about Derek broke his heart. It has been more than 2 months and it seems like they broke up yesterday. Everybody else thought she was doing fine and that she was over McDreamy but he of all people knew the nights she still cried for Derek.

"So from now on, no kisses." She said

"Unless you admit that was the best kiss you had"

"Fine Alex, whatever" she said

"It was, wasn't?" he asked

"If that's what it takes for you to never kiss me again, then YES, it was the best kiss I ever had. By far, okay?" She said smirking

"You know you mean it Grey" he said leaving the kitchen with a mug of coffee

* * *

Alex avoided Lexie since the night Meredith told him she was asking the Chief to leave. He decided he had to do his best to make her stay at Seattle and he did. He convinced her to stay and she never had the conversation she planned to have with Richard. Alex knew that if he continues his fling with Lexie both women will be hurt so he just avoided her for one month. It was hard to do it as she was his intern but he really ignored all her flirtations and attempts to talk. The night they met he told her that he didn't do relationships. All he had to give her was the best sex of her life and the day he gets tired of it he will just stop. She agreed to have uncommitted sex and they had it for about one week and a half.

Lexie tried to approach Meredith but her sister was just hard to reach. They worked together in some cases but nothing could break Meredith's heart.

"Dr Karev" she called behind him

"Dr Grey" he asked without looking over her

"You live with my sister, don't you?" she asked

"Yes"

"Does… does… she… hate… me?" she rambled

"Dude you two are just the same, you know?" he said smirking

"What do you mean?" she asked

"You ramble just the same. No Lexie she never told me she hates you. She only said you are a pain in the ass and a stalker. Besides it she completely ignores your existence." He said leaving

"Hey" a voice came behind her "Don't care about he says"

"Hi Dr O'Malley" she said sadly

"He is Evil Spawn. Don't get any close or you will be burn." George said

"I guess I was already" she said

"Meredith doesn't hate you. She is… she just had… it is complicated. Give her time and space and things will settle down. You are such a lovely person and she will see it soon because she has just a great heart." He said

"Do you think Dr O'Malley?" she asked

"You can call me George"

"Do you think she will ever let me in George?" she asked

"I know for sure"

"Thanks for helping me" she said

He smiled at her and grabbed some charts from the nurse station

* * *

"How is it to work with her everyday?" Meredith asked Alex looking at Lexie having lunch with another interns

"She is a good doctor. A little dorky but she will make it well" he said

"Good" said Meredith sipping her soda

"She rambles just like you" he said smirking

"She probably snores also" Meredith said

"No she doesn't" Alex answered before realizing that he just assumed he had sex with her

"I can't believe you are sleeping with her Alex. I told you not to. You can sleep with all women in the world why do you just have to pick my sister?" she said standing up and leaving

"Shit" he said getting his pager in the table and his cell. He stood up and ran after her

"Meredith wait" he said not too loud to avoid a scene

She realized the elevator was there and nobody was waiting for it. The doors were already slipping to close when it opened again revealing him. Alex entered the elevator and as soon as it started to move he pressed to stop button

"I first met her in the interns' mixer. I didn't have any idea she was your sister. We had a good time and we slept together before her first day at Seattle Grace. We kept seeing each other for a week and a half or so. It was her in the car the day before you told me you were leaving Seattle. It has always been about the sex and I just stopped seeing her when I promised I would take care of you" he said "Not that I own you any explanation because I can sleep with anyone"

"Fine Alex. As you just said you are free to sleep with anyone you want. Now can you release the elevator? I have to work" she said angrily

He pulled back the button but the elevator didn't move. He pulled and pushed it over again but nothing. It didn't move an inch

"Great" she sighed

* * *

Alex called for help and explained what happened not mentioning why he had to push the stop button. He was in the front right corner of the elevator and Meredith was in the back left corner. They didn't exchange any word and it was killing Alex. It couldn't be happening not when he finally felt the sweet taste of her kiss. He would handle his platonic love for years but not one day without her friendship and company.

_Idiot. How could you sleep with her? But maybe it was for good. It will prevent me to ever want to kiss you again_ she thought. She was really mad on him although she didn't know exactly why. _Okay he has slept with Lexie but he just ensured he isn't sleeping with her anymore_. Why would she care? He really can sleep with anyone he wants. Also Lexie wasn't that bad. She might be a stalker but she was okay. _Can I possibly be jealous? No way. Sure not Meredith. Look at him, he is Evil Spawn, he is an asswhole, a douche bag. He is... hot and a good kisser and he can be sweet sometimes. But no Meredith you are not jealous and you are NOT pining for him _she thought as she looked at him

Meredith started to sweat coldly. She was a little claustrophobic and they were there for about 10 minutes. At least Alex wasn't making it any worse. He was ignoring her presence and it was for good. Alex was mad. Mad on him. Mad on her. Mad on Lexie. Mad on the elevator. He realized she was getting uncomfortable and maybe scared probably because of the elevator. She was just too proud and stubborn to admit it or ask him to be with her. But who said he had to wait her to ask? He crossed the elevator in her direction and placed hands against the elevator wall, each of his hands arms by her side sticking her. He was some inches away from her and he could feel her gasping slightly.

"I told you I'm not George and that we won't be like he and Izzie. You don't get to say me who I sleep with. It is my business not yours. I know it must be hard for you as you are running away from her but I never took her to the house. I had a great time with her because she is hot. I've been avoiding her for the last month because of you. So you don't get to be mad on me. I gave up on very hot sex because of you and I won't do it again." He said

Meredith looked annoyed by his speech but she didn't show any reaction until the elevator abruptly went down. She embraced him by instinct and he wrapped his hands on her body moving one hand to her back and the other to the back of her head. He could feel her heart racing and she gasping for breath. She held him as tight as she could. She was scared although she knew it was stupid. He couldn't help but smell the scent of her hair. He loved it. She always smelled so good. Her hair was soft just like her skin. Realizing she was gasping harder he stepped back and helped her to sit down. She folded her legs kinda in the yoga position and he sat across her. He interlaced his fingers on hers "Now look at me Mer" he said

"Forget about everything around us. Look at me alone. Breathe deep. Slow" he said breathing himself deep and slow "Good" he said when she started to follow him "I'm right here with you I won't let anything happen to you. Trust me. Deep and slow" he said feeling she held tighter his hands when he told her nothing will happen to her. He slowly released his hands and moved to sit by her side wrapping his arm around her shoulder "Keep the pace Mer" he said "I'm not leaving you babe. I'm right here with you"

She unfolded her legs and bent her head over his chest while they heard the technicians talking. There was another bump and he pulled her over his lap. She sat between his spread legs and laid her side on his chest placing her head against his heart. His left arm wrapped her waist and his right caressed her hair and face "Keep breathing slow and deep. You heard them they are almost there"

* * *

After being stuck in the elevator for almost half hour the doors finally slipped. He caught her tiny body and stood up holding her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him neck and he brought her to a room attracting the eyes and whisperings of everyone around them.

"She had a panic attack, hyperventilated. I think she might be claustrophobic." He said laying her in the gurney "I don't think we need to give her any medication. Just let her rest a little bit. I will talk to the chief and to Dr Torres." Alex said to the nurse

When he moved to leave the room she stretched her hand and grabbed his arm. He looked to her face and there was still a bit of fear.

"It is over Mer" he said caressing her forehead

Alex sat by her side and asked the nurse to go get Torres or Webber.

Derek entered the room and headed straight to the gurney

"Are you okay?" he said holding her hand "I'm here Meredith." He said caressing her face

Alex was uncomfortable but he didn't leave.

"I'm okay" she said

"I know, but I will be here anyway"

"You don't need to"

"I want to"

"Thank you Derek"

He bent over her and softly brushed her lips "I love you Meredith" he uttered

Alex's heart beat harder in his chest. Derek was kissing Meredith and saying he loves her and she didn't show any resistance. She didn't answer anything back and he couldn't say if the responded the kiss because it was very soft and quick. There was pain in his heart. It was like a knife was engraved on his chest. He never felt a pain like that. Not even when Izzie told him he wasn't half the man Denny was. The pain was killing him. He had to leave the room. He had to get out of there to yell and cry. In one movement he jumped from the chair and stormed out the room. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't care about the eyes on him. He was running to anywhere. The tears burned in his eyes but he didn't let them fall. He headed to the basement floor where they used to go. That was the refuge of the five of them since they started their internship. Alex sat in the gurney and buried his head in his knees. His hands were on the back of his head and tears were falling in the gurney. He never felt that pain. He loved Meredith, he really did and seeing Derek kissing her was more than he could stand. That was the perfect occasion to Derek gets Meredith back and he knew he had lost her to the man she loves. He has lost what he never got. Their kiss, her body on his in the elevator, the smell of her hair, the sound of her giggles, her soft skin. Memories of someone he knew would never be his.

* * *

Alex left the room so abruptly that he didn't listen her calling him back. She looked to Derek and the warmth of his lips on hers made her heart races. She loved him. She has loved him but she wasn't sure about her feelings in that moment.

"Derek. Things have changed. I…. I don't… know… if… I can't… my feelings… I don't know my feelings. I need time…. I need to figure… to figure out what is happening… you told you couldn't… breathe for me anymore… but the fact is… before you… I never needed Derek… I never needed anyone… anyone to breathe for me." she rambled in tears

"Meredith what happened?" asked Richard entering the room

"It is nothing Chief. I got stuck in the elevator for 30 minutes and I got claustrophobic but I'm fine." She said wiping her tears and standing up to leave the room "I gotta go. I'm late. I've should started preparing Mrs. Frost for surgery 15 minutes ago. Excuse me" she said leaving the room

Richard looked to Derek and he nodded to the old man. He left the room with the nurse and Derek stayed stood up there with one hand over the empty gurney. For the first time he felt like he lost her forever. She said that she didn't know about her feelings but he could see that the fading brightness in her eyes, the brightness of her love for him had finally faded completely. She may not know but he did. Meredith didn't love him anymore.

* * *

_Hanging By A Moment is a Lifehouse song_


	7. First Time

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 7**

**First Time**

* * *

A/N: I think I should warn you that this chapter makes mention of violence. It's is not explicit. Something just like season 2 when Burke was shot. I thought I should warn you anyway.

* * *

_I'm not going home today. Get a hide_. He texted her.

Meredith had been in Mrs. Frost surgery the whole afternoon. It was almost 7pm when she finally stepped out the OR and got his message. She was tired and she thought he was probably still mad on her because of Lexie.

She got a cab and went home. He wasn't there and she felt alone. She missed him. She missed sitting on the couch and watching some TV or any tape of her mother' surgeries. She will have dinner alone. She ordered some Domino's pizza because it was his favorite although she preferred Pizza Hut. The jokes of her favorite shows seemed so boring, nothing could make her smirk. The house was too big and she felt lost there. She had lived alone there only a couple of weeks before George and Izzie moved in. Since then there were always people there and she hated to be alone. It was like she was left behind. She has been a friend of loneliness for almost all her life but since she got a _family_ she didn't know how to be alone anymore. She didn't sleep well that night. She rolled on the bed over and over again. He was probably sleeping with someone else, maybe Lexie. He was right it wasn't her business who he sleeps with.

He was in any of the hospital on call rooms. He wasn't in the surgical floors because he didn't want anyone to disturb him. He couldn't sleep thinking about Derek touching her skin in that same moment. Maybe he'd should gone back home. She was probably in Derek's trailer but knowing that was a slight chance to meet them in the house makes him sick.

* * *

Early in the next morning she headed to the hospital in her car. She arrived about half hour before she should. It wasn't intentionally but she couldn't sleep and it wasn't bearable to stay there alone. She went to the residents' room and sat in the bench close to the wall. She was lost in her mind when he entered.

"Hey" he said avoiding any eye contact and heading straight to his locker

"Hi" she said

There was an awkward silence between them. None knew what to say, where to start. She wanted to apologize for her behavior in the day before and he wanted to know if she and Shepherd were back together. Neither of them could break the silence and the others residents started to enter the room.

"Are you coming back tonight?" she finally said before they leave

"I don't know. I'll let you know later" he said leaving the room and still avoiding look at her

"Is there any problem with you and Evil Spawn?" Cristina asked behind her

"He slept with Lexie" Meredith said

"This is what he does. This is his thing. Sleep with the hot chicks of the hospital. He probably slept with more nurses and interns than Sloan did" Cristina said

"Maybe" Meredith answered leaving the room also

That night he didn't come back again. He changed his shift with Izzie and he was on call. She was alone in the house again and it was harder than the night before.

* * *

The next day in the hospital she met him before everyone arrives.

"How was your shift?" she asked

"Hell" he answered

"Alex" she said unsure

He looked to her waiting her to say something.

"I missed you" she said with her head lowered. She couldn't say it and look to him

He didn't know how to react. He was sure she and Derek were back together.

"It sucks being alone at the house" she completed

She was alone. She wasn't with Shepherd. But why? They kissed. He told he loves her and she was there staring his McDreamy grin. Why was she sleeping alone in the house?

"I thought you were with Shepherd" he confessed

"No. Why? No, I don't see him since that day. I think he was off yesterday. I didn't see him since then and neither his sister" she said

"I didn't want to be in your way" he said

"Are you going home tonight?" she asked raising her head to look at him for the first time completely ignoring his remark about she and Derek

He could see she was sad and it broke his heart. How could he hurry to conclusions? She was probably feeling alone, feeling abandoned by him. _I'm a jackass_ he thought. He looked at her and moved his fingers to her chin "Sure. I told I would take care of you, didn't I?" She nodded and embraced him

"Take it easy Grey. I know you are dying to kiss me again. I will fix your needs tonight" he said teasing her

"Cocky" she said smacking his arm and pushing herself away from him

"I know it is hard to resist to me. You should just give up" he said smirking

"Where is the chief of residency when we need her?" Meredith said "I missed you but two minutes with you already made me change my mind" she said with a smile in her face

He smirked and it was like all angst was drained of his heart.

* * *

One week has passed and they were having breakfast together

"I need to go to the bank today" she said

"I'll go with you I need to get some cash"

"I need to deposit the check I've received from my lawyer" she said

"We can go after lunch" he said

"Okay" she said sipping the orange juicy he made to her

* * *

Each other got one sandwich to eat in their way to the bank. It wasn't too far from the hospital and both had only to use the cash dispenser. It will be quick, they thought

The bank was considerable empty as it uses to be that time of the month.

Meredith decided to take the opportunity and talk to the manager. Alex was depositing the check for her and getting some cash while she talked to Mr. Abrahams

Alex finished in the cash dispenser and headed to the chairs in front of the manager desk. He didn't want to sit by her side because they were talking about her money. Meredith shook Mr. Abrahams hand and turned to Alex. They were leading to leave the bank when two hooded men entered the banking announcing a robbery.

Meredith immediately embraced Alex that held her close

"Nobody moves" one of the men yelled "If you do exactly what we say you will be safe and sound."

There were about fifteen people in the bank counting the eight employees. One of the thieves placed his gun in the head of Mr. Abrahams and took him. The other man reunited the other fourteen people in the lobby. He also had a gun and threatened to shoot on anyone that tried to make any move.

Ten minutes later the other man was back with some black bags. He threw Mr. Abrahams in the floor with the others, got more empty bags and headed back to the hallway that leaded to the bank safe.

The man that stayed with the hostages got their cell phones but Meredith and Alex completely forgot about the pages hung in their paints under their shirts.

The other man came back from the bank safe and they were organizing the bags to leave when Alex's pager biped.

Alex tried to turn it off but of the man kicked him "What are you doing?"

"I'm just turning it off" said Alex stretching his hand to turn off his pager.

"Alex" Meredith yelled with horror in her eyes

* * *

The next seconds were confused. People were yelling and the thieves were running to leave the bank

Meredith crawled until Alex's body lied in the floor.

"Call 911" she yelled as she tried to stop the bleeding in his abdomen

"Oh Alex" she said shedding tears. "It is okay. You will be okay" she said desperately

"Meredith" he whispered

"I'm right here. The ambulance is arriving, you will be okay" she said

"I love you Meredith" he said before loses consciousness.

She took her jacket off and used it to cover the hole the bulled did close to his waist. She moved his head to her lap and the tears rolled from her face to his. She did the best she could to minimize the bleeding and about 5 minutes later the ambulance was there.

They quickly moved Alex to a stretcher. Meredith ran after the paramedics and demanded to go with them in the ambulance.

"We are doctors. We work at SGH. Please take him there" she said.

* * *

Less than ten minutes later they were entering SGH's ER and Meredith was walking by his side holding his hand.

"Page Dr Bailey" she ordered one of her own interns "NOWWW!" she yelled

Bailey quickly joined them

"Back off Grey" she said "You did what you could, you controlled his bleeding from now on let us work"

Meredith took her jacket soaked with his blood and looked at his motionless body in the gurney.

She was devastated by the pain. Her whole body trembled as she held the bloody jacket against her chest staining his blood on her blouse. She couldn't be there while they were operating on him. She headed to the gallery. He was helped quickly and hopefully he would make it. None of their friends was assisting Dr Bailey. She picked two 3rd year residents to assist her and there was no intern in the OR.

Izzie was in surgery, Cristina was off and George had been paged. Some minutes later and he and Lexie joined Meredith in the gallery. George and Alex weren't best friends but he was there when George lost his father. They had some fights but they were family.

Lots of things rushed through Meredith's mind and she barely realized Lexie and George presence. She knew her friend, her current best friend, was struggling for his life and though she made silent prayers for him she couldn't take his words of her head. _I love you Meredith. I love you Meredith. I love you Meredith._ She knows she shouldn't think about it, she knows the most important thing in that moment was his life but she couldn't forget his words. _What does it mean? Why he told it? Did he mean it?_ She desperately wanted to know what he meant almost as much as she wanted him to survive the surgery.

It has been less than one hour since Alex was admitted but it seemed like forever.

Lexie wrapped her arm over her sister shoulder. Meredith looked to her and Lexie nodded to her "He is… strong… he wrestles… he wrestled… he is from Iowa… people from Iowa are strong… I mean… Alex is strong… he is a wrestler. I should shut up" her young sister rambled

"Thanks Lexie." she said to her sister moving her hand over her sister's.

* * *

Two hours and a half later Alex was in the room. All his friends were around his gurney when he woke up. Cristina was sat at the chair close to his bed, reading a magazine. Izzie was holding his hand in the other side of the bed. George and Meredith were sat on the chairs across his bed

"How was the view of hell, Evil Spawn?" Cristina asked sarcastically

"I thought I was waking up there when I opened my eyes and saw your face" he said smirking

"How are you feeling?" Izzie asked

"I'm fine. I'm from Iowa. We are hardcore. It takes more than a bullet to knock us down" he said stretching his hand on his abdomen in pain

"He needs to rest. He lost a lot of blood and he needs to rest." Said Bailey

"Welcome back man" told George standing up

"Get some rest" told Izzie caressing his hair

"You will have to make up for my day off Evil Spawn" said Cristina

"I'm all call tonight" said Meredith to the group "I will keep an eye on him" standing up while her friends were leaving the room

"How are you doing?" said her in the feet of his bed

"I will survive. I survived worst things" he smirked

"Do you want some water?" she said walking in the direction of the table close to the window

He nodded and she filled a glass of water and handled it to him with a straw.

"Thanks" he said getting the glass

Meredith kept some distance. She didn't know what to do and she wouldn't address the subject. There was a disturbing silence in his room. Meredith didn't make the first move neither did Alex.

"I think… I should go… interns… they can't be alone…" she rambled

"Okay" he said

"I'll come back later" she said leaving the room

* * *

Meredith checked on her patients and gave some instructions to her interns. She couldn't think on anything else but Alex. She was relieved he was doing well. But what if he loves her? She definitely had feelings for him but she wasn't sure _which kind _of feelings. The two nights she spent alone in her house were painful. She missed him. After the incident in the elevator she missed his caress. She felt safe in his arms and her heart rushed with his touch. Did she have a crush on him? Was she falling for him? What will she say to him if he repeats it? Meredith was confused. She knew for sure she didn't feel anything when Derek kissed her but her body shivered with Alex's kiss. Until today she denied it the best she could. She didn't know how he felt about her and he was Evil Spawn after all, he was probably destitute of feelings. Any woman that fell from him cried in the morning. But now he aid he loves her. Maybe he thought he would die. Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe he loved her as a friend or sister.

She got back from her thoughts when someone called her. She turned away and saw Lexie

"How is he?" she asked

"He is fine. He is gonna make it just fine" Meredith answered

Lexie shyly smiled.

"Why don't you go see him?" she asked

"I don't… I'm not… you were there… you are his friends… I… I… didn't want…" she rambled

"Lexie. You are his friend also. You guys were hanging out together until the other day. He will be happy to see you" Meredith said

"Thank you Meredith"

_See Meredith? You are not jealous; you just asked his very good sex to go to his room. __You are a pimp _she said to herself

* * *

Alex was alone in his room thinking about what he said to her. He loved her but he didn't intent to let her know. He didn't regret it but he didn't feel comfortable. He didn't want to bring the subject over again and he knew Meredith will avoid it also especially because she didn't go back to his room for the rest of the afternoon.

She missed him.

He missed her.

But none of them were daring to show their feelings.

"I just checked on him. He is fine" said Izzie approaching the nurse station where Meredith was

"Good" she merely answered

"I'm going home. If anything happens let us know" Izzie said leaving

"Okay"

* * *

Time passed and it was almost midnight and she still didn't come back to check on him. She asked the nurse of his floor and she confirmed he was stable and awake.

He didn't ask for her. He was avoiding her as well.

She was paged to check on a patient in his floor and when she was coming back to the on call room she heard a commotion. Two nurses were running to his room. Meredith heart stopped for one moment. She ran towards his room and there were three nurses and an intern around him

"What happened? Why I wasn't paged?" Meredith yelled

"He's BP is up and so his heart beat. It just happened" the intern said

Meredith got in charge and after gives him some medication his BP and HB were stabilized

"You can go. I will take care of him" said Meredith

"Seriously, don't you think you already played enough with my heart today?" she asked him as soon as everybody left his room "You scared me as hell"

"I told you. I'm hardcore"

"You better be otherwise I will kill you" she said

He smirked and both were in silence for some minutes

"Well I guess I can go now, are you feeling okay?"

"Yes"

"Okay. I will ask the nurses to check on you at each 30 minutes" she said writing down some notes on his chart

"Meredith" he called her

She turned to him but he didn't say anything

"What Alex, are you feeling anything?" she asked

"Could you stay?" he asked with sadness in his eyes "Please"

"Sure" she said half smiling

In that moment Meredith realized how selfish she was. He has been shot and she was avoiding him to don't face her feelings. When she needed him he was unconditionally by her side and now she was running away when he needed her the most

"Sorry" she said caressing his hair. The moment he felt her touch he closed his eyes. It could heal everything he might have better than any medicine.

"It hurts" he babbled

"Where?" she asked concerned

"Inside" he simply answered

"Talk to me Alex. Where does it hurt?" she asked holding his hand

"I need you" he told her

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere…. Sorry I didn't want… to let you alone. I don't know… what I was thinking... I was selfish. You were a great friend… for me and… when it turned to me… I was absent... I'm so sorry Alex." She said rambling and letting one tear roll down on her cheek

"I'm sorry too" he said

"Why? It wasn't your fault Alex" she said caressing his face

"I shouldn't tell you… that" he said

Meredith knew exactly what he was talking.

"Shh. You were on stress. It is okay Alex. Everything is okay between us." She said although it was a lie

There was silence again between the two residents and after a few minutes Alex finally spoke

"I meant it Meredith" he said looking in her eyes

"What… What… are you… talking… about … Alex?" said Meredith tensed

"I love you" he said sliding his hand on her neck "I'm in love with you" he said pulling her closer to him

Meredith didn't say anything but she bent her body over his and passionately kissed him. He ran his fingers in her hair and moved his other hand to her waist. She had both hands on each side of his face. She didn't know what she felt for him but she knew all she wanted in that moment was to feel the warmth of his lips

_

* * *

_

First Time is a Lifehouse song

_A/N: I think I should warn you about the shot. I know I rated it to M but anyway I tried to do it less violent as I could because I don't like violence either. I hope you guys are enjoying it. I'm such a big fan of MerAlex because they are my favorite characters in the show. It has been very hard for Alex to let her know his feelings. Alex doesn't know how to handle his feelings and Meredith doesn't know hers. This is next in the story :)_


	8. Who We Are

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 8**

**Who We Are**

* * *

Meredith spent that night in his room. She asked another gurney and she slept by his side. Her pager biped some times during the night and she carefully left without waking him up.

Alex spent three days in the hospital and she slept with him the three of them. Her friends thought it was weird but she told them she didn't feel good sleeping alone in the house. Fortunately his injury wasn't serious. The bullet didn't affect any major artery or vein or did major damage to his vital organs as it was in the very lateral of his left side.

He was finally released to go home. He didn't want anyone to let his family knows. He told them he was old enough to take care of himself but Meredith didn't want to leave him alone. Not after all the passionate kisses they shared in the last three days. All she wanted was to take care of him. She talked to the chief and asked him to spend some days with him at home. She explained he didn't have anyone and it was easier for her to be there with him. Richard didn't know how to say no to Meredith. If she was his daughter she will certainly be a spoiled girl.

They haven't talk about their status in the hospital. There was always someone around and they had to be very careful to don't be caught kissing especially the night Izzie was on call.

She took him home and decided to let him on her bedroom. Her bed was just bigger and more comfortable and she will supposedly sleep on his bed.

"I can't believe I left the hospital" he said

"You did" she answered helping him sits down in the couch

"You know what it means?" he said

"What it means?" she asked sitting by his side

"That I can kiss you" he said kissing her "whenever" he kissed her again "I want" he said with one more kiss

"I like it" she said kissing him one more time

"Am I or am I not the best kiss you ever had?" he said kissing her again

"You definitely are" she said giggling while his lips running her ear and neck

"Well you know your recommendations. Don't walk long distances. You can't carry any weight; can't bend down and can't have sex for one month" she said smirking

"Who says I can resist you for one month?" he said

"Who says I will have sex with you?" she answered

"You can't resist me Grey" he teased her

"I stopped sleeping with inappropriate men" she said kissing him again

"And how appropriate is seduce an injured man?" he said biting her ear

"Totally inappropriate" she said giggling

* * *

They had a great time together. They never felt so right. They knew each other and although they didn't know what exactly broke the other they just accepted who they were. The last couple of days gave Meredith the answer she needed. She didn't have any doubt anymore. She was falling in love with him. It was more than just a crush or attraction. Maybe it wasn't the love she felt for Derek one day but it certainly was worthy to feel.

They had only one more day before she gets back to work and letting him behind was so hard. She loved his caresses and kisses and it was hard to leave him.

"You know this is your last day in heaven, don't you?" she said laid by his side in her bed

"I don't want to think about it" he said kissing her foot and making her laugh

"I wish I could stay longer" she said while he kissed her leg

"I wish never leave your bed" said him kissing behind her knees making her moans

"Stop Alex. You can't tease someone that doesn't have sex for almost 3 months" she said

"I'm not teasing you" he said kissing her thigh

Shivers ran over her body. Waves of pleasure pulsed inside her while he pulled her panties down her legs

"Alex… you can't" she moaned

"Just because I can't doesn't mean you can't enjoy" he said kissing her wet pussy.

"Oh Alex" she murmured with both hands on his head

"I will give what you deserve" he told licking her clit making her moans long and loud

He spread her legs and buried his head between them. His hands were caressing her ass while he sucked her wet pussy. "You taste so sweet" he said

"Alex, I want you. I want you to thrust me. I want to feel you inside me." she cried out

"You know I can't babe but I will make up for you" he said thrusting two fingers into her folders

She moaned long and loud as he pushed out and pulled his fingers into her hot and wet pussy making her twists in the bed

Her legs were shaking and waves of pleasure consumed her body. Alex pushed off his fingers from her folders when he felt her orgasm fluid. He licked his fingers soaked with her sweet milk

"You are delicious" he said sucking his fingers until the last drop of her cream "I don't think I can get enough of you" he said moving his head back between her thighs.

He sucked her and she convulsed on pleasure "Alex, oh my God, oh Alex, harder, oh Alex, yeah, yeah, Alex, Alex, Alex" she yelled when she finally reached another orgasm "Oh my God" she said with her head tilted in her pillow "I love you babe" he said crawling over her body and kissing her

"You didn't need to do it. I would wait for you" she said caressing his hair while he laid over her body with his head over her chest

"I wanted" he said caressing her nipple

"I will make up for you" she said

"You already did" he said

"How?" she asked

"With your sweet cream" he said rolling over her bed and laying by her side

"But I want to seriously make up for you" she said kissing him

"You will"

* * *

They spent almost all day in her bed. They were really in love with each other and they looked like teenagers. They were kissing and laughing all time long. Playing with which other and it was just too good to let it behind and go to work in the next day. Maybe it was because of the anticipation as Alex couldn't have sex for one month.

They finally left her bedroom and went downstairs to eat and watch some TV show.

They were making out on her couch when she heard someone unlocking the front door.

"Back off Alex, there is someone opening the front door" she said

"Whatever, we are just kissing" he said trying to kiss her neck as she slipped from him and headed to the door to meet Izzie

"Hey" said Meredith trying to fix her hair

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?" she asked to Alex

"I'm fine" said Alex pissed off

"You don't seem to be fine" Izzie said while Meredith was behind her looking to the floor

"I should go check the laundry" Meredith said leaving the room. She couldn't face Alex. They didn't talk if their relationship will be public. In fact she didn't know if they were or not in a relationship, they haven't talked at all. In the hospital they just shared some kisses but in the last three days they were really living like a couple, a _happy couple_. Meredith was a little scared. Things were so easy. Something was wrong. It didn't have to be so complicated like it was with Derek but relationships weren't that easy either.

Alex didn't seem very pleased. He didn't like her reaction. They didn't talk about it but he was pretty sure they were together. He didn't want to hide it. _Is she embarrassed to be me with me? Is it because she still loves Derek? Am I only a distraction? Are we just making out?_ He was very angry. Whatever were the reasons Meredith made it a secret he disagreed. Although she didn't say how she felt about him he knew she was happy and he loved her.

Izzie was talking to Alex but she could see he was angry and acting weird. Meredith wasn't okay either. She came back and didn't say a word

"Spit it out guys. What the hell is going on?"

"What?" they asked together

"There is something wrong going on. Meredith you are such a bad liar and Alex although lies are your thing you are pissed. So what is going on? What are you hiding?" Izzie asked

Both Alex and Meredith tried to deny but Izzie didn't let go.

"Okay." Meredith said "I'm seeing someone and it is bothering Alex because I decided to make it a secret" Meredith told

"What do you mean? Someone other than McDreamy?" Izzie asked shocked

"I think so if I was back with him it wouldn't be a secret. He would never agree to make it a secret" Meredith said

"I see" Alex said angry

"But why is Alex so angry?" she asked to both

"Because now this house has rules and you just broke one. People can't enter without ding the bell. You never know what you will find in the living room. Besides if I'm doing it a secret it is because I don't want people to know" she said looking to Alex "For now"

"Why Meredith?" Izzie asked

"Yes, Meredith. Why?" Alex asked sarcastically

"It is complicated" she said

"More than McDreamy? I mean how can anything be more complicated than a hidden satan wife and sex in the prom? Not considering the time and space phase and then the knight shinning whatever that can't breath for you. Oh and the boss of my boss thing" Said Izzie

"It is just complicated" she said incapable to look at Alex face

"This conversation is just too girly. I'm going upstairs. See ya Iz" he said

"Take care Alex" she said turning immediately to Meredith

"Who is he? Do we know him? How did you meet him? Is he hot?" Izzie said at once

"Iz, I really want to give it a shot before I tell you guys. It has been just complicated with Derek. It hurt and I don't want to feel that pain again. So now I'm going slow. In the right moment I will let everyone know. I just need time. I want it to work but only if it is meant to work. I need to see how things work out. I don't want to be hurt again" said Meredith

As Alex still had some difficulty to walk he could hear what she said to Izzie. It wasn't any of the things he thought. She was afraid of things don't work out between them. She was scared by feeling the same pain Derek caused her. The nights he heard her sobs brought memories he tried to forget and it was as painful as _those_ _others_ nights had been. It hurts to be powerless when someone you love is suffering. The pain consumed him. He would do anything he could to help her. He had given his life to have helped _her_ if he could but there was nothing he could have done to any of _them. _He had to think. He will have to watch himself because Meredith couldn't broken again. He knew he screws thing up. He knew that doesn't matter how much he tries he always screws up but he couldn't give up on her, not after the last days they had together. He wouldn't.

* * *

Izzie tried to convince Meredith to tell her but after 20 minutes the blond gave up and left.

Meredith didn't know how to look at Alex's face. She knew he was hurt. Although he could lie about many things he couldn't hide the pain he felt when she left him.

Meredith sat in the couch and got lost in her thoughts. She didn't realize when he went downstairs. It hurt to go up and downstairs but he heard when Izzie left. He ignored his pain and walked in her direction sitting just by her side. She bit her lower lip thinking on what she could say to him.

"Alex" she said

"Don't" he answered moving his index finger on her lips and then replacing it by his own lips. Her tensed body relaxed the moment she felt his warm lips on her. He moved over her bending each of his knees by her side over the couch. He didn't try to part her lips and although she released them for his tongue he didn't. His lips moved slowly on hers. His hand moved to her head and he softly caressed her hair. That was a different kiss. He didn't look for her tongue as he usually does. There wasn't the usual rush of the desire. All it had was love and assurance.

He slowly separated his lips from hers. He was still close to her. His forehead still touched hers and he was looking into her eyes "Take your time"

"It is not about yo--" she said

He pulled his face some inches away from hers and cut off her words.

"Just take your time. I know he broke you and that you are not done getting the pieces together. I don't want to rush you. I want to make things right this time. I never did. I admit I never did. I always screwed up and I know it doesn't give you the best perspective but I will try my best because you are worthy. I never met someone like you Meredith. You are understanding, you are compassionate, you never judge anyone, ever, doesn't matter what people do you are always supportive to them but never to their mistakes because you don't negotiate your principles. You are giving and when I say you are the most beautiful woman I ever met I don't mean only your hotness. I mean all of you."

She had tears in her eyes. For the first time in her life someone said such things about her. He didn't say with all words but she knew he was proud of who she was. Like the way Derek was proud of his sister. Like the way her mother was proud of the surgeon Ellis was. She felt like she never did anyone proud of her and Alex was there, with his knees bent around her saying how he admired her. She caressed softly his face while tears fell from her eyes "No one ever told me anything like this. Thank you Alex"

_

* * *

_

Who We Are is a Lifehouse song


	9. Just To Be Where You Are

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 9**

**Just To Be Where You Are**

* * *

"Only one more day" she said

"Finally, I can't stand be in this house anymore" he said

"I thought you liked living here" she said

"I love live here but when you aren't here I hate" he sad wrapping his arms on her waist

"Why?" she asked

"Because I feel your smell everywhere I go and I don't have you in my arms" he said smelling her hair

"I'm here now" she said

"I know" he said with his head buried in her hair kissing the back of her neck

"It's hard to leave" she said

"Is it?" he said licking and kissing her neck

"Yeah" she moaned

"So don't" he said kissing her breast

"I have to" she said tilting back her head

"You don't" he said kissing again her neck

"I do" she said pushing him away

"Your skin is so soft" he said "I can't resist"

"But we need to" said smirking

"I don't want" he said pulling her back and kissing her neck again

"I don't want either" she said raising his head and kissing him

"I can't wait" said her feeling his hard erection against her waist

"_I_ can't wait. I have almost more than a month to release" he said smirking

"You've been such generous to me, you know?" she said

"Yes and don't think it is because I'm good. I'm Evil Spawn I'm just giving you a lot to make up for me" he said smirking

"And I will. With pleasure"

"You can expect lots of pleasure" he said licking her ears

"Can someone be this cocky?" she asked

"You will say me"

"Seriously. You are just full of yourself"

"Very soon you will be full of me also"

"Dirty!"

* * *

Neither Meredith or Alex could wait until he was released to have sex. He had made it to her a few times and it was great but she really wanted to give him the same pleasure he had given to her. He also wanted her to feel everything. He wanted her to feel him inside of her; he wanted to kiss her while she reaches the orgasm. He wanted to make love to her.

Although the last couple of weeks have been great and they had what just seemed the perfect relationship she still didn't say him what she felt about him. She felt like she didn't love him yet and she couldn't say him another thing. He knew it. He had said it to her a few times and he never had the mutual answer. But it was okay for him. He knew she had feelings for him and if these feelings weren't love yet it is okay. He knows she is honest and when she says it to him it will be true.

* * *

She let to work and he was alone again in the house. He wanted to do something special to her but he didn't know what. He wasn't good on these things. He never gave a gift to a girlfriend. In fact he never had a girlfriend. He didn't know how to do romantic speeches or write lovely letters and he didn't know if she likes these things. He only knew how to love her with his kisses, with his caresses, with his touch, with sex. He didn't know much more in addition to this but he wanted to know. She deserved. Derek didn't do many things for her either and he just felt like she never had this from anyone.

He decided to make a research. Even finding the best key words was hard.

_Flowers._ "Too obvious"

_Chocolate._ "She already eats enough junkie food"

_Teddy bears._ "Corny"

_The three of them together._ "Too corny"

_Jewelry._ "Too fancy'

_Send e-cards._ "Too simple and corny"

_Leave her a message.__ At a billboard._ "Toooooooo corny"

_Take her out on a special dinner_. "Could be"

_Buy her new lingerie_. "Way to go"

"This I could do. I think she might like it" he said opening a website he just found out. He had a plan.

* * *

The last weeks haven't been easy to Meredith. Sure Izzie told Cristina about Meredith mysterious guy.

"Seriously. Are you seeing a chick?" asked Cristina sitting down at the table to have lunch

"What? No. No vagina's monologue." Meredith answered

"So what? Is he that creepy?"

"It is complicated. Things are just fine the way they are." Meredith said

"How is the sex?" asked Izzie joining the two residents

"We didn't… I mean he doesn't… it is complicated"

"Are you dating a priest?" Cristina asked shocked

"Ew. No!" said Meredith

"So how can you don't have sex in weeks?!"

"Oh I see, you are back with Finn" said Izzie

"I'm not telling you guys. We are figuring it out and things are fine."

"Is he a vet? I told you, they are not even doctors." Cristina said

"Okay. He is doctor. This is all you have this week. A human doctor" Meredith said leaving the table

"Does he work here?" Izzie yelled but Meredith just ignored

* * *

"Hey" said Callie

"Hi" Meredith answered

"Having lunch in the OR? Seriously Grey you've used them better" said Callie

"Well it seems the only thing I can do it now, besides this is the only place Cristina and Izzie will let me alone"

"Oh, they still bother you about your mysterious date?" Callie asked

"How do you know it?" Meredith asked shocked

"In fact there is a poll about it" Callie said smirking

"You gotta be kidding me" said Meredith angry

"I know because Mark bet his 50 bucks that is someone from Seattle Grace and this is why you are hiding"

"Seriously. People in this hospital should care about their patients lives alone."

"Oh. There are a couple of people betting on patients. But I know you are not like this" Callie said smirking

Meredith just looked very annoyed and didn't say anything

"Let it be Grey. If you are happy and you seem happy, just let it be"

"I don't want to mess up things before they got messed by themselves"

"I date a manwhore Grey, a manwhore for God' sake and I don't care. I have the best sex I ever had and he makes me laugh. A lot. So let it be." Said Callie

"How you guys are doing?"

"We are fine. We both live at hotel rooms and just have lots of fun. We need to have fun Meredith. We need to make up for the time we were sleeping over biology and anatomy books while people were having fun. We have the rest of our lives to grow. Just have some fun"

"I guess you are right"

"I am. I mean I loved George and I wanted to get married but now I see it was a big mistake. He was the great guy that totally broke me because I thought he was the guy that would never break me. Now I'm with Sloan and I know he is just an asswhole, so what can I expect? Nothing. What can I get? Everything. I mean whatever he gives me it is better that I could ever expect."

"But what if he really can't give you anything"

"Then I wait. They do, Meredith. They always do. The best men are the menwhore. You enjoy the sex and the fun. Eventually they will get tired of this and if you are lucky enough you will be with them when they come to realization and this case they will make you the happiest woman ever."

"But if they never come to realization?"

"Then enjoy the fun and the sex as long as you can but Meredith they will. Sex and fun was what they ever had. Just make sure you are the woman to make them realize it. Be where they are Meredith. If it is only about the sex then make it about the sex. But if you feel that there is a slight chance that it might be something else. Than just grab it"

"And how do you know?" Meredith asked

"Let him make the moves. You will realize when the moves change. Slowly they will be more than new lingerie and fantasies" Callie said

"Is Sloan making the moves?" Meredith asked smirking

"I don't know, I'm not paying attentio enough because I'm all for the fun. I always took things very seriously in my life. Maybe eventually I would like to try a serious relationship again. Maybe"

"So what is your bet?" Meredith asked

"About your mysterious guy?" Callie asked smirking

"Yeah. I want to know how close you are" Meredith said smirking

"Seriously Grey, do you think I would give you a manwhore speech if I didn't know it is Alex?" said Callie letting Meredith shocked

"How do you… who… did you…?" rambled Meredith

"I saw you guys kissing one night after his surgery. You weren't discreet Meredith" said Callie "Plus. Izzie and Cristina must be really blind. How come you have a mysterious boyfriend that appears at your house and Alex doesn't know who is?"

"Yeah. This was a lame excuse" Meredith agreed

"But they are so convinced that you'll never date Evil Spawn that they just don't consider this possibility"

"So I guess you will win the poll" Meredith said smirking

"I didn't bet. Sloan did. But he really sucks on this. I have a lot of fun because he is always totally wrong." Callie said smirking

"Who he said?" Meredith asked curious

"Dr Steven"

" Eww. The gross ped?" Meredith asked

"Yeah. He told the only reason for Meredith Grey, VP of Dirty Mistress Club to hide a man she is having sex with is shame. See why I always have fun? Seriously a single 45 years old man that probably is still virgin and that spit when talks and that keep his hand half of time inside his paints? Mark really sucks in betting polls" said Callie making both residents laugh out loud

"Your secret is safe with me but think about it Meredith. There is no reason to hide it. Just enjoy it. You will have much more fun in the on call rooms than hiding from your stalking friends to have lunch" said Callie leaving the OCR

* * *

"Fine" said Meredith to Cristina and Izzie in the locker room

"What?" asked Cristina

"I will let you meet my date" Meredith said

"It was about time. I mean almost one month and no sex at all? I need to see check on him Meredith. Maybe he is just another dysfunctional penis guy" said Cristina

"When?" asked Izzie excitedly

"Tomorrow. At lunch." Meredith said

"So he is a doctor that works at SG" said Cristina

"Yes"

"Please Meredith just tell me you are not dating another attending, are you?" Izzie said

"No Izzie, he is a resident. Tomorrow at lunch you will meet him." said Meredith

"Just give us one more hint Mer" said Izzie

"Barbie. Get yourself together and wait until tomorrow" said Cristina "Is he a surgeon resident?" asked Cristina to Meredith

"Goodnight guys" Meredith said leaving the locker room

* * *

Meredith drove back home. It was an exhausting day and all she want was her bathtub and Alex

"I'm home" she yelled as she entered the living room

"Upstairs" he yelled back

"So how was your last day of vacation?" she asked

"Boring" he said laid on her bed

"Excited to get back to work?" she asked

"Excited to be closer to you" he said kissing her

"I ate in an on call room. You definitely has to get back soon to _work"_ she said

"Just three more days" he said kissing her neck

"Finally, I'm almost tying you in the bed" she said

"Part of any fantasy?" he asked running his fingers on her belly

"Maybe" she said kissing him when his cell phone vibrated

_Lex. I need you here. Please. Call me. M._

Alex read the message and deleted it.

"What is it?" Meredith asked

"Advertising" he lied

"Well I think we can start our 72h countdown" she said kissing his nape

"I can't wait" he said feeling guilty

_

* * *

_

Just To Be Where You Are is a Lifehouse song.


	10. You and Me

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 10**

**You and Me**

* * *

In the next morning she woke up earlier to make them breakfast. She tried to make him an omelet but it didn't work so well. She tried some pancakes and they were a little better. She was finishing the juicy when he entered the kitchen

"Good morning" he said wrapping his arms around her belly and kissing the back of her neck

"Good morning" she said turning around to kiss him

"What are you doing?" he asked

"I woke up earlier to make you a special breakfast to give you energy to your first day back but it isn't that good" she said

"You, Meredith Grey woke earlier for me?" he asked teasing her

"Yeah, can I know why it is so surprising?"

"Because you hate wake up earlier"

"Yeah but you needed it. You need to eat well to your first day. It will be tough" she said

"Thank you" he said eating a pancake "It is not that bad Mer"

"Don't try the omelet though" she said giggling

"I will" he said grabbing a fork to get a piece of omelet

"I told you" she said as he chewed the omelet

"Just a little more salt next time" he said

"I tried to fix it because the last time no one could eat for the salt" she said

"The third time is the charm" he said

She smiled as he put more salt in the omelet and ate it

* * *

"I can drive" he protested in the car

"No you can't" she said while she drove to hospital

"I can't understand why I can work but can't drive" he said. Driving is one of the things he missed the most. Sometimes he just drove to somewhere to put things in place in his head. Sometimes he just stepped on the gas to relax.

"We are going to have lunch with the guys today. They are all happy you are back at work" she said changing the subject

"I thought we would meet at the very old guy room" he said

"Change of plans"

"Why? It sucks to be far away from you when I'm really far but when I'm close it is even worst"

"Who would say Evil Spawn"

"What?"

"That you would be so corny" she said giggling

"I'm just depressed because I spent the last 4 weeks at home alone, doing nothing. I just want some action"

"You will have action within let me see 64 hours and 32 minutes"

"That is what you think" he said

"What do you mean?" she asked curious

"Wait and see" he said smirking

"You too. Wait and see" she said

* * *

They arrived in the hospital and lots of people came to greet Alex. Meredith laughed when he tried to escape from people hugging him. They finally arrived at the locker room and Meredith immediately pulled Cristina and Izzie to the corner of the room.

"Nobody needs to know you are meeting him today. I don't want any comment or sarcastic remark, got it Cristina?" Meredith murmured

"I can't guarantee it Meredith" said Cristina

"So I can't guarantee I will invite him to sit with us"

"Shut up Cristina. Keep your big mouth shut for once. If I have to I will just push an apple down your throat" Izzie said

"Control your hormones Barbie" Cristina said

"Well I'd just want you to ensure me that you won't make any sarcastic remark. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. Anything you have to say about it, you can say to me, later"

"Okay Grey. It is not that big deal." Cristina told

"Well I warned you. If any of you say anything to him I will ensure Torres keeps you away from Cardio and you working with Mark all day" said Meredith first to Cristina and lately to Izzie

"How you will make she does it?" Cristina asked in disbelief

"Just watch me" Meredith said seeing Callie giving assignments to the 3rd year residents

"I decided to tell everybody" she said to Callie

"That is great." Callie said

"But I need a favor" Meredith said whispering on her ear what she just said to Cristina and Izzie and also saying that Alex doesn't know she is telling or better showing everyone

"So, Stevens you are with Sloan. Yang you are in the PIT with your interns and also Karev's" Callie said

"What? Why?" Cristina asked

"Well this is my assignment for the day and it is only up do you to keep it this way or not" Callie said winking to Meredith

"Grey, Karev you are both with Shawn today" she said

"So they get cardio while I get the PIT?" Cristina bitched

"I'm still looking someone to be in the clinic with the interns, do you volunteer Dr Yang?" asked Callie

"Seriously Meredith. This guy has to..." Cristina said

"Shh. Remember? No comments before it? No one needs to know" Meredith cut her off

"Whatever" said Cristina leaving the room very pissed

"You play dirt Mer. Seriously I don't want to do boobs job and get Mark's coffee"

"It is totally up to you Iz" Meredith said leaving followed by Alex

"What was that about?" he asked

"Just a warning. Well let's see what we have on your first day back" she said

Alex was confused but he really never tried to get the chicks. They just fight for the most idiot reasons and just get back to normal 2 minutes later. They make points that are impossible to understand and he really didn't care about it.

* * *

After receive the directions from Dr Shawn Meredith and Alex had to run some pre ops. Meredith would scrub in the first surgery and Alex will scrub in the one at the afternoon.

They let the blood samples in the lab and headed back to the surgical floor walking very slow

"I know… we never… really talked about it… but maybe we just… should maybe" she rambled

"About what?" he asked

"Hmm… Ahn… Us" she said

"What do you want to talk about us?" he asked with his heart racing in his chest

"I think… I mean… we are… our… status" she said rambling hardly

Alex didn't know how to handle the subject either. He has always done this in the easy way because he only had to say that there is no us. But now was different. We really wanted to be in a relationship with Meredith. It was the most intense feeling he ever had and for the first time this was what he really wanted.

He grabbed her arm carefully and headed to an on call room and locked the door behind them.

"We can't falter at SGH. There isn't enough privacy" he said

"So?" she asked

He knew it was hard for her also. She had a hard time settling down with Derek for different reasons but after what he did to her she was just insecure about anyone.

"I really like you" he said

"And I like what we have" she replied

He moved closer to her and caressed her face "I want to be with you"

"You are with me right now" she said looking deep in his eyes

"I want to be with you all the time. I want a relationship with you Meredith. I don't like to hide and to be deprived of you but I know you need time and I will give you all the time you need. I just want you to know that I'm really on this. You are what I want." He said looking in her green eyes

"I'm not ready to take big steps Alex" she said

"I know and I can wait"

"I like to be with you. We have a great time together and I want to figure it out before take next steps" she said turning her eyes aside from his

He turned her face back to his "Hey. I said you. I'm patient. I'll wait. You are worthy waiting"

"But what if I never get ready?" she said remembering that Derek used to ask her this

"Then we will be like this forever" he said "As long as I can go home and kiss you and be close to you, I'm okay."

"But… but… don't you… do you… don't you make... any plans?" she asked rambling again

"No. You are all I need. If you let me be close to you the way we did the last month, I'm still the happiest dude around"

"We live in the same house. It is like we already skipped a lot of steps" she said

"Does it bother you? Do you want me to move out?" he asked though only the thought about it hurts

"I don't know. I mean. We have a great time together" she said

"We do. I'm happy it is only you and me. We can still live together if it is okay for you. We can still live like roommates and there is no need to rush things. I can respect your space and we can make some rules if you want"

"Are we exclusive?" she asked

In Alex's heart there was no room to anyone else. There wasn't anybody he'd want to be close to, no one he'd want to kiss, any other giggle he'd want to hear

"I don't need and I don't want anyone else. I'm all yours but I'm not asking you the same." He said really wanting her to say she is exclusive as well

"So we are together" she said seeing the brightness of his eyes shines harder with her words

"I guess so" he said with a great grin in his face

"We are on an exclusive relationship" she completed

He felt butterflies and his heart raced

"We are" he said lowering his head and passionately kissing her "And this is all I need" he said and kissed her again

* * *

Meredith's surgery was only a valve replacement and it didn't take too long. She texted him and asked him to meet her in the lobby before they go to the cafeteria meet the guys

"So how was your morning?" she asked

"Busy. I ran a lot of labs to the guy that will receive the heart. I also had a meeting with the Chief and did some rounds with my interns. I told Callie I could be with them. Cristina would kill anyone" he said

Izzie, George, Lexie and Cristina were already sat when Alex and Meredith entered the cafeteria. They headed straight to the line and got their food. Meredith didn't expect to meet Lexie there but lately she and George were together all the time. She was the only intern that supported him when everyone found out he was a repeater instead of the super intern the others thought he was.

Meredith and Alex sat aside to each other and they started to talk with the other 4 doctors.

"So Meredith. Where is…?" Izzie asked really excited but Meredith cut her off

"Shh Izzie, I'm eating now. You are so anxious. You should be quieter otherwise you won't make 50 years" Meredith said smirking

They finally finished their lunch and the six of them were happily talking. Meredith was waiting the best opportunity. She didn't want to cut off and say _Alex and I are together. He is my boyfriend_

Lexie asked Alex about the days he spent alone at Meredith's house and if it still hurt.

"It was boring as hell. Except when it wasn't" he said smirking and looking to Meredith.

"Oh you saw Meredith and her mysterious guy, didn't you?" asked Izzie excited

"You won't get it from me Iz" he said laughing

"It's okay" said Meredith delicately moving her hand to Alex's hands over the table. Everybody was shocked especially Alex. He didn't expect her to do it. In fact he thought that telling their friends will be the hardest part of making their relationship public.

"You and Evil Spawn?" Cristina cried out

"Remember the PIT Cristina" said Meredith serious

"You are just teasing us Meredith. You said you would introduce us your date but you changed your mind and now you are just chickening out and using Alex" Izzie said really uncomfortable

"Are you serious Meredith?" George asked incredulous

Alex didn't pay attention to the questions their friends were doing. He was lost looking to Meredith. She was so sure about it. She smiled to him and her smile just lighted up the intire cafeteria to him. He couldn't see anything else but her smile.

"I hope you are okay with it" she said to Alex completely ignoring the questions

Alex took his hand off of her and moved his chair close to her wrapping his hand over her shoulder and whispering on her ear "Thank you". She just smiled and nodded to him before the couple looked back to the dropped jaw of their friends

"I'm late… I… I… should go… see you later guys" said Izzie standing up and leaving the table

Cristina had disbelief in her eyes. She wasn't giving it a half shot. She didn't take Alex and Meredith seriously but she knew Meredith blackmailed her and she wouldn't make any remark because she didn't want another day at PIT

"You can't be with Alex, Meredith" George said surprising Lexie

"Let it go Bambi." Cristina said showing disdain in her face "It won't be any better than was with you anyway" she said leaving

"He is Alex, Meredith, Alex!!" said George in disbelief

"He is, George and I'm with Alex, Alex!!" she said repeating the tone of his voice

"I can't believe you did it" he said leaving as well

"Ahn… Ehhh… Congratulations… I think" said Lexie half smiling and also leaving

"It wasn't that bad, was?" Meredith asked trying to learn how Alex was feeling in face of their friends' reaction

"It was the best moment of my life" he said smirking

"I guess within half hour the whole hospital will find out" she said noticing the nurses buzz some tables ahead of theirs

"I guess they will" he said smiling. He was very happy. He didn't have to hide her anymore. He didn't have to kiss her worried if anyone would see.

"I guess from now on is just you and me. At least for a while" he said

"I guess so" she said seeing Mark and Callie getting their lunch.

She waved to Callie and she talked to Sloan and both headed to their direction "Or not" Meredith said

"Well, well, well, if isn't my favorite dirty mistress and her manwhore" Sloan said smirking

"Shut up, Mark" she said smirking

"It will be nice to have some company" Alex said

Meredith looked to Callie and smiled thanking her.

"Maybe we could think about a foursome" Mark said smirking

Both Meredith and Callie smacked him while Alex just laughed and reached her hand under the table.

Meredith looked back at him and softly smiled to him interlacing her hand in his.

_

* * *

_

You and Me is a Lifehouse song.


	11. Broken

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 11**

**Broken**

* * *

Meredith and Alex was the subject of gossip in the next couple of days. Callie was basically the only one who figured out that Meredith's mysterious man was Alex. The new poll was how many days it will last. People didn't expect it to last. The infamous Evil Spawn deprived of any feelings and the dark and twisty dirty mistress wasn't exactly the couple of the century. Some people thought that Meredith would find her way back to McDreamy and now they were just sure. Derek was in Europe representing SGH in an important neurology gathering and he was supposed to get back to work on Monday and this would be the first speed bump they'll have to face. Maybe the only one

Alex didn't care. He never cared about what people thought about him. In fact he liked to be Evil Spawn, he liked people knew he was hardcore and careless. But he wasn't careless to anyone at least not towards one woman. He wanted Meredith and he wanted badly.

The day had finally arrived. He got an appointment with Dr Bailey and he would finally be released of everything else. He will be released to have sex.

Bailey examined his body and he felt no pain anymore. His images were fine and also his labs. He was fully recovered.

"Dr Karev I think everything is fine with you. You can drive and do your routine activities. I would ask you to don't take anything heavier for some weeks." Bailey said

"Thank you Dr Bailey. For the good news and for the surgery" he said

"You are welcome. Now go meet the chief of residency and get your assignment" she said

* * *

Alex left and headed to the nurse station of the 4th floor where he would find Callie.

When the doors of the elevator opened it revealed her inside

"Hey. How was it? I was going to check on you" she said

He entered and the doors closed. There was no one else in the elevator so he kissed her

"I'm fully recovered" he said

"I can see" she smirked

"You know what it means?" he asked while the elevator door opened and both stepped out

"I have no idea" she said giggling

"That the best time of your life is about to start. Be prepared Grey. You will wish time to stop" he teased

"You really think you are too good, don't you?" she asked

"I know I'm too good. And you will know also" he said

"Let's see if you are all you think you are" she said smirking

Alex met Torres and she assigned him to be in General that day. Meredith was with Sloan.

"Dr Sloan" she said

"Dr Grey. So you are my bitch today?" he asked smirking

"You know I don't do coffees." She said smirking

"You know I never asked you this"

"That's true"

"I have a skin craft this afternoon. Be prepared for at least four hours of surgery. It is an extensive burn case" he said

"Okay. Do you need to start preparing the patient to surgery?" she asked

"No we will do it later. Now I'm doing the post ops. Let's check the beauties I've created this week" he said

"You guys are cocky because you are menwhore or you are menwhore because you are this cocky?" she asked smirking

"I can't say for Karev but I'm the whole package. In fact I'm modest. I rarely talk about myself as God and I create wonder all the time"

"Seriously. I have to ask Callie if you are as good as you think you are" Meredith said

"Why ask if you can try?" he teased her

"Aren't you guys exclusive?" Meredith asked

"Are you?"

"I asked first Mark"

"I don't do this kind of conversation Meredith and Torres knows it. She can have me whenever she wants and I will have her whenever she agrees. I think is a fair deal already. So why talk about exclusivity?" he said smirking

"Well just because you aren't it doesn't mean I'm not also. I'm giving it a shot Mark. It is not only about the sex, especially when I had no sex at all" she said

"What?" he cried out

"What? Alex is injured. He was only released by Bailey today" Meredith said

"Did you guys followed literally the prescription?" he asked

"We didn't want to risk. It could extend his injury. He was shot Mark" she said in disbelief

"You are doctors. You know better. But whatever... it isn't any of my business because if it was you would already be over Derek" he said

"How do you... what do you mean… I am not… Derek isn't… why are you saying it?" she asked

"Meredith people in this hospital watched you and Derek like you were their reality soap opera. Everybody knows you still love him and he still loves you. You can give Alex a shot but the long term we all know it will be you and Derek. I know it. You know it. Alex knows it and Derek knows it."

"Don't say for me and Alex, Mark." She said angry

"What? Are you truly believing that this is gonna last?" he asked "Don't answer this one. Answer me this. You don't have any hope or wish to be back with Derek? You don't love him anymore?"

"I don't Mark. I don't know if it is gonna last. I don't know if I still have feelings for Derek. Maybe deep inside I still think we will be together someday but what I do know is that I'm with Alex now and I want it to work. We have a great time together and I don't need to be someone else. I can be the screwed and dark Meredith because he is screwed and dark Alex" she said thoughtful

"And how come someone so screwed and so dark can be there for another more screwed and darker?" he asked

"I don't know. He is proud of who I am and it is enough for me. He has feelings for me, okay?"

"So let me say this, Grey. It is all in your hands. If you really think you will be over Derek with him it is up to you. If you think he will be the one for you, it is up to you. If you think it is only about the sex, it is up to you. This relationship will turn whatever you want it to turn. Think about it" he said seriously to her

"Do you think?" she asked

"I know Grey. I know things in addition to create beauty. See? I'm modest towards all the greatness of myself" he said smirking

"Seriously Sloan, I must have lost some sense to listen to what you say" she said while when they were about to enter the first patient room

* * *

Alex was talking to someone on the phone

"So everything is confirmed?"

"Great. See you Saturday Lisa"

"Thank you, you too"

"Who is Lisa?" a voice came behind him

"None of your business, Yang" he said walking away

"It is my business if you are already cheating on Meredith because then I'll be the one punished by whiny and damaged Meredith"

"It is none of your business. You don't care about us, so if you think I'm not good for her, stay out of the way and if I remember well you are among the ones that think this is just handy sex for me and she getting over Shepherd" he said angrily

"What else could I think? I really don't know anyone more dysfunctional than the two of you" Cristina said seriously "You will just finish what Derek started because Meredith is an idiot. She gets involved easily and although I hardly believe she has any kind of feelings for you, she will be broke the same way when you screw up"

"So wait and see. I don't own you any explanation of my life."

Cristina grabbed his scrub and pulled him close to her "You break her and I break you Evil Spawn and I really mean it"

"I care about her, okay?" he said releasing himself from her

"It is not enough. You are just a mess. You just screw things Alex, this is what you do"

Alex walked away and let Cristina behind him. It didn't bother him people have no belief on him but it bothered him to know that they were just waiting him to be worse than Derek was to her. How could they think it? The guy was married and never told her, he chose his wife over her, he walked away when he was already divorced. He put his career in front of her in the race for chief. How could Alex be worse than this? All people knew about him is that he cared about no one and that he cheated on Izzie with Olivia. So what? He was a manwhore that never really wanted to be in a relationship but when he decides he wants to be people just assumed he couldn't do it and that he will just break Meredith again? It challenged him to prove everybody else wrong and he will start it on Saturday.

* * *

The night had finally come and Meredith was exhausted. She had been on surgery with Sloan for more than 6 hours. Her body ached. Thanks God Alex had waited for she and she wouldn't have to drive. He had finished 2 hours ago and he let her know he will wait for her. They came to work on his car because he told her if Bailey releases him he would drive them for one month starting tonight.

"You look like crap" Cristina told to Meredith while she was wearing her street clothes

"I'm exhausted. Thanks for changing your shift for me. There is no way I would be on call today" Meredith said

"You are losing your grip Meredith. Probably Evil Spawn is draining you" Cristina said

"We waited four weeks to finally have it. He been teasing me about the best sex I will ever have in my life but I think I will be just the worse he ever had. I'm _asexable_ tonight" Meredith said

"It will be much easier for both of us if you never have sex with him"

"What are you talking about?" Meredith asked

"If you never have sex with him you won't miss it when he screws up and I wouldn't have to listen about the hot good sex you had" Cristina said

"And why are you so sure he will?"

"Because he is Evil Spawn, Meredith and seriously, you are you. Even if he wouldn't screw because of him you will cause him to"

"So now I'm incapable to be with someone else? You like everyone else think that I'm the one who screwed up with Derek? I caused him to walk away?"

"No, I'm saying that after all the damage Derek caused you will sabotage your relationships." Cristina said

"I will?" Meredith asked with disdain

"You will and you know it. You are not capable to trust people anymore and it would be easier for me if you don't get involved so easily." Cristina said

"I don't get involved" Meredith said defensively

"What about Finn? Thatcher? Susan? Lexie? You tossed a coin over a man that gave birth to a horse with you and that showed up to bring comfort food to your mourning friend"

"So what? I have a heart Cristina. Sorry if you know everything about the heart's anatomy but don't have one" said Meredith slamming the door of her locker and stormed out the room

* * *

Alex was at Joe's waiting for her. He sat in the bar and ordered a soda. He didn't want to drink anything alcoholic because he had to drive them home and he didn't know how his reflexes were since the surgery. He was there eating some appetizers and drinking a soda when a beautiful blonde sat by his side

"This seat is taken?" she asked

"Sorta of" he simply answered

"Can I take it?" she asked

"If you want to… my girlfriend will arrive at any moment and then the seat will be taken" he said sipping his soda

"Are you sure she is coming?" the blonde asked

"Yes"

"What if she doesn't?"

"She will"

"You never know" she said sitting and moving her hand over his arm

"I said you can sit, I don't remember saying you could touch me" he said bothered

"I always liked bad boys" she said

None of them realized when Meredith entered the bar and headed to their direction. When she realized Alex talking to the blonde she just stopped a few steps behind them

"And I used to like easy chicks like you. But it was a long time ago and now whores just annoy me" he said standing up to find another place to sit. He turned away just in front of Meredith

"Meredith!" he said surprised

"Could you get your slutty ass out of my seat?" Meredith said angrily

"What's the problem bitch?" the blonde said

Meredith was about to smack the woman when Alex wrapped his arms around her "Let's go home Mer" he said "Joe, please, tick this off on my tab" Alex said pushing Meredith carefully outside the bar "It is not worthy babe"

"I should knock her down." Meredith said still angry

"Is there anything wrong? I never thought you would fight in a bar over a guy" he teased her and kissed her neck

"Maybe I just get involved by things" she said pissed

"Let me drive you home. You had a hell of day and all you need is a bath to relax" he said holding her hand and heading to SGH parking

* * *

They arrived at home and Meredith barely spoke in their way home. He knew she was angry about anything but he thought was just better to ignore it

"I'm taking a shower" she said entering the living room and tossing her purse in the couch

"Do you want me to order us some food?" he asked while she went upstairs

"Whatever" she said slamming her bedroom door

"I guess there will be no sex tonight" said Alex to himself going to the kitchen

Meredith took about 40 minutes to finally go downstairs. She smelled something very good coming from the kitchen

"Are you cooking?" she asked when she saw Alex in front of the stove

"I do" he said

"How come?" she asked much calmer than she was when they arrived home

"I had to when I was younger" he simply said

"What are you doing?" she asked

"I found some chicken in the fridge. So I fried it and did some meshed potatoes" he said

"It smells good" she said

"It tastes also" he said smirking

"Oh, let me guess, you are even better cooker than lover?" she said smirking

"No. I'm much better lover" he turned away and kissed her

"About this" she said

"We are not doing tonight. Let's have dinner and sleep. You should rest. You got a tough day" he said kissing her forehead and taking two plates for them

"Thank you" she happily said kissing him

"You don't need to say why you were so mad if you don't want to but if you want we can talk" he said while they ate

"It is nothing. It just everybody think that broken people like us can't ever be happy or normal like anyone else." She said

"Think that we can prove them wrong" he said

"Cristina told me that if you don't screw up by yourself I will make you do" Meredith said with sadness in her eyes

"She is probably right. This is what we did so far Meredith. But if I screw up, if you screw up it doesn't mean it is over. We are supposed to make mistakes and we will because seriously we both just suck on relationships but then we stand up and wait until the other screws up. Eventually we will make it and learn how to don't screw." He said

"I get involved easily" she confessed

"I hide my secret pain" he said

"I'm dark and twisty" she said

"I'm Evil Spawn, totally deprived of feelings" he said and moved his hands over hers "this last part was only until I met you"

"We are okay" she said smiling to him

"Yes we are. Now let's sleep because you need some rest and if we take too much I can change my mind about what we would do tonight" he said

She giggled "Although I want you to change your mind I don't want to give you the worst sex you ever had"

"I doubt you could ever do bad sex" he said taking their plates to the kitchen sink

_

* * *

_

Broken is a Lifehouse song


	12. Spin

**

* * *

**

Reflections of Love – Chapter 12

**Spin**

* * *

It was Friday and Alex worked in his schedule. He wasn't supposed to be on call but he changed with one of the 3rd year residents. Meredith wouldn't work on Saturday and he talked with Callie to have her off on Sunday also. Callie made up a lame excuse and told Meredith due to a change in the schedule she will have the Sunday off also and next week she will have to work the whole weekend. Meredith wasn't much pleased but Callie told her that there was nothing she could do.

"Torres just screwed my schedule" Meredith told Alex in the locker room

"You don't say me. I'll have to work today and tomorrow and my day off is now on Sunday" he said lying

"She was doing the whole chief of residency so well" said Meredith frustrated

"So I guess tonight won't be the night. Again" he said trying to show disappointment

"Seriously. One day I was tired. The other day you were in pain. Then I was on call, now you are on call. Seriously it was never so difficult to get laid." she said

"We still have Saturday night." He said kissing her

"Or we can have Friday on call room night" she said giggling

"Sorry babe, I can't. I just came to kiss you goodnight. I have to scrub in now" he said lying again

"I can wait" she said kissing his neck

"I wish you could. But it is a car accident. The driver has extensive injuries. It will take me the whole night I guess"

"You gotta be kidding me. I'm horny as hell. I need sex. I need it now"

"Sorry babe. I will make for you tomorrow. I promise" he said kissing her and leaving

She decided to go up to Joe's. The guys were probably there on a Friday night.

* * *

Izzie, Lexie and George were hanging out when Meredith joined them.

"Hey guys" she told showing no enthusiasm

"Hey Meredith" said Lexie

"Hi" was all Izzie said

Since the day she told them she and Alex were together they were acting weird. Cristina talked to her the other day and since then she just ignores it. But she was expecting this from Cristina. At least now she wasn't saying how she and Alex screw everything.

George was pissed. He said more than once how could she be with Alex. Of all people in the world he was just the worst man she could date. Meredith didn't know if he was jealous or something but he looked like an envy man.

And there was Izzie. She didn't show any disapproval or said anything harsh. She was just distant. She avoided the subject and although Meredith or Alex didn't notice she avoided them in fact.

"Well, I should be going" Izzie said some minutes after Meredith joined them

"Why, it is early" Meredith said

"I should get some sleep, this week was hard for me. See you later" she said standing up and leaving

Meredith didn't stay to much either. About 30 minutes later she left also and headed home.

* * *

She hated be alone in the house. She knew he was working and there was nothing she or he could do about it but she hated it anyway. She got some food and went upstairs to her room. She was changing her clothes when she her cell vibrated. _Dream about me. A. _She smiled and texted him back _I don't want to dream about you. Grey._

Some seconds later she got another message _Why not. Do you have anything better to dream about?_

_I said I don't want to DREAM __it doesn't mean it doesn't involve you_

_What do you want about me?_

_You. Right here in my bed with me_

_What would I find in your bed?_

_Me. wearing very small white panties_

_You know I love white lingerie_

_I wore them thinking about you_

_It is not fair_

_It isn't… now I have to play with them by myself_

_You are mean_

_Wait a minute. Why aren't you on surgery? I thought you would be the whole night_

Alex took more time to answer it. He totally forgot he told her he would be on surgery when he sent the first SMS

_The patient crashed and died_

_I'm sorry_

_Have a good night and nasty dreams about me and your white paints_

_I will_

_Miss you_

_Miss you too_

* * *

Meredith had slept very well that night although she was really horny and had hot dreams about him.

Alex was released by 7am and he headed straight to home.

He packed some clothes of both of them that were in the laundry room. He looked for her sexy lingerie but surely they weren't there. She hadn't used them for a while so they weren't washed lately.

He walked carefully to her bedroom. She looked like an angel sleeping. He wanted to join her but he needed to pack before she is awake. He slowly opened her drawer and found what he was looking for. She had some hot lingerie that he was excitedly waiting for her to wear. Literally.

He finishing packing them a couple of clothes and slowly laid by her side. She felt his presence and unconsciously cuddled on him. He softly kissed her forehead and fell asleep by her side

About 11am she woke up. He was still there, sleeping by her side with one of his arms around her waist. She liked to feel his body against her. He was strong and his muscles hard. His body was just perfect. She used to admire his abs and chest. When she felt his strong arms around her she felt no one could hurt her. She felt safe with him in a way she didn't feel to Derek since Addison showed up. Even before it, Alex was stronger than Derek, there was no comparison. Derek was taller than Alex but Alex was stronger. Her body perfectly meshed with Alex's like it never did to anyone else. They seemed to be created to fit one into the other.

Meredith didn't want to stand up. It felt safe and warm by his side. She stood there in his arms and about half hour later he woke up also. Feeling she was awake by her breath pace he moved his head slowly over hers and kissed her cheek "Morning beautiful"

"Good morning" she said turning to kiss him. He quickly rolled over her body and kissed her deeply. She moaned when she felt his cock growing against her lower folds

"Alex" she moaned while he lowered his head and kissed her neck

"I can't wait. I tried but I can't wait" he said moving his mouth to her breast

"I can't wait either" she said burying his head on her hands

"You are so hot" he said licking and kissing her breast

"You are so… huge" she said feeling his hard erection on her thigh

"Do you want it?" he asked slipping her babydoll to reach her boob

"I want. I want you Alex" she yelled

"Meredith" someone yelled downstairs opening the front door

"I can't believe it" said Meredith frustrated

"Seriously, what about the ding bell rule?" Alex said disappointed

"Meredith!" Cristina said opening going upstairs

"Here" Meredith yelled collecting herself while Alex moved back to his side of the bed

"What are you guys are still doing on bed? It is almost noon. And why are you dressed like this?" Cristina asked to Meredith entering the room

"Trying to have some sex" said Alex a bit angry

"Sorry to interrupt." Cristina said sarcastically

"Weren't you supposed to be working?" Meredith asked to Cristina and turned to Alex "Alex, you too, you told me yesterday Callie changed your shifts."

"There were some changes in the schedule I'm supposed to be there 1pm. By the way this is why I'm here. Can you lend me your locker key? I lost mine and I need scrubs and a stetho" Cristina asked

"Seriously, you just interrupted my first sex in 3 months for a key? Get it on my purse downstairs and get out of my face" Meredith said louder

"Seriously, Evil Spawn. One month and you too got nothing? This might be the only thing to really work between you guys and you rather watch movies than fuck" said Cristina leaving them "Thank you Mer, after I use it I bring it back."

"You didn't answer me. What are you doing home? Weren't you supposed to be working?" Meredith asked to Alex confused

"I made you a surprise. Get up. We are not having sex now anyway" he said standing up

"You did?" Meredith asked curious standing up

"Yeah. We are leaving. Do what you need to do to leave. I'm going take a cold shower" he said leaving the room

* * *

Less than 30 minutes later they were leaving the house on his car.

"Where are we going?" she asked

"Surprise" he said smirking

"Give me a hint" she asked

"Nop"

"Please" she said moving to kiss his neck "Please"

"It is unfair Grey" he said trying to stay focus in the highway

"So give me a hint" she said licking his earlobe

"Woodinville" he gave up

"Are we going to Woodinville?" she asked surprised

"Yeah" he said smiling to her

"I've never been there"

"You lived here and never went there?" he asked

"No. It is a couple place and I never had a boyfriend or something until Derek" she said

"I hope you like there" he said smiling to his girlfriend

"Where did this come from?" she asked curious

"I never did this either. I have no idea how it is to be in a relationship. Except when I was 5." He said

"So you had a childhood girlfriend?" she asked smirking

"Yeah, we used to hold hands and kiss each other in the cheek" he said smiling

"It is so cute. I never imagined you doing something like this. Maybe because I thought you were Evil Pawn since the cradle" she said smirking

"Seriously Grey" he said

"Why did you guys break up?" she asked laughing

"I was about 7 years old and I met another girl and I started kissing her cheek also" he confessed

Meredith burst out laughing

"What? She was cute" he said laughing

* * *

About 30 minutes later they arrived to Willows Lodge

"Alex this is beautiful!" she said amazed

"It is much more beautiful than in the pictures" he said

"So where did this come from?" she asked again

"I don't know. I spent a lot of time alone at home. So I thought that maybe we should do something. I'm awful on relationships so I googled some things" he said

"That is cute" she said kissing him "You are such a surprise Alexander Josh Karev"

"A good one? And how do you know my name?" he asked wrapping his arms on her waist

"A very good one and I spied on your files" she said kissing him again

The happy couple walked until the counter in the lobby

"May I help you" asked the woman

"Are you Lisa?" he asked

"Yes" she said smiling

"I'm Alexander Karev" he said

"Welcome Mr. Karev and Mrs. Grey if I'm not wrong" Lisa said

"Yeah, it is Mrs. Grey" said Alex with a grin in his face

"Please let Richie take your luggage and accompany you to your suite" Lisa said

"Thank you" said both Meredith and Alex

* * *

Few minutes later they were at the room Alex reserved to them. It was a beautiful room very romantically decorated.

"Did you like it?" Alex asked behind her wrapping his hands on her waist and kissing the back of her neck

"I loved it" she said turning around and kissing him

"You are beautiful" he said looking deep in her green eyes and running his fingers on her hair

Meredith got lost in his brown eyes and she traced his face contour with her index finger "You are perfect" she said

Alex carefully caught Meredith and carried her over the bed separating his lips of hers not for even one second.

He took his shirt off and laid over her. She tilted her head back offering him her neck and breast. Alex didn't ignored and kissed her neck and slipped down to her breast. He gently reached her tank and rolled it over her head. He slowly moved his tongue until one of her nipples. He sucked and kissed it softly making her moans long and loud. Kissing her soft skin, he moved to her other nipple and repeated the caress.

Although they had been a long time with without sex there was no rush. It was slow and passionate. Alex slipped over her body and reached her mouth. He caressed her hair and deepened the kiss parting her lips with his tongue. Meredith caressed his hair and moved her hand to his back. She played with her fingers in his back bringing shivers all over his body. He left her mouth and kissed her neck and earlobe licking and sucking it gently. Meredith was wet and waves of pleasure consumed her body. Alex slipped his body down and kissed her breast then her belly and stopped on her navel licking around it. Meredith groaned of pleasure and anticipation.

Alex stopped on her belly alternating kisses and soft bits. While his mouth gave her pleasure he unbuttoned her jeans. He slipped her jeans slowly kissing her thighs then her legs finishing on her feet. He stood up and took his pants off. Meredith looked to his hard and huge erection under his boxers and smiled.

"You want it?" he asked smiling back

She nodded smirking

"Ask" he said

"I want it Alex" she said

"You didn't convince me" he said bending on the bed and crawling over her

"I want Alex, I want you, I want to feel you inside of me. I want you Alex, I want you now" she whispered

His lips crashed on hers and he passionately kissed her.

Meredith slid her hand onto his boxers and got his large cock. Her touch made him shudder. Alex moved back to her belly and lowered his head biting her panties. His fingers replaced his lips and he slowly slid down her panties kissing her uncovered skin. She pushed off her paints with her feet while he took of his boxers revealing his huge cock. He got a condom in the pocket of his pants tossed in the bed and rolled over his hard shaft.

Before laying over her he bent on his knees and buried his head between her thighs. He licked her folds making Meredith groans loudly as he sucked her clit.

"I love your taste" he said crawling over her and kissing her soft skin

"I love your touch" she said looking deep in his eyes

He moved over her and slowly thrust his hard cock on her wet pussy. Meredith yelled of pleasure. He gently moved into her and closed his eyes feeling her tight folds.

"You are so tight" he said

"Oh Alex, you are great… oh God… Alex" she said feeling his slow pace

He kept the pace and lowered his head to suck her nipple. Meredith groaned and moaned continuously "Harder Alex… harder" she yelled

"Calm babe… hold it" he said moving to her other nipple

"I can't… I can't…" she groaned desperately wanting him to speed up the pace

"Yeah you can" he said sliding up his body a little bit making his shaft pushing her clit

"Ooohhh" she moaned "I can't hold Alex… I can't hold anymore"

"Give me it babe" he said raising his head from her breast over to her mouth and intensifying the pace. Meredith didn't resist and reached the orgasm crying out loud. Realizing it, Alex slowed down the pace again.

"You are hot Meredith" he said

"Alex… Alex…" was all she could say

"I want you more" he said kissing her neck

"I… I… want… you…" she said

Alex lifted up her wrist and knelt on the bed. He grabbed her legs and placed them over each of his shoulders. Holding her waist he intensified hardly the pace. Both moaned and Alex felt his shaft burning. Meredith contracted her wet pussy and both were consumed by pleasure

"Ohhh… Aahhh… Alex… oh my God… Ooohhhhh" Meredith cried out loudly before reaching the orgasm for the second time. Alex reached it just after her and collapsed his body by her side

"Oh God" Meredith said breathless

"You are amazing Meredith. You are so tight and hot" he said gasping

Meredith stretched her hand to his and caressed it with her thumb. He rolled over his side and kissed her shoulder. "I love you" he said

"Alex…" she said reluctantly

"Shh..." he said moving his thumb to her lips "I know… you don't need to say anything. I just have to say it after making love to you." replacing his thumb by his lips

"I want to" she said looking to him and caressing his hair

"What do you want?" he asked caressing her face with his thumb

"To say that I'm falling in love with you" she said smiling

"I know. I will wait for you. I told you I'm patient" he said quickly kissing her lips

"I want to say it now because _I am_ falling with you" she said emphasizing _I am_

Alex's heart raced in his chest and he moved his hand to jawbone and kissed her passionately.

_

* * *

_

Spin is a Lifehouse song


	13. Keep the Change Part I

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 13**

**Keep the Change - Part I**

* * *

Meredith and Alex had lunch and made love again before they left the room. It was a beautiful place, surrounded by mountains and the waters of Puget Sound. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. They were like other passionate couples walking around the cozy place. They were turning back to the inn when he felt his cell vibrating on his pocket.

"Why don't you go upstairs while I get us some information about dinner" he said

"Okay. I'm tired. I don't walk in a long while." She said lazily

"Take a shower, I'll join you in five minutes" he said kissing her softly

"You are spoiling me" she said

"Someone has to" he said winking

Meredith took the elevator and he checked his cell imagining what it might be. He wasn't wrong.

_Call me. It is important. We need you. M._

He dialed the numbers and the woman quickly answered

"Hey, it's me"

"How is she?"

"I can't go there now. I have a lot of things going on, I can't leave Seattle now"

"I know is hard to be a mom all on your own but is hard to be a resident also"

"I know it is all my fault, okay? I know I screwed up" he yelled really annoyed

"You don't need to say it I know this is what you think"

"No! No way. I will try to find a spot on my schedule"

"I said no! There is no way you will come to Seattle. I'll go to Iowa, ok?"

"I gotta go. I'll call when I book the tickets. Tell Sarah I love her more than anything else and that I will be there for her. Just let me figure out my schedule"

"Me too. Bye"

Alex looked very conflicted after he hung up. It destroyed him. It consumed him. All those years and he just couldn't let it go. _Just if I wasn't such a stupid kid._

Alex tried to escape from his thoughts. He took the elevator and headed to the room to join Meredith in her shower.

* * *

They went to a romantic place the spa had. The restaurant was crowded by couples and there was a love in the atmosphere.

"I'm glad Cristina showed up this morning" he said during dinner

"Really? I thought you were pissed as hell" she said surprised

"I planned to make love to you for the first time here" he confessed

"Really?" she smirked

"Yeah. I wanted it to be hard to forget" he said

"It will be impossible to forget" she said

"So I'm thankful to Cristina. I wouldn't resist you this morning if she didn't interrupt"

"Then I'm thankful to her as well" Meredith said smiling

"Are you happy?" he changed the subject

"What? Why are you asking it? Of course I'm happy Alex" she said stretching her hand over his

"Because I want to prove them wrong. We can be happy Mer, we can be like everybody else" he said

"You really changed Alex. I'd never imagined you saying and doing things like this" she said

"You don't know me Mer. Not yet but you will" he said while thoughts raced in his mind. Alex remembered about the night his life changed. He remembered they were happy and that he was a different guy. He has always been a tough guy but he was always sweet and caring about his family and friends. A lot of sucking things happened before that night but he survived to them. His father was a drunken bastard. His mother was a poor woman that suffered in the hands of her abusive husband. She loved her husband and family but Joseph really broke her. She has lost part of her mental capabilities and for many times her children had to take care of her. Anyway Alice fought hard and rebuilt her family finally letting getting rid of Joseph. Even kicking his father out of their house didn't damage him. He still had his family and they slowly stood up. But he never forgot about that night almost 9 years ago. That night defined who he is.

"Alex?" Meredith called him for the third time realizing he was far away from their dinner

"Uhh.. ohh.. Meredith, sorry. What were you saying?" he asked

"What are you thinking?" she asked shyly

"Nothing. I was thinking maybe I should check my mother and brothers in Iowa. I didn't go there since I started the internship"

"Oh" Meredith said surprisingly "You never talked about them to me" she said

"I don't like to talk about them" he said

"When are you planning to go?" she asked

"Soon" he simply said

Meredith realized he really didn't want to talk about his family and she just let it go. She wanted to enjoy until the last minute of their getaway.

* * *

The weekend quickly passed and it was time to get back. She was impressive on how he took care of everything. It truly surprised her that he asked Callie to change their schedules. Alex wasn't someone that asked favors. He was a proud man and he didn't like to own anything to anyone. The two days they spent together had been perfect and it was mind blowing when they first made love in their house. Meredith was happy and so was Alex. Their careless relationship worked fine although they really cared about each other.

They woke up late in the next morning and had to run to the hospital otherwise they will be really late. Alex loved to drive again. He stepped on gas and they arrived at SGH in record time.

They ran through the hallways and crossed the locker room door just in time.

"You better do some exercises Grey. You are on a very bad shape" Alex said gasping for breath holding the handrail

"You cheated" she said giggling and also gasping for breath

"You can't accept that I'm better" he said

"You are just cocky" she said recovering her breath

"And you just love me" he said kissing her softly

"Hey, I don't want to vomit in the morning" said Cristina from the back of the room and leaving

Meredith and Alex raised their head and saw they weren't alone.

"I'm changing on my scrubs before Callie arrives" said Meredith running over her locker "I will be done when she arrives unlike you" Meredith said

"Except that I have my keys and you don't" he smirked

"Cristina! Cristina, come back here, you didn't return my locker keys" Meredith yelled following her friend

Alex chuckled and unlocked his locker to get his scrubs

"So you are really together" a voice cracked behind him

He turned away and saw Izzie stood up with her head lowered

"Yeah. I think so" he said with a grin in his face

"I thought you loved me, Alex" the blonde said

"What is it about Iz? You dumped me. You said you preferred a corpse over me because I wasn't half man that corpse was. I was there for you when Denny died and people may not know you and O'Malley slept together and this is why he and Torres split but I do. I know you moved in with him to try to make things work but it didn't work out as good as you want when he realized he still had feelings for his ex wife. It didn't make you happy that he was getting closer to Lexie than to you. And you know why Izzie? Because you destroyed his marriage. He doesn't want to be close to the woman that destroyed his marriage but guess what, he is not man enough to admit it. So deal with it. You left me and I can be with anyone I want" Alex said finishing to change his scrubs and leaving the room letting Izzie shocked.

Meredith entered the room again holding her keys and finally getting to open her locker when Torres entered the room

"Grey. Wasn't the weekend off enough to make you be on time on Monday? People can't wait you to live. They die while you don't get dressed to work" said Callie on a bad mood

"I'm sorry, Dr Torres" said Meredith trying to change her clothes the faster she could

* * *

Torres gave the residents their assignments and Izzie and Meredith will work with Derek.

"Are you okay Iz?" Meredith asked as the two friends walked to the surgical floor where they were supposed to meet Shepherd. As there were many people awaiting the elevator they decided to go by the stairs

"I'm fine" she answered pissed off

"You don't seem fine. Talk to me, you know you can trust me" Meredith said

"Can I, Meredith? Can I really trust you?" Izzie asked

"Of course you can, you know you can. I never failed on you Iz" Meredith said not understanding why her friend was questioning it

"Oh really? So how they call sleep with your friend ex-boyfriend nowadays?" Izzie said really angry

"What? Is this about Alex?" Meredith asked shocked

"No Meredith, this is about us, you and me. I trusted you. I supported you when Derek left you to be with Addison. I supported you with your one night stands. I supported you when you wanted to knit. And what did I get back? You living with my ex-boyfriend" Izzie stormed out

"Izzie. You and Alex broke up almost one year ago. You made yourself very clear to everybody that Denny was the love of you life. You said more than once that Alex disgusted you" Meredith said also angry

"This is not about Alex and me, Meredith. I don't want him. I don't love him. But how would you feel if I start dating McDreamy? Would you enjoy being in the locker room when we enter kissing each other? Think Meredith. Think how you would feel and I will tell you how it really does." Izzie said running over the stars leaving Meredith shocked and hyperventilating

* * *

Derek realized there was something wrong with Meredith. He heard some rumors about Meredith and her mysterious man but he didn't hear anything about who he really was. He asked Izzie to pick two interns to be on surgery with them that morning and also to make them get him the labs results. He was finally alone with Meredith and broke the silence between them.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly

"I'm fine" she answered harshly

"You don't seem fine" he said

"I don't need to seem fine to be really fine" she said clearly pissed off

"You can talk to me Meredith. We are friends" he said squeezing her hand

"No Dr Shepherd. I can't talk to you. We are not friends. I'm no ones friend. I thought this was the only thing I could do but I can't. I can't even be friends with anyone." She said leaving letting Derek very confused

* * *

"Hey" Alex said kissing her cheek

"I don't like public Alex. I told I'm not like this." She said pissed

"Are you okay?" he asked surprised

"I'm fine" she said angrily

"Are you sure?" he asked

"I'm but if you stay around this might change quickly" she said writing down on her chart

"Sorry" he said lost and confused

"Meet to lunch at 1?" he asked

"I don't want to have lunch with you Alex. In fact I don't want to meet you ever again" she said leaving

Alex could see the anger on her eyes. What would have he done? Why she was so anger on him? What exactly she meant? Was she serious? Was she breaking up with him?

Alex kicked the bin close to him and left the nurse station causing everyone around to look at him

* * *

"So you were definitely the first and last speed bump. What did you do?" Mark asked sitting to have lunch

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked with a confusing face

"Grey and Karev. The bets were they wouldn't last one week and that you would be their first and last speed bump because she wouldn't resist to you. I just imagine what you have done to make up her mind so fast" Mark said smirking

"What the hell are you talking about Mark? And what does Meredith have with Karev?" Derek asked

"See? You were so quick and precise that you didn't even know they were together" Mark smirked "People have to understand that we are surgeons and this is how we do. We are hardcore"

"Meredith and Karev together? You must be nuts or the last woman that seduced you put something very strong on your drink as if it was needed in the first place" Derek said serious

"I'm saying you. He asked help to Torres to have both released this weekend. It seems like he drove them to Woodinville and they had a very romantic getaway." Mark said

"I can't believe you" Derek said pissed off

"So ask her. She will let you know the nasty details and then you share with me" said Mark smirking

* * *

Derek's blood boiled. He couldn't believe she moved on. He couldn't believe she moved on with Alex. Alex for God' sake. There would exist only two people worst than him and those were without a doubt Alex and Mark. At least it wasn't Mark. He wouldn't handle another betrayal from his best friend. But Alex? He was even worst than Mark. Mark was just a manwhore but Alex was a manwhore and Evil Spawn. He had to talk to Meredith. It couldn't be true.

"Meredith" Derek called her

"Dr Shepherd" Meredith answered without move her eyes from her chart

"I need to talk to you" he said trying to keep his voice calm

"Go ahead" she sad still looking the chart

"Can we go to my office please?" he asked

"Sure" she said

They walked until his office and he closed the door carefully behind them

"So, what is the problem Dr Shepherd" Meredith said calmly

"Is it true that you and Dr Karev are together" Derek asked straightly

"I can't believe you called me to talk about this. I thought we had an agreement. We were only coworkers. I'm not talking about my private life with you anymore Dr Shepherd" said Meredith moving to the leave the room

"Meredith. I need to know. Is that true?" he asked once more

"Let me leave please" she asked really tense

"Meredith" he said touching her face

"I'm not supposed to be happy Derek. Not with anyone. I only break people and people break me. I'm tired. I'm tired of getting the pieces together. I'm tired of the pain. I'm so tired. It hurts and I'm tired." she said sobbing in his arms

"Hey. I'm here for you" he said caressing her hair "What did he do to you?" he asked

Meredith couldn't utter one word and while Derek tried to calm her down only one thought crossed his mind. Karev will pay for whatever he did to her

_

* * *

_

To be continued


	14. Keep the Change Part II

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 1****4**

**Keep the Change - Part II**

* * *

Meredith finally calmed down and Derek released her to go. She didn't say anything different while he calmed her in his arms. Only about how disgraceful her life had been and how it was destined to always be. She didn't confirm she and Alex were together but he didn't need her to. He knew she was broken again and all this conversation about her incapability to be friends with anyone has to be related to the evil man. Derek wouldn't let someone hurt her anymore. He already did it and she couldn't be hurt anymore. He had surgery with Dr Stevens and he couldn't talk to Dr Karev prior to it. But Alex wouldn't escape him. He would talk to him and kick his ass.

* * *

Alex was behind a bookshelf when two nurses came along and started to get some books from the other shelf not realizing the doctor's presence

"So I told you. McDreamy took only half day to get her back" one nurse told to the other

"Seriously? I bet it would take one week" the other nurse said frustrated

"Mary saw when he entered in his office with her. She was crying on his arms saying she loves him and begging for him to forgive her. She just left his office"

"Sandra saw when Meredith yelled on Evil Spawn. She told him she doesn't want to ever meet him again. She must be really regretted"

"Of course she is. No one gives up on McDreamy especially to be with Evil Spawn. I mean the man is not worthy by himself"

"I think she and McDreamy will get marry before she finishes her second year. The way Mary told he caressed her hair and the rage on his eyes. Dr Karev better remember his wresting classes. He will need it" said the nurse and both women left

_It can't be true. She wouldn't change her mind.__ How could she? She told me she was falling for me. She couldn't be around him for 6 hours? It can't be._

Alex's heart was broken. Shattered. Burning tears dropped on his face. _How can I be so stupid? How could I believe she would give up on him and be with me?_

He couldn't handle it anymore. He knew Sarah needed him and he couldn't be around Meredith anymore. He had to run, he had to run from his life. He was destined to be screwed. Cristina was right and there was nothing else he could do about it. He wiped his tears and headed straight to Richard's office.

He talked to the old surgeon for some minutes and he was finally released. Richard didn't agree at first but he could see in his eyes that the man in front of him was broken. Richard said he had a lot to make up for the three weeks he was injured but he would release him to go and try his best to settle his year. Alex ensured that as soon as he knew if he was permanently needed on Iowa or not he will let Richard knows if he could start his transfer process or not. In fact Alex had no intention to go back to Iowa. He only needed some time to breathe. He didn't know if it was bearable to stay to close to Meredith. He had decided about it though they couldn't live in the same house anymore. In the case he stays at Seattle he had to move from her house and he had to do it immediately.

Richard asked him to scrub in the surgery he had scheduled in the afternoon and after this he was released to go.

* * *

Alex headed to the locker room. He didn't want to talk or see anybody. He should pack the things of his locker and leave SGH forever. He got a box in one of the supply closets and started packing his stuff.

Cristina entered the room and noticed the work of his hands. He moved slowly as if he was in slow motion. She was looking for Meredith to confirm if the rumor was true. If she was back with McDreamy after 6 hours but by Alex face and moves she didn't have to ask. She quietly left the room and headed to the cafeteria.

Meredith checked some patients after leaving Derek's office. She didn't have lunch and she didn't want to eat but her stomach was embarrassing her in front of her patients. She went downstairs until the cafeteria and got a salad and a soda. Minutes later Cristina arrived and joined her friend.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Cristina asked placing her trail over the table

Meredith didn't say a word. She silently and slowly ate her salad lost in her mind

"I told you it would never work. He is Evil Spawn, he is deprived of feelings, he is jerk and an idiot but you played even worse than he does" Cristina said

"Exactly, I am not worthy. No one should get any closer to me because I just break people. Just like you told. It is not their fault. I make them break me and I broke them" Meredith said distant "So you should just back off while you are still untouched"

"Seriously. Did a comet passed here this morning and I wasn't infected by whatever you guys were?" Cristina said trying to lighten the atmosphere around her friend

"This virus you are saying it is me. I break people. No one can trust me or be close to me. I cheated on Izzie, I broke Derek, I pushed away my father and my sister." Meredith said "So back off Cristina"

"Did he do it you? Did I lose something? And what the hell has Izzie to do with it?"

"I betrayed Izzie. I should never be with Alex after what they had. She is right. I'm no ones friend" Meredith said while a teardrop fell over her face

"Is it because of Barbie? Are you like a zombie because of Barbie? Seriously, Meredith. She is the most selfish person I know. She is just mad because she destroyed George's marriage over nothing. He misses Callie and he doesn't want to be with her. This has nothing to do with you and Evil Spawn." Cristina said trying to defend Meredith to herself

"It doesn't matter. I shouldn't. What if I dated Burke after he left you? What if Izzie dated Derek?" Meredith asked "I thought I could at least be a friend but I clearly can't. How fool I am. I thought I could actually be happy with him. I thought he was like me and we would just be okay with each other darkness. But he is a better person than I am, he deserves better. He deserves someone like Izzie" Meredith said letting more tears fall

"I can't believe you fell for him" said Cristina shocked

For the first time since they started talking Meredith was there. She looked to Cristina and blinked hard trying to avoid more tears to fall but she couldn't

"Meredith, this is completely different. We all know Izzie loves and disloves people according to her horoscope. First was that Jake, Josh, whatever his name was. Then Alex, then Denny, then George. At least two were the love of her life and we talking about twelve freaking months. She is a mess. What kind of person meets four soul mates within one year? She is Barbie, Meredith! Her world is pink and the enchanted prince will rescue her with a kiss at any moment. You aren't the witch on her story. Nobody is. No even she. She is just a mess. We are all mess. I mean, I'm not a mess, but you, her, Alex, George, Callie, Derek, you are all a mess. So you better move your ass out of this chair and go talk to Evil Spawn, unless you are really back with McDreammy" Cristina said trying to give Meredith some perspective

"What? No I'm not back to Derek" Meredith said rejecting immediately her friend's comment

"So you better reach Alex. The most updated rumor says you were kissing McDreamy and making love promises at his office this morning and by the way Alex was emptying his locker he was probably informed by the nurses" Cristina said

"No Cristina. I'm not going anywhere. Doesn't matter the mess Izzie is. It is not right." Said Meredith trying to convince herself

"But you should at least talk to him. Let him now you are breaking up with him because of Izzie instead of McDreamy" Cristina pondered

"It is better this way. He wouldn't give up if he knows it is about Izzie" Meredith said sadly

"Okay. If you want to do this, go ahead. Just make sure you will whine to Izzie and not to me" said Cristina leaving

"Fine" said Meredith standing up and leaving in the opposite direction

* * *

Alex took his things to his car and came back to the hospital. He still had to wait for two hours until he had to scrub in. He walked silently to very old guy room and sat at the chair close to the window. He stared to the rain pouring and tried to keep his thoughts out of Meredith but he couldn't. He couldn't forget the perfect weekend they had. He couldn't forget the softness of her skin, the smell of her hair or the taste of her kiss. He couldn't forget how complete he felt making love to her. Her giggles were still on his head and it didn't let go.

Izzie was also devastated. George said her that he couldn't live with her anymore and he will look somewhere to live. She has lost her best friend and she was still in love with him. She slowly moved to the same place Alex was and carefully she opened the door. Her eyes quickly meet his frame against the light coming from outside.

"Sorry, I didn't know there was someone…" she excused

Alex barely reacted looking to Izzie and turning back to the horizon. Izzie recognized his gaze and slowly walked towards her friend realizing they were just the same that afternoon.

"Hey" she softly said but he didn't move

She could see the tears falling from his eyes. He didn't wipe them or tried to hide. He just let them fall breaking Izzie's heart

"What's going Alex? What happened?" asked Izzie filled of concern

No answer came and the tears didn't stop falling. She softly moved her thumb to his face and wiped his tears

Alex looked to the eyes of his friend and felt the affection for him in that moment. Not resisting holding on his emotions anymore, Alex cracked. He cried out loud and sobbed hard.

Izzie was desperate and tried to understand what happened to the broken surgeon on her arms.

"I… I… loo-loove her" he sobbed "She… she left… left me Iz"

"Meredith?" asked Izzie shocked by his feelings

"Every… thing… was fine… until this… morning… until… she…" Alex said sobbing harder "I love her Iz. I love her" he completed totally breaking

"I am sorry Alex. I didn't know you guys were... I didn't know you love her. I never imagined. I thought you were just spending time together. I am so sorry Alex" Izzie said full of guilt. She never imagined her friends were so connected. She couldn't wonder they meant so much to each other. She was feeling bad about George and surely Alex and Meredith relationship wasn't the most comfortable situation for her but she thought they were just having fun while her world was falling apart.

"I am so sorry" she repeated over and over again caressing his head and trying to calm him down

About thirty minutes later she was paged. It was her patient with Derek and Meredith and she had to go. It broke her heart to let Alex but she couldn't do anything else. She carefully moved his head from her chest. He was still crying and sobbing.

"I will fix it for you, I promise" she murmured to him and left

* * *

Meredith and Izzie reached the patient room at the same time but it was too late. The patient crashed and didn't make it. Derek arrived after few moments and disappointed left the room to talk to the family.

Meredith slowly left the room when Izzie grabbed her arm

"Meredith" the blonde murmured

Meredith didn't say a word, just turned away and looked to her friend

"I am sorry. I'm going through a lot. My world is falling apart and I don't recognize me anymore. He loves you Meredith. He loves you like he never loved me and probably like he never loved anyone before. It is a bit awkward but we didn't work out. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't his fault, it wasn't my fault. It just didn't. I'm sorry for the things I said you today. That isn't you. That was me. I turned into this home wreaker monster and I don't know how I reached here. I am sorry. I know you don't need it and I'm in no position to give it but I'm giving you my blessing. Just rescue him, Meredith. I can't be responsible to destroy anyone else." Izzie said with a deep sadness in her eyes but Meredith didn't say a word

"He needs you Meredith. He is drowning. I just left him in the very old guy room. Please Meredith, do it for me." Izzie begged

Meredith finally gave up. She could see her friend was telling the truth and let Alex believes she was with Derek was just mean. Being away from him broke her heart more than anything else. She nodded to her friend and quickly walked to the patient room.

* * *

When Meredith opened the door her eyes didn't see what she expected. He was there still sobbing and crying. Her heart stopped for awhile. He was a shadow of a man. His eyes were red as if he was crying blood and the sadness coming from them could kill someone.

"Alex" her voice cracked

The rage grew in his eyes and Meredith felt it in her heart. She knew what he was thinking. She knew he thought she left him to be with Derek. She walked slowly in his direction and the moment she was about to touch him he quickly stood up to leave avoiding her touch

"Alex, please" she said crying.

Her voice was just like Sarah's, like his baby's. Alex looked back to Meredith and in one move she wrapped her arms around his body. Her touch immediately softened his expression.

"It is not true. I don't know what you heard about Derek and me but it is not true" she said sobbing in his chest

Suddenly his heart stopped and immediately raced. Her tears soaked wet his scrub and melted his heart. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as tighter as he could.

"I'll keep the change" she sobbed "I don't want… to go back. I don't want… anything different. I like how… it is now." she completed

"I want you" she finally said looking over to his face "I want only you".

Alex looked into her greyish green eyes drowned in the red ocean of her sadness and kissed her deeply and passionately

"I want you. I need you. I love you." he said desperately while his lips hungrily brushed hers

"I love you too, Alex"

_

* * *

_

Keep the Change is a Lifehouse song


	15. Storm

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 15**

**Storm**

* * *

Derek didn't get a chance to meet Alex that afternoon. Alex went on surgery and lately Derek had a 911 and when he was done Alex wasn't in the hospital anymore. It didn't matter to Derek he will meet Alex on Tuesday.

Meredith waited for Alex and before they leave he said her he needed to talk to the Chief. Meredith said she would wait for him outside but he told her there was no confidential information and she could stay if she wants.

"Chief" Alex greeted

"Dr Karev, I thought you wouldn't be in the hospital by now" said Richard causing Meredith to be surprised

"I'm not needed in Iowa anymore so I'd like to let you know that I'm staying at SGH" he said

"What about the transfer?" Richard asked

Alex didn't expect Richard to talk about the transfer in front of Meredith because this was confidential information

"It is not needed anymore either, Chief" Alex said

"So you don't need the days you requested to attend to you family?"

"I might use a couple of days off but I can work this out with Dr Torres" Alex

"I'm happy you are staying with us Dr Karev. You are very talented"

"I appreciate Dr Webber" said Alex standing up and shaking Chief's hand

* * *

Meredith and Alex left Richard's office and she really wanted to know what that conversation was about. What was going on with his family? He told her he might visit them soon but he didn't mention to transfer his internship to Iowa because of them. Meredith was shocked and willing to know what happened to his family but she was also hurt. Would he consider moving out without say it to her first? He said he loves her but his words don't match with his actions. She knew this movie. She knew what empty love speeches are. She knew what it was like to hear the most beautiful promises of love and in the next day hear about highlights related to other women and breath issues. It immediately remembered her about Derek and it wasn't any good.

Alex realized she was different since the meeting with Chief. She didn't say a word until the car and neither during their way home. Alex really didn't know relationships very well. It didn't cross his mind not for one second that she was hurt because he was planning on leaving Seattle without let her know first. He wondered it was a good thing that he wasn't leaving and that she should be happy that he was staying for her. In fact she was the only reason he was leaving in the first place so it was probably because of anything else.

"Are you okay?" he asked as they entered the house

"I'm fine" she said simply

"I've heard this earlier and the next thing you said was you never wanted to see me again" he said

"I'm sorry about earlier" she said very low

"We already talked about earlier. We are okay about earlier I want to know what it is bothering you now." he said concerned

"Nothing" she said trying to avoid that conversation

"Meredith, we just had a hell day because of a misunderstanding and I don't want to pass through that again"

"And what do you want me to do?" she asked defensively

"I want you to trust me. To talk wide open about how you feel. I know it is hard to you just as it is to me but we have to try at least"

"I'm fine I don't know why you can't believe"

"Because I know you. Damn, Meredith!" he said frustrated

"I'm starving. What we will eat tonight?" she asked changing the subject of the conversation

"I'm not hungry" he said walking away angrily

"Fine" she said pissed

* * *

Alex headed to his bedroom and stayed there for a couple of hours. Meredith stayed downstairs watching TV and eating the pizza she ordered. Both were too stubborn to make the first move. One day they had the perfect careless relationship, in the other they were breaking up and fighting over the silliest things.

There wasn't anything interesting on TV and Meredith decided to go upstairs. She passed by his bedroom. The door was closed but she could listen to the loud music he was listening. She knew that when he listens to his rock albums so loud it is because he is very angry and doesn't want to be disturbed. She also knew she had to change. It wasn't something that she could avoid. If she wants to be in a relationship she will have to let people in. She will have to speak about her feelings, about things that bother her. It really hurt her that he considered transferring his residency and never told her about it. He would simply walk away from her just like all people in her life did. She was hurt because as Cristina said she gets involved so fast. She fell for Alex. When they first made love she knew she was falling for him. In that morning she realized she loved him. It was really painful to be apart of him. She didn't know how it happened especially because she was so in love with Derek some weeks ago and now she was in love with Alex. Meredith struggled in front of his door. She wanted to enter and do things in other way and be a different person. She remembered when she confessed her love to Derek. For the first time in her life she told someone _'I love you'_ and things didn't come out as she expected. She had said the same to Alex that afternoon and now she was afraid. He didn't walk away but he would have just like Derek did after she said these three words to him.

Lost in her thoughts she didn't realize that the music was turned off. Alex opened the door making Meredith winces.

"Hey" he said with a sad expression

"Hi" she shyly answered

"Was coming in?"

"I was thinking if I should"

"Made up your mind?"

"Not yet"

"Maybe you should"

"Maybe"

"I want you to. Does it help?" he said half smiling to her

"Maybe it does" she said with a shy grin

"Would this help more?" he asked wrapping his arm around her, softly kissing her and caressing her hair "Want to come in?" he asked looking her in the eye

"Yeah…" she said stretching her hand to him

He held her hand and both entered his room. They sat at his bed and kissed passionately. Things were heating up when he slowed the pace and slowly pushed himself away from her

"What?" she murmured in his ear and kissed it

"I need you" he said with his eyes filled of tears "Maybe you don't know how much but I'm saying you. I never said this to anyone. I don't do this talking Meredith, I really don't but I need to do it now because I can't lose you. It hurt me to the bones earlier. I couldn't breathe. It wasn't bearable." he said with pain in his eyes

"But you were leaving me" she said also with tears in her eyes

"What? You broke up with me. I wasn't leaving you. You left me" he said louder

"I should leave before you like all people in my life leave me" she thought aloud

"What the hell are you talking about Meredith?" he asked desperately

"You… told Chief… you don't want… to be transferred… anymore…" she rambled

"And I don't" he said

"But you wanted. You were leaving me. You were walking away without say me a word" she said as a tear fell down her face

Alex finally realized what happened.

"Babe" he said wiping her tear and pushing over her chin to make her look at him "I would never ever leave you. I love you Meredith." He said stroking her hair back around her ear

"But you were leaving" she said trying to free herself

"The moment you told you didn't want to ever see me again my world fell. I couldn't see you and do not touch you. I couldn't listen to you giggling and do not want to kiss you. I couldn't look in your eyes and do not feel this love consuming me. I couldn't smell you and do not make love to you. I couldn't stand to be at Seattle if I wasn't with you" he said letting his tears fall as the memory of his pain took his body again.

"W-Wh-att?" her voice cracked

"I told the Chief I had to visit my family because my family really needs me and that I would probably need to be transferred. I was running away, Meredith. Not from you, but from my pain for being apart of you." He said holding tight one of her hand with both of his hands

"But you told me you need to visit your mother" she said

"I need to go to Iowa, but only for a couple of days. Meredith, you are everything I have. You are the only good thing that ever happened to me. I never felt like this before." He said "You… you…. remember me about my sister… she was... she giggled... " He rambled and let the tears fall "I had her until I hadn't. My life has always been a hell since then but when I fell for you I had someone again." he said finally cracking

"I am sorry Alex" Meredith told and immediately jumped of his hands and left his bedroom letting him sobbing laid in his bed.

Alex wasn't crying about Meredith anymore. He was crying about his sister. It had been a long time since he cried about her. He tried so hard to forget what happened but he can't. Those memories haunted him every night. He could hear her crying. He could hear the killing silence in their house after that night. He remembered her lifeless body laid in the backyard of his friend house. He remembered how she looked for him for help and how he wasn't there for her. He remembered the smile he never saw again. It had been his fault and no matter what he does he won't ever be forgiven. She needed him and he had to be there for her.

Meredith ran to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She had broken him also. He was one more person she had broken. Once more Cristina was right. Meredith broke people or caused them to break her. _Alex had lost his sister_ she thought. She could listen to his sobs and each murmur was a knife over her chest. Each tear was an anvil falling on her head. How could see constantly do this to people? It has been a little more than one month and she already caused him all this pain. _This is why they keep leaving me. Because I cause them unbearable pain. _She blamed herself for his pain clueless that it wasn't about her anymore. Unaware it was about something much bigger.

She didn't deserve to live. She shouldn't come back. She came back from death for Derek but she not only broke him and left him but also broke Alex. She desired she had never come back. She desired she had died at Elliot Bay. She remembered about her mother blood at the kitchen's floor. She remembered about how miserable Ellis had always been in her life. She didn't let her mother die as Ellis wanted. She made her mother had that miserable life and die with a horrible disease. She let Susan die on her watch and she denied to Lexie the family she was desperately looking for after her mother's death.

Both souls were lost in their angst and guilt. Both hearts couldn't stand the pain anymore.

The storm poured outside. Thunders roared and lightnings flashed the house. Outside the sky seemed to fall. Inside it seemed to fall over their heads. Meredith didn't use to be afraid of storms but she was so vulnerable that night. She was scared. She sat on her bed wrapping her knees and pulling them against her chest. Alex also knew she never showed any fear of storms but he wanted to hold her in his arms. He wanted to protect her like he should have protected his sister. He didn't want to leave her alone. He didn't want to ignore her. He didn't want to make the same mistake again.

He wiped his own tears and walked to her bedroom. He carefully opened the door and saw her petite frame so fragile in the bed. He softly embraced her and she released her knees allowing him to hold her tight.

"Shhh. It is okay babe. I'm here and I'm not leaving. Never. You can count on this. I will never leave you. And if you still love me I will go until the end of the world to have you back" he whispered on her ears.

"I love you" she babbled

"I love you too" he said reassuring her

Hiding their own secret pain and guilt they shared their hearts. He loved her. She loved him. They wanted to have hope. They wanted to have faith. They already had the most important. They already had love.

_

* * *

_

Storm is a Lifehouse song

_A/N: I hope you can stick for awhile because this will be a hard time for Meredith and Alex. Anyway the adversity is what makes people and relationships stronger. The next chapters will have a lot of angst and pain but I can't avoid drama... For those curious about who is Sarah and M. This is all related. But I can say you Alex has no daughter and that Sarah is the most important person in his life._


	16. Am I Ever Gonna Find Out

* * *

**Reflection of Love – Chapter 16**

**Am I Ever Gonna Find Out**

* * *

Meredith and Alex slept spooned. She didn't want to let him go. He didn't want to leave her alone. The storm was gone and it was a rare sunny morning at Seattle and somehow it gave them hope that today would be a better day.

They only exchanged affection gazes and few love words. Both had so much pain and guilt in their hearts in that moment and only love would help to trade waters.

Alex drove them to SGH silently. Holding his hand at each chance she had they didn't need words. Nodding and caressing each other was all they did until there.

Meredith never liked public affection. She has been low profile about her relationship with Derek and also was with Alex. Although the on call rooms and elevators had been overused she didn't hold hands, caress each other or share kisses in front of the whole hospital. She had let it clear to Alex and he agreed upset. Anyway that morning it was different. He parked his car and opened his door to step out. Meredith grabbed his arm and kissed him softly. Alex smiled on her lips and responded the kiss. After a few moments in the car and few words said they finally headed to the hospital. In their way Meredith stretched her hand slightly and laced his hand on hers. He looked to her and nodded with a shy grin in his face.

Confidently they entered the sliding doors and headed to the elevator. Waiting for the elevator he took the initiative to kiss her forehead and wrap his hands around her shoulder. She accepted his caress and supported it by bending her head slightly over his chest.

In the locker room they were still silent. A few words were said to their peers and trusting looks exchange between them. Callie finally arrived and assigned Meredith to Mark and Alex to Derek. Callie thought it wasn't a good thing Derek asked to have Alex on his services just after he found out about Alex and Meredith so she also assigned Cristina to Derek.

Both residents headed to 4th floor and were waiting for Derek at the nurse station. That morning Cristina didn't bug him. She knew he and Meredith had worked out because she was on call the night before and she saw him unpacking his stuff back to his locker. She arrived late that morning and she didn't have time to talk to Meredith. They seemed to have worked out in their issues but anyway they didn't look fine. They looked like crap.

"Dr Yang?!" Derek asked surprised behind the residents

"Dr Shepherd" she answered

"Are you with me today?" he asked

"Yes, sir"

Derek shook his head. Torres got him. She was right afterwards because he wasn't supposed to request a resident on his service to kick his ass for personal issues.

"Dr Karev" he said not looking to Alex

"Dr Shepherd" Alex answered not looking at his boss either

"I have a craniotomy this morning and an aneurism in the afternoon, I'd like both of you to scrub in the two surgeries. Let's go check the patients and do the pre-ops." Derek said

* * *

They made the rounds and there wasn't a moment Derek was alone with Alex. Few words were exchanged between the three doctors. They presented the cases and talked to the patients and their families and everything was kept on a very professional environment.

"Is Dr Grey feeling any better, Dr Yang?" Derek finally asked after they finished the rounds

"I didn't talk to her" Cristina said

"You live with her Dr Karev, is she better?" Derek asked avoiding eye contact

Alex didn't answer. He didn't ignore Derek in fact he didn't listen to what the attending asked because he was distracted by this thoughts.

"Alex?" Cristina asked louder

"What?" he simply said

"Meredith. Is she feeling better?" Derek asked

"I don't know" Alex said

"How you don't know. Don't you live with her?" Derek asked a bit angry

"Yes"

"Supposedly you are together, how can't you know if she is better?" Derek asked

"Did you know? When you two were together, did you really know when she was better?" said Alex harshly "Excuse me, I'm going to check the labs of Mrs. Lancaster"

Derek just nodded and Alex left.

"Is she… do you know… is Meredith really in this?" Derek asked to Cristina

"I don't think this is appropriate Dr Shepherd" Cristina said

"She can't be" he said more to himself than to the doctor

"With all respect Dr Shepherd if she is really in this it is because you weren't there for her. If she is really in this is because Alex may be Evil Spawn but he is not a douchie bag" Cristina finally said

"Excuse me Dr Yang?" he asked

"I know you are my boss and I shouldn't talk to you like this. But this conversation isn't professional so just right now you are not my superior. She came back from death for you. And what did you do about it? You blamed her and met girls in the bar. So you don't get to know if she is really in this because when she was really in this with you, you weren't there. Excuse me Dr Shepherd" Cristina said and left

Derek stood there thinking about what Cristina told him. She was right. He had his chance and let it go. He lost the love of his life and maybe for good.

* * *

The morning passed slowly to Meredith and Alex. Sloan didn't have any interesting surgery that morning. Meredith has always thought plastics were boring but some days it was just worse. How could a surgeon be excited to do a boob job or a liposuction?

Alex scrubbed out his craniotomy and texted her asking about lunch. Meredith agreed and they met some minutes later in the cafeteria.

"Hey" she said

"Hi Beautiful" he answered half smiling and kissing her forehead

"You know this is so corny, don't you?" asked Cristina also sitting in the table with them

"Shut up, Yang" Alex said

"So guys, are you okay? You seem to be in mourning" Cristina said

"We are fine" both answered together

"Seriously, you were funnier when you were just Evil Spawn and dark and twisty Meredith instead of the couple against all odds" Cristina said bored

Meredith and Alex didn't say anything and ate their lunch. They were still swamped in their pain and regret. It was hard for them but at least they had each other. Meredith was thinking how she always screwed everybody around her and how things couldn't ever be simple. Alex was thinking about his family and especially about Sarah. She needed him. He needed to go to Iowa but at the same time things were just complicated at Seattle. He had to travel soon. He couldn't fail to Sarah. He couldn't fail to her of all people but what he would say to Meredith? He wasn't prepared to talk about Sarah to her. He didn't want to lie to her either. He had to find a way to travel to Iowa; do not say the reason to Meredith and neither lie to her.

* * *

After lunch each went their different ways. Meredith was doing some paperwork when Derek approached.

"Hey" he said

"Hi" she answered

"How are you feeling?" he asked with his McDreamy look

"I'm fine" she said

"Meredith's fine?" he asked smirking

She smirked back "Yes"

"We could really be friends. You are such a great friend. I'm sure all your friends share the same opinion. Some of them even fell for you" he said smiling leading her to giggle for the first time that day

"You can talk to me. I know I wasn't a good boyfriend but I can make a much better friend" he said with sadness in his smile

"We tried once and it didn't work"

"I didn't have the right to judge you. I already apologized thousand times, Meredith. I was wrong. I've made all kind of mistakes to you let me fix at least the ones I still can."

"No one can help me Derek"

"You will never know if you don't try"

"It is just… I wish I didn't screw every time with everybody. I wish I was a different person. I'm such a disappointment" she rambled and cracked

"You are not. You are anything but a disappointment. Why do you think George and Alex fell for you? Why do you think I regret everyday what I did to you? Why do you think a person like Cristina loves you the way she does?" He sighed

"I shouldn't have this conversation with you. It will be mean. Thank you, Derek. I am sorry we didn't work out. I'm so sorry I put you in such misery." She said with tears in her eyes and left

* * *

She ran into an on call room and locked the door behind her. Alex saw it and followed her.

"Meredith" he said knocking the door "It is me"

She didn't answer or did any move towards the locked door

"Please, Meredith, let me come in." he said

She struggled but the concern on his voice was heartbreaking and she finally opened the door

"Are you okay, babe?" he said embracing her

"I'm fine"

"You are not fine. You are crying locked inside an on call room"

"I am fine. It is just this damn PMS" she said wiping her tears

"You are not close to your period. I live with you. I buy your tampons." He said kissing her forehead

"I'm just stressed"

"You know I am here for you, don't you?" he asked caressing her hair

"Yes"

"You know there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, right?" he asked

"Yes"

"So let me help. You are not alone anymore. You and me were always on our own but now we aren't anymore. We have each other. Let me help you" he said

"Okay" she said

"Okay" he said holding her tighter

"I will try"

"Thank you, babe" he said releasing her from his embrace and moving his hands to the cheeks "You are amazing" he said and softly brushed her lips

"What if I can't?" Meredith asked honestly

"Then I will keep trying" he reassured her

"Do you think we will make it?" she asked

"I would die trying if I need to"

"You would?"

"I would because you are worthy waiting for" he said

"We are just screwed, Alex" she said sitting down in the bed

"Maybe our lucky is about to change"

"Do you think?"

"I'm sure. I knew it the day I first kissed you" he said looking her in the eye

"How can you be so sure?" she asked

"Because I never felt something this hard. I never put all my efforts on something like I'm doing for us. I also have my fights, Meredith. It isn't any easy to me."

"But you seem to have found the way while I'm lost and afraid" she said

"I didn't. Sometimes it is just too hard to change old habits but I have to stand up for you"

"I don't want to be dark and twisty Meredith. I don't want us to be the couple against all odds I want us to be just a couple. I want to believe we can make it. I need to believe I can make it"

"I believe you can" he said caressing her hair

"How can you be so good to me?" she asked with tears in her eyes

"I heard once that is better be two than one because if one falls the other helps him to stand up. Since I met you your hand was there for me. When you found out I failed my boards. When Izzie and I broke up. When I needed a place to live. This is what you did to me and to everyone around you. Your hand is always stretched and now it is my turn to stretch you mine." he said

"Thank you, Alex. I hope you will let me help you also. About your family, about your sister"

Alex didn't know what to say next. He was asking her to let him help her out but he wasn't ready to let her know about his own issues

"In time we will make it, step by step." He said kissing her cheek

They stayed in the on call room for some moments and left for prepare their patients to surgery.

* * *

After work he drove them back to home and both felt much better. Alex was finally able to give some self confidence to Meredith and he had decided how to tell her about Sarah. He talked to Dr Torres and he will travel to Iowa within 12 days. He only had to let Sarah and Meredith know about it.

They arrived and he ordered them a pizza. They ate pizza almost everyday but it was his favorite food and Meredith didn't mind to eat it everyday.

Sat on the couch watching any movie he finally started the tick subject.

"I'm going to Iowa on 26th" he said

"Oh… are you going to visit your family?" she asked surprised

"Yes. They need me. I already talked to Torres"

"Okay" she said defensively

"This is very hard to me, Meredith." He said burying his head on his hands

"It is okay, Alex" she said rubbing the back of his head

"I promise I will tell you. It is just I never told it to anybody. It has been 9 years and I was never able to talk about it." He said letting some tears fall

"It is really okay. Not Meredith's okay, okay-okay" Meredith said kissing his cheek

"I know I told you could make things work together but I really can't talk about it. Not yet." He said crying hard

"It is okay honey, everything is okay. Take your time. I'll be right here when you are ready"

"Thank you, Meredith" he said standing up and going upstairs straight to the bathroom.

* * *

He washed his face and walked to his bedroom and called to Iowa. The familiar voice quickly answered

"It is me. I'm going on 26th"

"Sorry, this is the best I got"

"Is she this bad?"

"What the doctors said? Why she doesn't eat?"

"Put her on the phone"

"She will talk to me"

"Put her in the damn phone" Alex yelled

"Hello, sunshine" he said with a soft voice

There was no answer and Alex tried again

"It is me, Lex, did you forget my voice, sweetie?"

"I know you wouldn't. Mommy told me you are not eating"

"Let's make a deal. You try to eat something and next week I'll come visit you

"No sweetie, I can't be there the whole week, only a couple of days"

"I miss you too, honey. I wish I could have you close to me"

"Maybe someday. I gotta go now. I love you Sarah"

_

* * *

_

Am I Ever Gonna Find Out is a Lifehouse song


	17. Sky is Falling Part I

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 17**

**Sky is Falling - Part I**

* * *

Days have quickly passed and Alex was traveling to Iowa in 3 days. He talked to Alice and Sarah a couple of times in the last few days and Meredith was okay with his avoidance to the subject. She knew how hard was to face some facts of life and she supported him without ask anything. They were finally moving on and their relationship was stronger than ever. They learnt how to handle it. They learnt how to respect each other time and space. They didn't have to break up to work things out. They did it together, though each of them fought their fights alone.

Sarah didn't talk to anyone but Alex. Alice tried to make her talk to her or to the doctor but the girl just couldn't. She tried but she never felt safe except when Alex was with her even when he failed to protect her that night almost 9 years ago.

Alice was really tired. Joanna had also moved out from Iowa to study on Yale. She was on the second year of her Law degree. She came to visit Sarah and Alice more often than Alex but it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same for the mother or for the daughter. They needed Alex. The last year was maybe the hardest of their lives. He was always around. He always took care of the three women of his life. He was caring and thoughtful and never let them alone except for that night.

Sarah has forgiven him but he never had. He couldn't forget her body laid in the backyard. He couldn't forget the bruises all over her arms and legs. He couldn't forget her silent tears that fell for more than one year. She didn't eat, walk, bath by herself. Alex did everything for her and with her. She barely spoke and the few words she uttered in that year were all to Alex. He failed to her but he was still her big brother.

* * *

"Sarah" Alice called out entering the room "Sarah" she said again but the young woman didn't answer back

"Sarah" Alice cried out as she saw her daughter's petite frame bleeding laid in the bathroom floor "Oh my God" was all she could say before reach the phone and call 911

She hung up and immediately called Alex. He answered after the third ring but for Alice it was like forever "Hello" he said entering the residents' locker

"Sarah is unconscious" she said with a shaking voice

"What happened?" he asked as his heart skipped a beat

"I don't know. She didn't wake up and it is already lunch time and I came to check on her and she was laid in the floor. She is bleeding Alex" Alice said crying

"What do you mean bleeding? Where is the bleeding?" he asked

"It seems like her noise and mouth… I can't say there is a pool around her face" Alice said

"Take her to the hospital immediately and let me talk to the paramedics when they arrive" he said

"Okay" Alice said

"She is gonna be okay" Alex said trying to convince himself

"Is she Alex? She is even worse than she was when it happened" Alice said with a deep concern in her voice

"She will. She is a Karev. She is a force of nature. Nothing will knock her down easily" he said wiping his tears

"She needs you Alex. I need you" Alice said cracking

"I know mom but I can't go there right now. I'll be there within three days but I can‎'t go right now" he said sitting down in the bench and burying his head in his hands holding the phone with one of them

"We will talk when you arrive. I don't think Sarah and I could keep living this far from you" she said

"I know mom. I know. Let me know when she wakes and if it is possible let me talk to the doctors in the hospital" he said

"Okay" Alice said and both hung up.

_What had happened to her? What if she has a tumor? What if she is dying? _

All horrible thoughts crossed his mind. He couldn't make it. He didn't have enough strength. She couldn't die. He needed someone. He needed Meredith. He got his cell phone and texted her

_I need you. Residents' LR. A._

* * *

Meredith was finishing one surgery with Dr. Bailey. Past 15 minutes she finally finished and got her pager and cell phones from the table. She hung the pager on her pants and put her phone on her pocket not checking any of them. She scrubbed out and finally decided to check it. Her pager was clear as she expected. Otherwise she would have listened to the beep in the OR. She had a text message and it displayed Alex name. She opened the text message with a grin on her face that quickly faded.

She headed to residents' locker but he wasn't there. She checked the time stamp on her phone and the message was sent 21 minutes ago. She dialed his number but there was no answer.

She asked for the nurses and interns that were in the same floor but no one has seen him. She checked the board and he didn't have surgery until early in the afternoon. He wasn't in the PIT. He wasn't with his interns. He wasn't in the basement where they used to go sometimes. Very old guy had died early that week but she checked his room anyway. She ran to the parking lot and his car was still there. He didn't leave the hospital. During her journey she called him a lot of times but there was no answer. She finally decided to look for him in each room of the hospital. First the on call rooms. First the ones in the floor he was last seen.

After opening a few she finally found one locked. She knocked the door and there was no answer. She softly called his name. No answer.

"Lex, are you there? It is me, honey" she said

She was moving to the next door when she heard the door opening. She looked back and saw him like she never did. He was worse than the other day when she broke up with him. She quickly entered the room and locked the door behind her.

"What happened, Alex?" she asked with terror in her voice

"Sarah" was all he uttered

Meredith knew this name. She had heard him saying this name before. No, he never talked about Sarah to Meredith. She listened to his screams at night. He used to have these nightmares and they were more often lately. He didn't say many things and the few words he said she only had identified this name. Sarah. She never asked him about her. By the terror in his voice it was certainly a painful memory that she will wait him to let her knows on his own time, like they did to everything in each other life. The moment had finally arrived.

"Wh-- What happen--ed to her?" Meredith asked also crying. She couldn't hold her tears seeing him so devastated.

"I can't lose her, Mer" he said and laid his head on her chest. His phone started to ring and Meredith wasn't sure if she should answer or not. She reached it with one hand and it displayed Mom. She had to answer. Maybe Sarah was his mother she thought

"Hello" her voice cracked

"Who is this?" Alice asked confused

"Meredith but this is Alex's phone. He can't answer now" she answered

Alice could listen to the sobs of her elder son. She had no idea who Meredith was but certainly someone Alex trusted because he would never cry like that close to someone he didn't trust his life.

"I'm Alice, Alex's mother. He asked me to let the paramedics talk to him. They are removing Sarah to the hospital" Alice said with her voice also cracking

"How is she?" Meredith asked unsure

"Do you want to talk to them? I don't understand what they say" Alice said tensely

"Sure" Meredith answered

Alex realized Meredith was talking to his mom. He only hung his hand on her shoulder and cried on her chest.

"Hi. This is Dr Grey" Meredith answered as the paramedic got the phone "How is she?"

"She has a concussion on her head. We can't say if anybody did it to her or if she slipped in the bathroom. We already called the police and they are sending forensics to investigate what happened."

"How are her vitals?" Meredith asked

"Her pulse is weak and we just put her in the mask because she seems to have difficult to breathe. We don't have further details Dr. Grey but we will let you know as soon as we do" the paramedic said

"Let me talk to Mrs. Karev, please" Meredith asked unsure

"Mrs. Karev, Sarah is breathing and she has a pulse. She is fine. She probably fell in the bathroom and hit her head on something. She will be fine. I will let Alex knows and as soon as you are in the hospital, let us talk to the doctors"

"Sure" Alice said

"Thank you, Mrs. Karev"

"Please, take care of him. He feels very guilty for his sister" Alice murmured

"I will. I will keep you posted if anything happens but I'm taking care of him Mrs. Karev" Meredith said and both hung up

* * *

Meredith tried to calm him down but she wasn't successful. He was in shock. It has passed more than one hour and they both would have surgery in a couple of hours. She called Callie and asked her to assign other residents to their surgeries. She told her they were at hospital but Alex was having a personal situation that she will relate later. Torres trusted on Meredith's word and changed their schedules.

Sarah was his sister. Meredith thought. She knew she wasn't someone she should worry about. But why did his mother say he felt guilty about Sarah? What has happened to her? And to Alex? Meredith really wanted to have these answers and many others. But she wouldn't push him. Especially in the condition he was. She would never push him at all. She trusted him and she knew in the right time he will let her know.

She was caressing his head and lost on her thoughts when his phone rang again. She quickly answered and it was Alice one more time.

"Hello, Mrs. Karev, this is Meredith"

"Meredith. The doctor said she has cranial traumatism. Oh my God, my daughter is dying." Alice said really desperate

"Is the doctor there?" Meredith asked

"Yes, he is in front of me. Let me talk to him, Meredith" Alice asked

"Mrs. Karev I know you don't know me but I'm Alex's friend. He is in shock and I think it is better if I can talk to the doctor first." Meredith rambled

"I don't understand what he says" Alice cried out

"I know. Let me talk to him, I'm a doctor also and I will explain you everything" Meredith said

She talked to the doctor for some minutes and Alex finally realized what she was doing. He grabbed the phone from her hand and desperately asked the doctor about Sarah's condition. The doctor tried to calm him down and in face of his failed attempt he handled the phone back to Alice, realizing it was her son

"Alex?" she asked

"Mom, put the doctor in the line. I need to talk to him. I need to know how Sarah is" he protested

"The doctor said he explained everything to Meredith" Alice said after trying to give the phone back to the doctor "He says for you to talk to her first and call back us. Please Alex, let me know what happened to my baby" Alice begged in tears

Alex hung up the phone and turned to Meredith

"What did the doctor say?"

"She will be okay, Alex" Meredith said

"What did the damn doctor said?" he yelled frightening Meredith

"He said she has a trauma on her head caused by the something they didn't identify yet. She has two concussions. One in the back of her head and the other in her face. She lost some blood by her nose and she has a bleeding on her brain" Meredith rambled

"How bad?" he asked still loud

"Not so small" Meredith answered and looked down

"Are they operating on her?" he asked scared and low

"She needs the surgery"

"I need to go to Iowa" he said standing up

"Alex" Meredith asked softly with pain in her eyes

"What? What are you hiding me?" he asked with fear. He could read Meredith's face with his eyes closed. He knew she didn't say the worst yet

"Maybe you are not the one who should be traveling"

"Why not? What is happening Meredith!?" he asked grabbing both of her arms and squeezing them hard

"Dr Sanders said the bleeding is a very dangerous area. He says it is a very risky procedure and they are considering transferring her to a bigger hospital" Meredith finally said

Alex stopped his pace. He was frozen. It couldn't be happening. He didn't seem to breathe and suddenly he fell on his knees. Meredith bent on her knees and embraced him "We should transfer her to Seattle Grace" she finally whispered on his ear

* * *

_Sky is Falling is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: This is a 3 chapters arc. I finally clarified who is Sarah. M is for mom, his mother Alice. I will also introduce you Joanna, his sister and let you know a bit about Josh and Joseph. I won't reveal much about what happened in the past of Karev family but it will be revealed slowly. I plan it to be very dark and very painful to justify Alex's behaviour. Hope you are still sticking for his story._


	18. Sky is Falling Part II

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 18**

**Sky is Falling - Part II**

* * *

"Please, Meredith, I can't do this" he said crying on her arms

"Hey. I'm here for you. You can count on me, I love you Lex" she said kissing his forehead

"I can't lose Sarah" he said

"You won't. I will talk to Dr. Sanders. Let me call to your mother" she said grabbing the phone in the bed behind him

"Mrs. Karev. This is Meredith" she said

"She is going to die, isn't she?" Alice asked hopeless

"No, Mrs. Karev, she is not dying" Meredith said caressing his hair

"But the doctor said…" she said but Meredith cut off "I really don't know Dr Sanders but I think Sarah should have the best and we have one of the best here in Seattle." Meredith said calmly

"Do you think we should move her to Seattle?" Alice asked

"I need to talk to Dr Sanders and know if she can resist. We need to know how extensive is the bleeding and check her brain pressure" Meredith said

"I will look for him and call you back, Meredith"

"Okay"

"Thank you, Meredith"

"You are welcome, Mrs. Karev" Meredith said and hung up the phone

"Look at me, Lex" she said sliding her hand over his face "I'm gonna to talk to Derek. You know she deserves the best. Do you want to go with me?" she asked

"I can't Meredith" he said

"I don't want to let you alone" she said with her eyes filled with tears

"I don't want you to leave"

"Do you want me to page him?" she asked

"Yes" he told not bothering that Derek would see him so vulnerable

* * *

Meredith paged Derek and waited for him outside the OCR

Some minutes later he saw her and reached the room's door

"What happened, Meredith?" he asked immediately seeing in her eyes she wasn't okay

"I need a consult" she said "By phone"

"Sure, what happened?" he asked again

"Alex' sister had a concussion and she has a bleeding on her brain in a very dangerous area." Meredith said with tears in her eyes

"I'm so sorry, Meredith" he said stretching his hand over her face

"Alex is here, Derek. I don't want to leave him alone. Let's get inside" she said

"Sure" he said following her and closing the door behind him

"Lock it please" she asked as she sat by his side and kissed his forehead

"I'm sorry, Karev" Derek said honestly to the shattered man in from of him

Alex only nodded

"I'm calling his mother and maybe the doctor can talk to you" Meredith said

"Sure" Derek answered

"Mrs. Karev?" Meredith said

"Hi Meredith. I just entered Dr Sanders' office. You can talk to him if you want" Alice said

"In fact I'm with our neurosurgery head, Dr Shepherd and he will talk to you and Dr Sanders" Meredith said handling the phone to Derek

"Hi Mrs. Karev, I'm Dr Shepherd, I'm sorry about your daughter" he said

"Thank you, Dr Shepherd" Alice said "I'm giving the phone to Dr Sanders" she completed

"Okay"

Alice explained quickly to Dr Sanders and he got the phone

"Dr Shepherd?" he asked

"Hi Dr Sanders"

"I'm Dr Derek Shepherd, from Seattle Grace where Dr Karev is a resident" Derek said

"I already heard about you Dr Shepherd, is a pleasure to talk to you" Sanders said

"Thank you Dr Sanders. The family is studying the possibility of transferring Mrs. Karev to Seattle Grace but I'd like to talk to you first and see what you think" Derek said

"I can fax you her labs and chart and we can evaluate it, Dr Shepherd." said Sanders

"Yes, sure. I'll give you my office fax number but if you don't mind I'd like you to describe me the case" Derek asked

* * *

Both doctors talked about 10 minutes and Meredith paid attention on everything Derek asked. She could read his face as anyone and she could say there were more bad than good news. She knew Sarah's condition was complicated and it was very unfortunate because she didn't hit very hard but the consequences were the worst. She held Alex's hand the whole time and kissed his forehead and cheek a few times uttering supporting words.

Derek noticed how caring and concerned she was over Alex. He couldn't say how deep her feelings were because that was a very extreme situation but he could say she had strong feelings for him. He tried to focus on what Dr Sanders was saying to him but the pain was undeniable. After giving the doctor his fax number, Derek hung up and turned to talk to Alex and Meredith.

"So?" Meredith asked holding tight Alex's hand and giving him a reassuring look before turning to Derek

"The bleeding isn't a big one. In fact according to Dr Sanders' description it is sort of small but as you know it is in a very sensitive and difficult spot. But her brain pressure is fine and the bleeding seems to be very slow." He said

"Can she be moved?" Meredith asked

"I'm not sure yet. I want to take a look at her chart and images before taking any conclusion. The good news is that we have time and if she can't move to Seattle I can talk to Richard and go to Iowa in the first flight" he said

Alex's eyes showed a bit of hope for the first time since his breakdown. He knew it would make a huge difference to be operated by someone like Derek. Although they had their issues Alex knew Derek was the best.

"Thanks, Derek, I really appreciate what you are doing for Sarah" Meredith said

"Thank you, Dr Shepherd" Alex said

Derek nodded and left the room to take the fax Dr Sanders would be sending. He was doing it for Meredith but it was too painful to stay in the same room with her and Alex so close to each other.

* * *

"Do you want to go home?" Meredith asked

Alex nodded

"I will talk to Torres. What do you want me to say her?" she asked

"The truth." Alex said.

His cocky and arrogant attitude was gone. He was shattered and he really didn't care about what people would say or think about him. All he could think was Sarah.

"So let's go. We talk to Torres and Derek and leave" she said standing up and stretching her hand to him

"Thank you" he said

"I love you." she said softly kissing him

"I love you too" he said on her lips kissing her harder

Both left the OCR after two hours in there. They walked down the hallway with hands laced and headed to Callie's office

* * *

Meredith explained to Callie briefly what happened and Callie released Alex until his sister surgery and let Meredith be with him these days. Both thank Callie and left to Derek's office.

"Have a seat" Derek said them

"Thank you" both Meredith and Alex murmured

"I think Sarah's condition is much better than I thought initially. I think we could move her but I don't think she should be moved in a commercial flight. We should try to get a jet. The insurance won't cover it but I can make some calls and see what I can do. If I have nothing I'll fly to Iowa" Derek said

"We have a jet" Alex said quietly

"Like you own a jet?" Meredith asked surprised

"Not exactly. My father's band has a jet. They've been not on tour for awhile so the jet must be in Iowa." Alex said

"That is very good Dr Karev, can you talk to them now? It is almost 1pm if we move her quickly I can perform the surgery tonight." Derek said

"What are her chances Dr Shepherd?" Alex asked honestly

"The bleeding isn't exactly where Dr Sanders said. It is very close but not exactly so it improved significantly her recovery chances" Derek said

"How much?" Alex asked

"I think she has 50 percent chances to live. In these 50 percent I would say she has others 50 percent to have a normal life" Derek said

"So she has 25 percent to survive the surgery and actually wake up?" Alex asked and Meredith held his hand tight

"I would say so, yes"

Alex didn't say anything. 25 percent wasn't too much. His little baby sister had only 25 percent to be alive.

"I'm-- I'm ca--lling your mother" Meredith said unsure of what she could do to help him

Alex nodded and let the tears fall silently on his cheeks.

* * *

Meredith talked to Alice that immediately called John. Fortunately the jet was there and in conditions to fly to Seattle.

Derek set up all the details and recommendations with Dr Sanders and two hours later Sarah was flying to Seattle with her mother, John, David and one of the residents of Iowa's hospital. Meredith and Alex went to her house to take a shower and get some rest. She knew he wouldn't do any of these things but at least he would feel more comfortable at home than in the hospital. They will come back to SGH to go with the ambulance get Sarah in the airport.

Around 8:30 pm she finally arrived at Tacoma. The ambulance was waiting for her and almost 10pm she entered the OR.

Derek had cancelled his surgeries that afternoon. He wanted to be rested for Sarah surgery. It wouldn't be a long procedure as the bleeding was small. Although the spot was very sensitive it wasn't hard to access it either.

Joanna has arrived about midnight and she was with Alex, Meredith and Alice in Sarah's room. George, Cristina, Lexie, Mark, Callie, Izzie were still in the hospital but as the room wasn't very big they were waiting the residents' lounge. Bailey and Richard stood there until very late but both had to go to their houses. They asked to keep them posted about everything. Everyone was supporting Alex, Alice and Joanna and Alice felt relieved to know that her son was loved by such nice people. She knew he has turned into someone very tough and hard but anyway he still captivated people affection. He was totally different from the kid he was until age 15. It really broke her heart that life was so harsh to her family and certainly they wouldn't stand a third death and especially Sarah's. Josh death almost destroyed them four years ago and any of them was the same since then.

* * *

About 00:30am Derek finally finished the surgery and Sarah was alive. It was a smooth procedure and everything went well as it was supposed to be. Derek was very positive about her recovery.

"Mrs. Kavev" Derek said entering the room

Joanna, Alex, Alice and Meredith immediately stood up and looked to Derek

"The surgery was successful. There wasn't any pcomplication. In fact it was so much better than I expected. Sarah will be in the ICU for a couple of days and then I hope to transfer her to her room." Derek said very positive

"Is she gonna to wake up, Dr Shepherd?" Joanna asked unsure

"I can't say it. We have to wait and see but the surgery was smooth and I think there are big chances she might wake up. Anyway I can't guarantee." He said

"Thank you, Dr Shepherd" Alex said

"You can call me Derek, Alex" Derek said giving Alex a comforting look

"Thank you, Derek" Alex repeated

Meredith hugged Derek and thanked him as Alice shook his hand and Derek left

"I got one week license. I'm staying with you mom" Joanna said embracing her mother

"Thank, Joan"

"You should get some rest. She will be in the anesthesia effect until tomorrow morning. " Meredith said to Joanna and Alice

"Do you think she will wake up, Meredith?" Alice asked hopefully as Joanna embraced her mother

"Dr Shepherd is very hopeful and he is very good on his job. You have to keep the faith Mrs. Karev" Meredith said smiling shyly

"She is a Karev, she will make it mom" said Alex also embracing his mother

"I hope so, Alex, I hope so" said Alice trying to assure herself and her children.

* * *

_Sky is Falling is a Lifehouse song._

_A/N: I know it's been forever, but I'm too emotional involved with tennis lately and I wasn't in the mood to write. I am still not but I had 80 of this chapter wrote so I just finished it. I know I've answered some answers and raised more questions with this ch but you will have to wait and see._

_I'd love to get reviews to know that you are will with me although I've been out for so long. I will try to make up for you in September._


	19. Sky is Falling Part III

* * *

**Reflections of Love – Chapter 19**

**Sky if Falling – Part III**

* * *

Meredith and Alex's family headed to her house. Meredith didn't let Joanna and Alice to sleep on a cold hotel with their sister and daughter lying on the hospital. She quickly made a room for Joanna on Izzie's old room and for Alice on Alex's. Since the storm they lived on Meredith's room and Alex only went to his old room to get clothes.

It will be a hard night and Meredith knew better. They arrived about 2am and they didn't have dinner yet. Meredith had ordered some food when they were leaving the hospital. She told the attendant that they will take about 15 minutes to arrive at home. She was just thankful for 24h delivery food because in her best days she couldn't manage to make an omelet how to say in one of the worst days she ever had.

Nobody could sleep that night. Meredith didn't leave Alex for one moment. It broke her heart how shattered he was. She loved him, she loved him so much and though until some hours before she had no idea of who Alice, Joanna and Sarah were she was as torn as he was about his sister condition. Sure she didn't love Sarah by the moment she heard about her but she did love him and whatever caused him such pain will hurt on her just the same.

* * *

"Maybe we should get up" she softly said rubbing circles on his back

"Yeah" be muttered

"I think the anesthesia effect will be off soon and I know you want to be by her side when she opens her eyes" Meredith said trying to lighten him up

"Do you think she will wake?" his voice cracked

"I know she will. As you said she is a Karev, just like you and I have to say that you are not easy to get rid of" Meredith tried to tease but it didn't come out in a convincing voice

"You are right" he half smiled and sat in the bed

"Let's awake Joanna and your mother. I don't think they got any sleep either so we better leave" Meredith said grabbing his hand and leaving the room

* * *

They agreed to buy something to eat in the way and briefly the four left Meredith's house.

After a quick stop on Starbuck's drive-through they finally arrived at SGH and headed to ICU swing.

They didn't allow the four of them to get inside for obvious reasons so Alex and Meredith entered the ICU room. Alice agreed that she and Joanna would see her later and that Meredith should get inside with Alex. He will need her.

"Hey, Sunshine" Alex said holding his sister hand and looking to the motionless body laid in the stretcher

For the second time in his life he came to see her laid in a hospital bed, looking dead. For the second time his heart was shattered and though this time wasn't his fault, deep inside he knew it should be related to the first time she was admitted to a hospital.

Meredith had her hand over her mouth. It was so hard to see him so broken. She tried hard to be there for him but she had to admit it was tearing her heart to watch him so devastated

He looked back to Meredith – who was stood behind him – and she reached him resting her hand on his shoulder

"She will wake up, Lex" Meredith said

"How can you be so sure?" he asked her slipping his hand over his sister forehead

"Because I see in your eyes how much you love her the same way I see how much you love me and I know a love like this can bring anyone from death" Meredith said remembering how the love she used to feel for Derek and the love he felt for her brought her back when she drowned. She didn't think a lot of Derek lately, especially in the last two days but she knew by her own experience that love could make anything.

"She is the most important thing I have, Mer and I failed to her. I may not cause her to be laid here today but I caused her much worse and I know it somehow brought us here, again. I'm not ready to lose her" he said lying down his head in the side of her stretcher still holding his sister hand

Silently Meredith made a prayer on her head. She knew when she met Dylan and Denny during her death it wasn't only about them and Ellis saying her to come back. She knew somehow God was giving her a new chance in life. She rubbed her hand over his head and cried out in her mind _I know you are there and I know I don't talk to you so much and I am sorry about it. I know you did it to me back in that day and I never thanked you for not sending Angel freaki… sorry, Angel Miguel itself to rescue me out because I'd must had died instead of come back. I don't really know anything about Your mysterious ways so please pick one and just bring Sarah back to us. Amen._

Alex was still with his head laid when Meredith looked to Sarah's face and realized the angelical young woman blink softly her eyes. Immediately Meredith felt a shiver over her spine and looked up to the ceiling. She lowered her head to Alex's ear and softly said "Look up because someone might just want to see your beautiful eyes"

Alex quickly raised his head and watched Sarah struggling with her eyes. After a few more blinks she finally opened them.

"Sarah" he said with tears falling down his cheeks

"Lex"

"Oh Sarah" Alex said and kissed his sister's cheek

"Where—where am I?" she asked looking around and especially looking to Meredith so close to her brother

"You are in Seattle. It seems like you fall in the bathroom and we transferred you down here to operate on you brain" he said

"Oh my god, my hair" said Sarah placing her hand on her head

"They didn't have to shave it, except for the little spot close to your nape" Alex explained

"You have a beautiful hair" said Meredith softly looking to the dirty blonde hair just like her own

"You have no idea how proud she is for being the only one blonde with blue eyes at home" Alex said smirking to his sister

"I feel a little dizzy" Sarah said "But I'm not some idiot girl that worries about her hair after basically just had her head open" said Sarah addressing more to Meredith than to Alex

"But you do have a beautiful hair" Alex said caressing his sister hair

"It is because of you. I know you love my hair and how you never let me cut it when Jenifer did and everybody did the same" said Sarah leading Meredith to pull a confused face

"Jenifer Aniston, Friends" Sarah completed "When she cut her hair everybody did the same but Alex didn't let me" Sarah said "He praises my hair and I never did get it. I think he might be psycho or something" said the petite woman giggling

Meredith immediately realized the similarity to hers own giggles and just thought that Alex might be really psycho. She and Sarah had the same color of hair and now the same giggle. It was creepy.

As he was reading to her thoughts he turned back to her and smirked "I am not this psycho who falls in love to the clone of his own sister. The coincidences end with the giggle; the hair and maybe the stubbornness" he said to Meredith

And they really did. Sarah's hair was curlier than Meredith's and although both had beautiful eyes, Sarah's blue gaze hadn't anything to do with Meredith's green grayish. Her eyes were just like Alex's except for the color. She looked so alike her brother, their features are just the same with Sarah's being just softer and definitely Meredith and Alex didn't have anything in common regarding their features.

"Did you just say fall in love?" asked Sarah surprised

"Sorry, kiddo. This is" but Sarah cut him off. "Alex I'm 23 years old, I'm not your kiddo" said her with an annoyed voice in the last word

"Sorry, Li, but as I was apologizing, this is Meredith Grey, Mer this is Sarah Karev, and you happen to be the two women of my life" he said with a great grin

"Nice to meet you, Sarah" Meredith said blushed by Alex's words – which didn't escape from his sister attention and shock

"Well Mer" said Sarah already using the same pet name Alex used "I'm very pleased to meet you and no matter how many corpses you have on your basement you are already my favorite person in the world and count on me to help you bury any other you may need" said her smirking and reaching Meredith stretched hand and shaking it softly

This time Alex was blushed and Meredith seemed like she was about to blow with her cheeks burning in red

"Well I think we should spread the good news" said Alex "Mom and Joan are outside probably dying a little bit more. You scared the hell of us, Sarah" he said noticing her joyful smile fade immediately.

Meredith also realized it and figured that Sarah was thinking about what happened back on Iowa "Well I'm going to do it and also talk to Dr Shepherd to check on you and move you to a room so you can meet your family" said Meredith leaving and kissing Alex's head

"Thank you, Mer" said Sarah with a half smile

"What happened, Li?" asked him with a concern frown in his face

All suddenly Sarah remembered about what caused her to breakdown some weeks ago and it hit her hardly again.

Alex immediately recognized the horror on his sister face. He knew it had to do something with that night 9 years ago. Maybe her fall in the bathroom didn't but her breakdown had and now seeing the panic draining all blood of her face he was just sure

"What is it, Sarah?" he asked, his voice more steady this time

Sarah didn't listen to her brother voice anymore. She was lost looking somewhere in the machines close to her

"Please, Sarah" said Alex with pleading eyes that his sister couldn't see

No answer come and Alex relived that year all over again. No words, no smiles, no giggles, nothing but silent tears and null eyes

"Talk to me Sarah. Please, you know you can trust on me, you know I'm here for you, please Sarah, what happened?"

Tears ran down from her eyes as she turned her head back to look to her pleading brother sat by her side

"I saw him" she said turning back to the machines and not meeting her brother's eyes anymore

Alex missed his breath. _See saw him._

_

* * *

_

As you might really know Sky is Falling is a Lifehouse song.

_A/N: Well at least I kept half my word and updated at least one of my stories this week. Shame on me but update this one was much easier as I finally finished my arc but not without let you another cliff because I might like them ;)._

_I didn't want much drama on Sarah's recover so I made she wakes up so quickly because I think we already had a lot of drama and angst in the last 5 updates with is almost a quarter of this story so far, besides there is so much more drama to come that I really don't need to get it by once. Anyway I will give the drama a break in the next update or two before addressing who is he. I think by now many of you already figured out what happened 9 years ago to Karev's family and I know there is a lot of information but I am all for a rich background of Alex's life as a way to make up for the show that gave us almost nothing so far. I may not develop Meredith's character the same way as we learned a lot about her life in the last episodes of the show but anyway I may add some eventually because although we know it, Alex doesn't. Sorry that I didn't have more of other characters in the last chapters but I needed to develop their first adversity but I think things will be like before for a brief while. I don't want to turn this fic into season 3 reloaded. Enough with the drama and bring on some funny and light stuff. Sure I won't ignore her breakdown and what hit their family but I think she might need some time to open herself to look back at her painful past. In the meanwhile we will take a look at Mark, Callie, Alice, Derek, Cristina and sure Mer and Alex. BTW Li is for her middle name, Lisa, because it is kind hard get a pet name from Sarah. Hope you enjoyed this update._


	20. Breathing

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 20**

**Breathing**

* * *

Just after her confession Derek entered the ICU room and Alex couldn't ask Sarah any further question. Derek was testing her motor, verbal and eyes response while Alex was lost in her words. _She has seen him. Where? When? How? What do I do now? Who is the son of a bitch? I need her to tell me who he is. I need to find him. I need to kill him._

"Alex" Derek called "Dr Karev" he repeated after a few seconds "Alex" the older doctor called out louder bringing Alex from his thoughts

"Uhh… yes Dr Shepherd" said Alex trying to focus on the doctor in front of him

"I'm not sure if you listened to Sarah but she told she fell in the bathroom and hit her head. I want her to rest a little bit more and within few hours she will be transferred to a room. I think she will be discharged within one or two days" said Derek while taking some notes in the chart

"Thank you, Dr Shepherd" said Alex

"She is sleeping now, later you can talk to her" said Derek indicating the door to Alex as he walked to leave the room

"Yeah" said Alex before kiss her forehead and leave the ICU room

* * *

Alice and Joanna were in the waiting room of the ICU swing when Alex joined them

"She is fine. She talked to me and Meredith and she was even joking until she remembered what happened" said Alex with sad eyes

Alice and Joanna were relieved when Meredith told them she was awake and fine. When the doctor left to look for Derek both, mother and daughter, kneeled and thanked God. John and David were also with them and everyone was relieved that Sarah was alive and apparently totally recovered from the surgery

"Did she tell you what happened?" Alice asked and when Alex was about to answer, Meredith joined them. He looked to his mother and she realized he didn't want to talk about it in front of Meredith.

"So how is Sarah?" Meredith asked "What did Derek say?"

"She looks fine. He will transfer her to a room before lunch time and he thinks she will be home in a couple of days" he told

"I'm so happy, Alex" Meredith said giving him a hug

"Yeah, me too" he told embracing her and looking to his mother.

Alice could read perfectly all her children but especially Alex. She knew something happened. She knew something caused Sarah to be in shock for the last two weeks and Alex knew what it was.

"I'm going to work but both chiefs told you can take one more day off" said Meredith trying to avoid to be with Alex's mother and sister now that everything was going to be fine

"Thank you" he said

"I also want to thank you, Meredith, for everything. I don't know what I could have done if you weren't here with Alex. Sarah is very important for our family and we are too attached to her. We certainly wouldn't handle it without your help" said Alice honestly

"You are welcome, Mrs. Karev"

"You can call me Alice, Meredith." Said Alice with a soft voice stretching her hand to brush Meredith's arm

"Thank you, Alice" she said to the old woman and turned to Alex "Well, you can be with your family. I will probably scrub in any surgery and I may not make lunch but I'll come to see Sarah in the afternoon" said Meredith kissing his cheek and walking away. He quickly grabbed her arm and brought his lips onto hers, softly "I love you, thanks for everything" he whispered on her ear

"I love you too" she answered shyly and left

"Don't you think I didn't listen to it because I did" said his mother teasing him

Alex was clearly embarrassed when he realized his mother and sister listened to his affection to Meredith.

"Who would say one day Alexander Josh Karev would fall in love and settle down" said Joanna slapping his arm

"Shut up" said him with a mischievous smile

* * *

They were teasing Alex for a few minutes and when Alice will finally address Sarah again Derek joined them

"Mrs. Karev, I need you to fill some paperwork, could you please go with Dr Johnson?" said the charming doctor

"Sure, let's go Joanna, you know my memory doesn't work and I may lose something as our home address" said Alice smirking as her daughter joined her

"I didn't realize how hot this Dr Shepherd is" babbled Joanna to her mother smiling to Derek

"Shut up, Joan. You can't sleep with your sister's doctor" said Alice

"But Sarah is okay" said Joanna

"Why don't you learn from your elder brother?"

"And lose my careless one night stands? No, that's not gonna happen" said the dark haired young woman

"You are 25 Joanna Caroline you don't talk these stuff to your mother" said Alice trying to look shock to Dr Johnson

"What? You know what I do. I never hide you that I spent two years travelling across the country just to have sex in all 50 states of this federation" said Joanna grinning

"Enough" said Alice embarrassed by the look Dr Johnson gave to Joanna

"Well, I can say Washington was one of my favorite experiences and you don't look bad yourself, Dr Johnson" said Joanna before burst out laughing while Alice shook her head.

* * *

"Is everything okay, Dr Karev?" asked Derek as Alex watched his mother and sister left with Peter, one of Izzie's interns

"Yeah" said Alex not meaning it at all

"She looks to you the same way she looked to me a long time ago, you know, before satan hidden wives show up" said Derek sadly

Alex was captured by his fellow doctor words. Was Derek Shepherd assuming the loss? He couldn't ever see this coming, especially from someone with Derek's ego size. Alex nodded not knowing what to say

"Just try to learn from my mistakes. I know you were friends before and you might know all I did wrong since the hidden wife. She deserves to be happy, just do your best to make it because when she is happy she has this beautiful smile, these infectious giggles and this bright in her eyes and I can tell you that being rewarded with her happiness makes life worth living." Said Derek regretting all his mistakes

"I'd die trying to make her happy" said Alex contemplatively

Derek nodded to the young doctor and left

Alex knew what Derek was talking about. He remembered when Meredith was in love with the neurosurgeon. He remembered how bright she was although she never realized she was once bright and shiny. Her beautiful features were the first thing that Alex noticed in the blonde skinny intern when they started their internship. He thought that he was somewhere in heaven to be in the same group of interns of Izzie and Meredith and he planned to sleep with both blondes. Anyway just when he knew that she indeed was seeing someone after she let him down in the gallery he realized the shine that he never saw on anyone. He didn't know yet it was Shepherd but he couldn't forget her smile, her eyes, her passion for life. Then satan showed up and all that brightness faded away. It was like a sick child. All the energy and the shine were drained and he felt so sorry for Meredith. But what Derek just confessed to Alex surprised him. In the past week he was so worried about Sarah and what he would do to fix things for his sister that he might had lost what Derek just described. Certainly the elder doctor didn't realize it during the last couple of days because honestly Meredith seemed as broke as he was. One could say that she knew Sarah since forever but Alex knew it wasn't about what she felt for Sarah but about what she felt for him. He knew that pain consumed her bones the same way consumed his own because his pain was her pain. For one moment Alex contemplate the suffering in the last two days and if there was a good side of the last events it was he could see how Meredith loved him. And the man that once was called McDreamy was now confessing that he no longer owns her love and adoration but now that belongs to Alex and it was just more than his heart could take in that moment. Slowly he headed to where his mother and sister were with a truly and deeply smile of relief on his face

* * *

He found them in the waiting room close to the nurse station in the 3rd floor and he could see his mother struggling with many papers. It was probably insurance papers and he realized how his mother needed him. She looked to the papers and looked back to Joanna asking her questions all the time. Alice was a very smart woman but all the times Joseph hit on her caused her a few problems on her head. Her memory was terrible and sometimes she had some understanding issues. It was hard for her to raise four children with an abusive husband but she made it somehow. When Joseph left she was relieved but at the same time worried because she would be on her own. Alex was always there for her and for his brothers because he knew they needed him. When Joanna moved to New Haven two years ago to have her Yale degree he thought that Sarah and Alice would be okay. But Alex realized his family still needed him and he wouldn't be quiet with Sarah and Alice away from him, especially now that he knew _he_ was still leaving on Iowa City and he couldn't let Sarah to be close to that monster and far from her brother. He took a decision.

"Mom, let me fill this for you. I will use my insurance number, Sarah is covered on mine" he said taking the papers from his mother

"Thank you, Lex" she said with a relieving smile

* * *

"How is Yale?" asked him to his sister when he got back from the nurse station with new forms

"It is fine. I wouldn't mind some of the hot docs I've seen here to move there but I can't complain. There are plenty of hot guys and I'm just making them happier" said Joanna

She and Alex had always the same temper. They were cocky, rude and careless. They had to take care of Alice, Sarah and Noah because they were the older ones. They reacted in the same way when they found out their father was abusive and life made them tougher than they should be. None of them wanted to be attached to anyone or to anything because they knew people can hurt. They were avoiders, they ran away from their emotions and they tried so hard to never care about anyone. Joanna was surprised by Izzie saying earlier that Alex was family for them. She was even more surprised when she heard him confessing his love to Meredith. Maybe he finally had a chance to have a different life but she didn't feel inclined to try it by herself. She couldn't risk to be more hurt than she already been. She couldn't risk having the same fate her mother and sister had.

"And you, how is Seattle?" she asked with a naughty smile

"Seattle is cool" he grinned to his sister

"I realized there are also some very hot chicks here"

"I can ensure you I made each of them happier" he winked

"But now it seems that you are focused on make just one chick happier" said Alice

Alex blushed and his mother and sister didn't lose the opportunity to tease him about Meredith

They were talking and laughing when Cristina joined

"How is your sister?" she asked

"She is fine, she is sleeping but she will be soon in the room and be discharged within two days" he said

"Are you also part of the family?" asked Joanna smirking and teasing her brother

"Sorry?" asked Cristina with a confused face

"Meredith's family" Alex cut off

"Oh yeah and I'm proud to be the only female that didn't sleep with Evil Spawn" said Cristina realizing the tease tone in their voices

"So you made the hot blond with the big boobies?" asked Joanna excited

"Didn't I ensured you I made the hot chicks happier?" he said

"He not only made Barbie but also Meredith's half sister – who is not really part of the family but he made her anyway" said Cristina ironically

"How come she is not family if you just said she is Meredith's half sister?" asked Alice curious

"This was a nature misunderstanding but I already took care of it" said Cristina "I'm glad your sister is fine" Cristina said nodding to Joanna and Alice and leaving

"Evil Spawn, huh?" asked Joanna

"Karev's must be honored" he said

"I know" his sister answered laughing

"She is a little bitter, isn't she?" asked Alice pointing to Cristina

"Mom, which part of Alex haven't made her happier you didn't get?" asked Joanna bursting out laughing leading her brother and mother to also smirk

* * *

They were silent for some minutes when Alex finally started talking again.

"Mom, I think you should release John and David to go back to Iowa" Alex said

"They just told us that they would wait Sarah to be discharged to fly back and that we could travel with them in the jet" Alice said

"You are not coming back" Alex said seriously

"What are you talking about Alex?" asked his mother clueless

"You and Sarah will move to Seattle I can't let you alone in Iowa. We will look a place for you to live and I will talk to Meredith, I'm sure she doesn't mind you to live in the house with us until we find a place."

"Do you actually live with her?" asked Joanna unconfortable

"Not in the way you are thinking. We are roommates. Izzie and George used to live there either and Cristina sleeps over very often." Alex said

"You don't need to be ashamed of your relationship with Meredith, Alex" said his mother

"I am not. If anything this the proudest thing in my life" he said "It is really like I said, I've been living there for months and we are together for only a month and a half" he completed

"I like her" Alice said

"She is wonderful, mom, you will love her like one of your own children" he said with a grin in his face that he couldn't avoid when he talked about Meredith

"Do you really love her?" asked Joanna shyly

"I do" he answered steadily

"So I need to know her until the end of the week because you still need my approval" said Joanna

"You will give me it before I kiss you goodnight today" he said confidently

"I am happy for you, son. Happy you found a woman to love, happy you found a second family" said Alice with tears in her eyes

"I was never this happy, mom and to my happiness be complete I need my family close to me" he said hugging his mother

"I miss you, Lex" said Alice not only meaning the year she spent away from her elder son but also the resemblance of the boy he was one day that she could see in his eyes

"I miss you too, mom" he said

"And I miss you too" said Joanna joining the family hug

* * *

_Breathing is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: A much brighter chapter don't you think? Sure I couldn't make fireworks when someone just had brain surgery and saw someone that certainly almost destroyed her life, anyway I tried to give the Karevs a break, they gave themselves a break to laugh a little their pain and suffering. In the next chapter Alex will tell his mother and sister what caused Sarah to breakdown two weeks before but this event of her life will only be revealed to you when he is ready to tell Meredith one of the most traumatizing things that happened to him, maybe the worst. Hope you enjoyed it. :)_


	21. Trying

* * *

**Reflection of Love - Chapter 21**

**Trying**

* * *

Sarah was finally transferred to a room and Alex had just joined her

"Hey" he said kissing her cheek

"Hi" she babbled

"Mom and Joanna left to have lunch with John and David in the bar across the street. They will bring up food because you are not sick and you don't deserve to eat hospital crappy food" he said caressing his sister hair

Sarah only nodded and looked to the window she's been looking since she woke up

"I missed you, Li" he said

She nodded one more time looking to him and turning back to the window

"You don't have to talk to me about him now if you don't want but I really want you to say me what happened. He can't be unpunished for what he did to you. We need to go to the police but I will wait for you to be ready" Alex said rubbing his sister arm

One single tear slipped from her eye and she closed her eyes. She would do anything to never see that face anymore, she would give anything to forget that night.

"I have good news for you. At least I think it is good" he said trying to cheer up his sister but totally failing

"Look to me just one minute, Li" he said with sadness in his eyes for seeing her so shattered again

She slowly turned to look to her brother and opened her eyes

"You and mommy are moving to Seattle. You are going to live with me until we find a place and maybe after we find a place" he said

"W-what?" she asked not believing on what he said

"Do you remember Meredith? My girlfriend from the ICU room when you woke up?" he asked and she nodded

"She has a big house where I live and where mom and Joan are while you are here. We will live there with her until we find a place and ship mom's furniture and your stuff from Iowa City"

Sarah was speechless. She missed deeply her brother, she and her mother never let him know that after he moved to Seattle she spent almost one month barely eating and talking. She really missed him and most importantly she only felt safe with him around and moving to Seattle will bring her home again and far from the man that destroyed her life

"And you don't need to care about college. We will find a way to get you into University of Washington. You know they have one of the best architecture programs in the country and they are ranked as the 16th best university in the world?" asked him to his sister

"Lex" was all she could say with a cracking voice

"You don't need to be afraid anymore, Sarah. I'm here and we will be never be apart again" he said hugging his sister

Sarah felt like a breath of life was blew in her nostrils

"Lex, I can't talk… I don't want…he… he… I… I" she tried to say but she couldn't

"Hey, I told you, no rush, you don't need to talk about him now. You don't need to talk until you are ready and if you never be ready then we will never talk about it anymore but you know he needs to go to jail for what he done for you but it is up to you Sarah. I won't let mom and Joan know about him if you don't want me to" he said rubbing his thumb on her cheek.

"You can say them I just don't want to talk about it. Not yet and the moment I say you I will also have to talk to the police and for this I'm definitely not ready"

"Everything will be alright, sunshine, and I will be there with you all long the way" he said wrapping his arms around her and embracing her

* * *

"Hey" said Meredith entering the room a few minutes later as brother and sister were excitedly talking

"Hey Mer" greeted Sarah coolly

"How are you feeling, Sarah?" asked Meredith

Seeing Meredith was on her scrubs Sarah asked: "Are you asking as a doctor or as the woman that changed my brother's life forever?"

Meredith immediately brushed

"Hey babe" Alex stood up to embrace his girlfriend and kiss her quickly

"I'm not in your case, Sarah" Meredith said very low

"Well so I think just say I'm fine is enough to answer you" said Sarah winking to Alex

"Li, I need to talk to Meredith for awhile, can you hang there alone for a few minutes? We will just stand outside your door if you need anything just call and I will listen"

"Sure" she answered

* * *

Meredith didn't understand why Alex was so worried about Sarah. Derek said the surgery was successful and she was totally recovered. Anyway she ignored it and tried to hide her desperation from him. Meeting his family in the middle of a trauma like they met was one thing but now she will have to talk with them and his mother will certainly appraise her. She was definitely freaking out but after all concern he showed over his already healed sister she couldn't say him how she felt because he already had a lot to handle.

"Where is your mother and Joanna?" Meredith asked trying to avoid any conversation he might want. He will probably say a lot of things about his mother and how she reacts when his son has a girlfriend and how she will hate Meredith. _But at least she will back to Iowa in a few days and it will be only me and Alex again_, she thought

"They are having lunch at Joe's with John and David" he said

"I completely forgot about them, they still have a band?" Meredith asked

"Yeah, but why are you asking?" he asked confused

"Nothing. I just wanted to know" she tried to be nonchalant

He shrugged his shoulders. He definitely gave up trying to understand women especially Meredith. He walked till the door and waved to Sarah inside and turned back to Meredith

"Sarah is very special to me and to my family, Meredith. She had been through a lot in the last years and she needs me" he said

Meredith nodded

"In the last two weeks she had been in shock and she wouldn't talk to anyone but me. I really need to be close to her. Last year was the first year I was apart of her and I don't want it anymore" he said looking very serious

Meredith lost her balance and Alex had to quickly grab her and don't let her fall

"Hey, what was that? Are you feeling okay?" he asked concerned

"Yeah, just a little dizziness" she said pale

"Meredith you look like a paper sheet, what are you feeling?" he asked desperately still on the effects of handling a trauma just hours ago and not ready for another

"It is nothing, maybe it is because I didn't eat anything since we got breakfast, I was feeling a little sick earlier and I didn't eat anything" she said

Alex blood drained out of his face and he was now pale "Are… are… you… pregnant?" he babbled

"No!! No Alex, of course not. God, no." cried Meredith

"Your period should be in this weekend, shouldn't?" he asked unsure

"It will be this weekend, Alex, I'm not pregnant. I am just dizzy because I didn't eat and I'm sick because I eat a lot of crap and yesterday was hard. You can go away quietly, I'm not pregnant. I'm totally sure" she said with tears in her eyes

"What are you talking about, Mer?" he asked

"I'm saying you don't need to worry, I won't destroy your life with a child"

"Who said you would destroy my life?" he asked

"I know you don't want to have kids" said Meredith. It was hard for her to handle his family but now that he was choosing his family over her she just didn't know what she was talking anymore

"I don't and neither do you but if you are sure you are not pregnant so what's the big deal?" he asked

"There is no big deal, we don't want kids and I'm not pregnant. Look I just came to check on Sarah. I thought you would be in the cafeteria." She said turning to walk away

"What the hell, Meredith?" he cried out grabbing her arm and attracting people's attention "Didn't I have enough with my family in the last two days? Do you really think that I need you avoiding me and saying me to go away? So let me clarify it to you, I don't. In fact some support would be good" he said turning to walk away

"Do you want me to support you to move back to Iowa, you really do? Don't you think it will hurt, Alex? I know she needs you for any reason and I know they are more important than me but can I be at least hurt? Sorry if I can't be the perfect freaking Christian that waves goodbye to the one she loves and just support him to abandon me for the sake of his family!" she said with tears now flooding her eyes and falling down her face

"Damn, Alex, PMS! Mer, honey, come here" he said wrapping her in his arms "I'm not going to Iowa, I'm not leaving you, you are not less important to me than my family is. What else? If you were pregnant we would figure out something I never wanted to be a father because I don't think I'm father material but we would figure it out together, okay?" he said caressing her hair

"So what is this conversation about? You can't live away from them, I got it, so if you are not moving to Iowa, what are you doing?" asked Meredith wiping her tears. Just as she finished saying she realized what it would be

"Oh God, are you mother and Sarah moving to Seattle?" she asked with terror

"Is that a matter for you, babe? Because in fact I was going to ask you if they can be with us until we find a place" he asked concerned

"Live with us in the house?" rambled Meredith

"Just for a few weeks or less" he said

"I have to go, Alex, I will be late. Sorry for freaking out, PMS sucks. We talk about it later and we will set things up" she said leaving

"Can I say them you agreed?" he cried out, although he had already said because he never doubt for one second Meredith would opposite

"Yeah" was all Meredith could say before leaving

* * *

Lexie and George were having lunch alone. Izzie was probably hidden elsewhere and Cristina must have been on surgery. Izzie didn't take very well Lexie and George's relationship and she barely talked to him in their apartment. She was a mess and she knew it.

"Hey guys" said Meredith with a tray on her hands

"Hi" said George coolly

"H-hey" said Lexie nervously

"Lexie I'm okay with you and George, in fact I think it is cute, don't worry I already have lot in my mind to bother about you" Meredith said as she sat

"Thanks, I think" said Lexie

"Thank you, Mer" said George relieved that at least one of his friend supported him but inside he never doubt Meredith would because she was never judgmental over any of their decisions

"You look pale" said Lexie

"That's why I'm eating although I'm sure I will empty my stomach soon" Meredith said not willing to eat but knowing she needed to be on surgery in one hour

Lexie and George were silent for some minutes. They didn't know what to say to Meredith and she didn't seem very interested to start any conversation and it would be impolite if they just resumed the conversation they were having when she joined

"How are Molly and Laura?" asked Meredith knowing she was creating an awkward situation

"They are good. By the way it will be her birthday in 3 weeks and Molly mentioned she would be very happy if you show up" Lexie said leading Meredith to choke

"Honey, you really to work your timing" said George giving her a look to avoid the subject

"Three weeks are plenty of time. I don't even know if I will survive three weeks living with my boyfriend's mother" said Meredith

"What?" George cried out shocked

"Alex wants his family to move to Seattle and he asked me for them to be in the house until they find a place" said Meredith not able to eat anything else

"It can't be that bad, Meredith" Lexie said trying to fix their lunch environment "I met her and she seems nice"

"She will hate me. Every mother would hate someone like me dating their sons. Ask George's mother" Meredith said

"Di-did you two… ever dated?" rambled Lexie

"No, just one night of bad sex because I had just met your father after 20 years" said Meredith

"George!" yelled Lexie leaving the two friends in the table

"Lexie!" he called as he ran after her

"Great, now I destroy others relationships either" said Meredith playing with the food on her plate and thinking how could she avoid Alice living in the same house with her

"Trouble in paradise, Grey?" asked Mark sitting with her

"No, just my in laws moving in my house" said her sarcastically

"That's not good. That can't be good. Nooo, not good at all" said Sloan before bite his sandwich

"It can't be, right? I'm screwed, I'm so screwed. She will hate me, she will probably take her son away and ensure he never meets me anymore" Meredith said pushing the tray away from her and laying her head in the table

"You are hard to be hated, Grey" said Mark trying to help his friend

"I'm dark, I'm twisted, I have daddy issues, mother issues, abandonment issues, niece issues, commitment issues, I'm wreck" she said

"Niece issues? This is new" said Sloan chewing his food

"Yeah because if I survive the next few weeks I may have to go to the birthday party of hell" she said

"Isn't your niece a child? I mean she can't cause you bigger issue than stinky diapers" said Mark confused by the whole niece issue

"Did you forget who her grandpa is? Do you think he won't be in his only grandchild birthday? Don't you remember Susan death?" asked Meredith

"So technically it is not a niece issue it is daddy issue, reloaded" said him smirking

"You are just an ass" said Meredith smirking and hitting his arm

"Ouch, Grey. I have faces to fix I can't be injured" said him rubbing his arm

"Is there a way I can say no?" asked Meredith trying to hold on some hope

"Unless you want her to really hate you, I don't think so" said Mark

"I should have listened to you and let it all about the sex and non-exclusive sex" groaned Meredith

"You are not like me, Grey, I'm not like Alex" Mark said

"Yeah but why rush things? If we were just handy sex I wouldn't freak out" she said

"You two were never only sex, if I'm not wrong the first sex you had was a few days ago. Look Meredith, you don't need to be afraid, this is what you always wanted, a relationship, a steady relationship with someone that would be there for you. I can listen to the bells ringing and babies crying" said Mark teasing her.

For the second time she slapped his arm "You are such violent these days, I may not be close to you' said Mark rubbing his arm again

"And you are such an ass these days, the difference between us? You are an ass all others days also" she said smirking

"But in both cases I said the truth" he shrugged

She didn't say a word and get back her plate to play with the rest of her lunch

"Right, now go there and reassure you will be such a great daughter in law, you can do this Grey, you _will_ do this" he said reassuring the unsure woman in front of him

"Right, thanks Mark, give Callie a hug for me" she said

"I will give her more than this" he smirked. Meredith smirked back as she left the table while he _attacked _his lunch

* * *

Meredith walked back to Sarah room and Joanna and Alice were already there along with Alex

"Hey guys" said Meredith standing in the door, still nervous about his family

"Hey, sis" said Joanna heading to Meredith and hitting her arm

"She doesn't do hugs either" said Alex also walking in his girlfriend direction and kissing her cheek

"Did you have lunch?" asked Meredith. The moment the words came out her mouth she regretted it. How corny was she checking if her boyfriend had lunch?

"Yeah, mom brought me and Sarah food" he said wrapping his arm around her waist

"This is my address Alice" said Meredith giving the old lady a piece of paper "And these are the keys" also handling her the spare keys she had since Izzie moved out "If you want to go home and take a shower or just be outside the hospital"

"Thanks, Meredith. Are you sure we won't disturb you guys?" asked Alice

"No, of course not, we live more as roommates than anything else. You can sleep on the room you did last night and tomorrow when Sarah is home I think two can sleep on Izzie's old bed and the other in Alex's room" Meredith said

"I just got some newspapers to look for a house or an apartment I think it won't be hard to find out. These days there are more houses to sell and rent than fishes on sea" said Alice

"Take your time, Alex and I will be fine" said Meredith

"I think we should do a party or something" said Joanna excited out of blue

"What is it for?" asked Alice

"Well Sarah is fine, you both are moving to Seattle and my visits will become more interesting than ever. I'm tired of Iowa boys and this hospital has just hot guys. And last but not least, Alex has a girlfriend. Oh my God I never thought I would say those words altogether, so we definitely need to celebrate" said Joanna

"Joanna! This is not your house and Meredith just looks tired, we don't want to give her any further inconvenience" said Alice

"In fact I think Joan is right mom, we need to celebrate. Maybe we could have a dinner tomorrow, what do you think babe?" said Alex kissing Meredith's cheek and pulling her close

"You know I can't cook, Alex" said blushed

"Don't worry about it, Meredith, mom cooks, I bet Alex misses eating mom's food. It has been more than one year" said Sarah with bright in her eyes

Everybody in the room melt with the joy in the little young woman eyes and Alex immediately crossed the room to kiss his sister in the cheek

"Of course I do, especially sitting next to you" he said

"You can invite your family too, Meredith. They all seem so nice" said Alice

"Except for the one Alex didn't make happier, she definitely doesn't look nice" said Joanna smirking

"Cristina is nice" said Meredith "She is just… Cristina" said Meredith not finding a better word to define her person

"So what do you think, Mer, is it too much?" asked Sarah with pleading eyes

"No, Sarah, in fact it will be nice to have the guys reunited again, it has been a while" said Meredith honestly

"Could you make sure you have Sarah's doctor invited?" asked Joanna "He is just hot" she completed

Meredith and Alex exchanged looks; they didn't know what to say

"Sure, Dr Shepherd is quite busy, maybe he can find a spot on his schedule" said Alex uncomfortable

"I will invite Mark and Callie either, I'm not sure if you had a chance to meet them" said Meredith

"I don't think so. I remember Cristina, Izzie, George, Dr Webber and your half sister" said Alice

"Lexie" said Meredith

"Oh yes, that's her name" said Alice

"What about your friends from Iowa?" asked Meredith

"John and David are on their way back to Iowa" said Alice

"Okay, so it will be us and Izzie, George, Lexie, Cristina, Mark and Callie" said Meredith

"And Dr Shepherd" said Joanna

"Sure, Dr Shepherd" said Meredith uncomfortable.

Alice noticed how both Alex and Meredith reacted at the name of the elder doctor but she wouldn't ask anything about it. It must had something behind it and eventually she would know

"Party!!" said Joanna running to her sister bed

"Yes, party!" said Sarah giggling

Finally some shine was reflected in the Karev's family faces and though Meredith was happy because they were fine, deep inside she was just afraid of what was coming

_

* * *

_

Trying is a Lifehouse song


	22. Into the Sun

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 22**

**Into The Sun**

* * *

Meredith had invited everybody to the dinner in her house later that night, except for Derek. She didn't feel comfortable to invite him but she couldn't not invite him after she said to Joanna she would. She knew it hurt him to see her and Alex together and although they weren't together anymore she still cared about him as a person. They weren't ready to be friends and she didn't want to throw her relationship on his face. Once again she decided the best way for her was taking some advice from Mark. Something had to be wrong in the world when the wiser person around was Sloan, she thought

"Hey" she said to him

"Hi, fellow dirty mistress" said him from the chair of his office

"Can I come on?" she asked

"You know you don't need to ask" he said pointing the chair in front of him

"Came for my wisdom?" asked him cockily

"I did but maybe I shouldn't" said her motioning to leave

"Cut the crap off, Grey, what's up?" he asked

"Do you know the dinner I invited you earlier?" she asked and he nodded "Alex's family asked me to invite Derek either but I'm not sure it is a good idea" she said

"Say them you invited him" he said

"What if in the next day Joanna or Alice meet him for any reason and ask him why he couldn't make it?" she asked

"Isn't Sarah just leaving the hospital? Where would they meet Shep?" he asked

"I don't want to start this relationship with his family in an unlucky manner and lying is definitely not the better manner" she sighed

"Well that was Sloan's easier advice, you know my wisdom has many facets" he said posing very superior and wise

"Yeah" she said chuckling

"So now it goes the most appropriate but the harder one: you have to invite him" said Sloan

"I know I have, I just don't know if I should. I don't want to throw my happiness with another man on his face Mark, I know I'd be hurting him" she said

"You are very thoughtful, young Grey" he said still playing his Salomon's pose "What if you invite him but right away say he doesn't need to feel obligate to go? He won't be willing to watch you, Alex and his family either" he completed

"I think it might work" she said wondering it in her mind

"Sure it will work, young Grey, I never gave the wrong advice to the lost ones that come to me, now go and release the weight in your heart" he said still playing his role

"Thank you, oh Almighty Sloan" said her smirking and leaving his office

"I'm definitely improving my God's abilities" said Sloan back to his laptop

Meredith left Mark's office and just stumbled at Derek

"Hey" she said

"Hi" he said quietly

"Look, we will have this dinner tonight at my house… to celebrate Sarah's recovery… among other things… and her family wanted you to show up… I told them that I'd talk to you… but I already let them know you are very busy… so if you want to show up, tonight, my place, at 7… but it is okay if you can't… or if you don't want" she rambled

"What other things will you celebrate?" asked Derek still quiet

"Sarah and Alice are moving to Seattle and Joanna likes here and… also my relationship with Alex…" she said rambling in the last part

"Oh" he groaned

"Look Derek I know it must be hard to you and I would give anything to never be with him around you but we work in the same place so it is hard to not see each other" she said at once

"Thanks… for caring… it means a lot to me" he said behind his sad and dark blue eyes

"I do care about you, Derek. We didn't work out but the love we shared I will never forget and I will probably never stop loving you… in some way… you were the first person in my life that made me believe I could dream and you changed the way I saw life. I know things got complicated later and I come back to where I was before meeting you… maybe I came back even further… but we tried, right? We made our best but maybe it just wasn't meant to be" she said teary

"Maybe it was just if I shouldn't have screwed up so many times" he said with guilty filling his blue gaze

"Well, I don't think we should have this conversation Derek. It really hurts me to see you so hurt and knowing I'm the cause of your pain is just an anvil I can't carry. Anyway, if you feel like you should show up, just do it, you will be welcomed in my house as you have always been, it will never change, I swear. But if you need, just take your time, all time you need and I will be there to be your friend when you are ready" she said squeezing his arm

"Thank you, Meredith" he said walking away

* * *

"Ar--are you… coming?" asked Lexie entering the interns' locker

"Where?" asked George without look to his girlfriend

"Dinner, Meredith's, tonight" she said

"If you want, I won't go. You are her sister, you should be there" he said

"I'm sorry for yesterday" she said quietly looking to her feet

"I should have told you. I put so much effort to forget that night ever existed that for awhile I totally did" George said walking over his girlfriend

"Was this bad?" Lexie asked

"Lexie, come here, I need to tell you something" he said

She nodded and he leaded them to the bench

"I fell for Meredith. I met her in the interns' mixer and she got me from hello. I've been hiding my feelings from months especially because she was with Shepherd and then we had sex and she cried but I didn't know it was because she met Thatcher. I thought it was awful for her and I didn't talk to her for weeks. I think you deserve to know that for her it was only bad sex because she had a bad day but for me it was my dream coming true until she started crying" said George rubbing his girlfriend hand

"So you loved her?" asked Lexie disappointed and sad

"Yes, but this was a long time ago. Last year was the worst year of my life. I loved someone that didn't love me back, I got married, I cheated on my wife, I lost my father, I failed my exam, last year is a year to forget and I believed my luck changed because I met you, Lexie" he said honestly looking deep in her brown eyes

"Do--you?" asked Lexie with tears in her eyes

"Yes, I do, because you are just amazing. You are funny, you are sweet, you are kind, you are the most incredible girl I ever met, Alexandra Caroline Grey and I think you are just perfect to me. You are all I ever dreamed about except you are prettier than I imagined" he said caressing her cheek

"Oh, George, I don't want to rush things but you saying all these words just make hard to go slow. I know it is recent and I might be too fast but, George, I--I--" Lexie rambled

"I love you too, Lexie" he said kissing her softly

"I love you, George"

* * *

"Hey, are you going to Meredith's?" asked Callie stood on Sloan's office door

"Sure, baby, I can't deprive my presence of my people" he said smirking as she closed the door behind her

"Seriously, am I responsible for your higher levels of cockiness?" she asked sitting on his lap and kissing his neck

"No, I already told you I'm modest. You are responsible for my higher levels of pleasure" he said capturing her lips with his

"I'm not sure I can wait until after the party" Callie said under her breath

"So, don't, did you lock the door?" he asked

She only nodded as he kissed her neck, going down to her breast

"So let me increase your orgasm level, Torres" said him scooping her and laying her in the couch of his office covering her body with his own

"Oh, Mark!" she moaned as he kissed her bare stomach, licking her navel and moving down with his lips as he slipped her pants and underwear on one move

"You are so hot, you are my hot Latina Chief" he said kissing every spot of her body

"But you are still by boss, your wish, my command, what do you want from me, Dr Sloan?" she said burying her hands on his hair as he kissed her

"I want you to be only mine" the words escaped from his mouth

Callie was so horny to call him out on what he just said and break their moment "I'm all yours now, only yours" she answered seductively in his ear

"Torres" he moaned under his breath and kissed her passionately

* * *

Later in the afternoon Izzie headed to Meredith's house. She wanted to ensure Alice got all she needed to make them dinner and also to give her a hand. Meredith though was trying to stay in the hospital until the last minute. She knew she couldn't avoid her boyfriend family forever, especially living in the same house.

Cristina's shift would end at 7pm and Meredith called Alex saying she would wait for Cristina and that they will arrive about 7:40.

"So, why are you doing this dinner in the first place?" asked Cristina drying her hair with a towel

"Alex' sister suggested. I think his family had passed for darker moments I did and they just need to lighten up things. I couldn't say no" said Meredith

"So we are celebrating lights?" asked Cristina sarcastically

"We are celebrating Sarah was released and my relationship with Alex" said Meredith

"See? This is what I say, which kind of family celebrates the fact that their son and brother is finally in a relationship? Evil Spawn's family. They know they should celebrate it because no other woman in the world would risk getting into this" said Cristina with an ironic smirk

"Enough Cristina!" cried out Meredith

"What?" asked Cristina pulling a confused face

"If you are so sure I'm stupid and my boyfriend is just shit, you shouldn't coming, in fact maybe you shouldn't talk to neither of us either because we surely are not worth of your friendship" said Meredith storming out of the locker letting a stunned Cristina sat in the bench

* * *

Meredith arrived at her house about 7:20 and she could listen to the giggles and the cheerful conversation from the driveway

Alex who was anxious for his girlfriend to join them noticed the lights in the driveway and walked to the front door to wait for Meredith

Meredith had showered in the hospital and wore a beautiful emerald dress and made her hair on a well settled ponytail. It was simple but she looked stunning. Her eyes just popped and the gloss in her lips made her mouth even more irresistible.

"You look amazing!" said him

"You look great" said her looking into the beautiful navy polo he wore with black jeans pants

He carefully touched the side of her face and kissed her passionately. World seemed to stop around them and they got lost in their kiss. It was deep, sweet, long and filled with love. Few moments later they slowly pushed away

"I missed you" he said caressing her cheek with the back of his fingers

"I missed you too" she said with her hands on his waist

"I was getting crazy with those three needy women" he said smirking to his girlfriend

"Needy, hun?" said Sarah behind them

"Hey, Sarah" said Meredith hugging his sister

"Hey, sis" said Sarah

"You finally arrived, now I only miss McDreamy" said Joanna with a glass of vodka on her hand

"He is not coming, Joanna, I met him about and hour and a half ago and he was scrubbing in an emergency surgery" said Meredith honestly pulling a sorry face

"Great, I'm on a dinner with my mom and committed guys accompanied by their ladies" said her rolling her eyes

"See? Needy!" said Alex laughing and kissing the corner of Meredith's forehead

"You should get inside, it is cold" said Sarah coming back inside

"I really missed you" said Alex walking with Meredith inside wrapping his arm on her waist

* * *

The night was pleasant and all of them were having fun

Alice sat in the head of the table as per Meredith's request and she had Joanna and Sarah sat by her right side and Alex and Meredith by her left. Mark was sat across Alice as he claimed to be the second wise leading Callie to tease him saying he meaning the second old. She was sat by his right side as Lexie, George and Izzie sat on his left. It had been a bit awkward in the beginning because neither Izzie nor George wanted to sit close to Mark and Callie. There were two empty chairs between Callie and Meredith that had been for Derek and Cristina. They got an extra table joined with Meredith's dinner set to fit the 12 guests but only 10 seats were taken.

"Mrs. Karev you are such an excellent cooker" said Lexie tasting the orange sauce duck.

"My mother is the best cooker ever" said Alex with a large grin on his face eating a large piece of duck

Meredith contemplated his happiness. He was whole, he was complete. He had his family, he had his second family and he had her. Every now and then he looked to Meredith's with an endearing and lovely glance or squeezed her hand. After some of Mark's best jokes when everybody was laughing out loud he looked deep in her eyes and mouthed _I love you_ and kissed softly her cheek turning to the table to make a funnier joke than Mark's last.

Izzie, Meredith and Alice went to the kitchen to replace their dirty plates for dessert bowls. As Izzie headed back to the dinner room with the bowls Meredith placed the dirty plates in the sink. Alice got the strawberry trifle from the fridge and placed it in the counter

"Do you want me to take this?" asked Meredith turning to look to the lady behind her.

There was tears in Alice's eyes and Meredith didn't know how to react. Awkwardly she finally asked "Is everything okay, Mrs. Ka-- I mean Alice?"

"Everything is perfect, Meredith" said the sweet woman "It is just I don't see my family this happy in a long time, especially Alex. I only remember that grin on his face when he was kid, during holidays" said Alice blinking quickly to avoid the tears to roll down on her face

"He is very happy you and Sarah are moving to Seattle" said Meredith twisting the tablecloth on her hand

"No, Meredith. This is about you. You fixed his broken heart and I will ever be able to thank you enough for this. I miss Alex. He used to be just a sweet boy. He was caring and gentle and my neighbors just let me crazy to make their daughters his girlfriend. Even in the church I was chased by little girls and their mothers. I never saw someone with a golden heart like Alex and suddenly all that changed. He turned on someone very tough and hard. Life wasn't good to my family, Meredith and I'm just happy that what I thought was missed for good was recovered" said Alice moving towards Meredith and kissing her cheek

"Thank you, honey" she said wiping her tears and leading Meredith to cry as well

"Hey, I can't be deprived of my mother's dessert anymore" said Alex entering the kitchen and seeing the emotional moment his mother and girlfriend were sharing

"Is everything okay?" asked him gently

"Yes, son, everything is fine" said Alice finished wiping her tears and took the trifle to the dinner room

"Hey, what happened babe?" he asked concerned with his both hands on Meredith's face

"I love you, Alex, I love you very much" said Meredith embracing her boyfriend tight

"I love you too, babe" he said kissing her head and feeling her tears soaking his polo

"Why are you crying honey?" he asked using the pet name she used to call him and also wondering it was PMS effects

"I'm happy because I have you and especially I'm happy because you are happy" she said pushing away from his embrace and looking with her teary grey-green eyes that now were the same color of her dress

"You are the reason of my happiness, Meredith Lily Grey" said him kissing her softly "Now, let's eat because I can't resist my mother's dessert any longer" he completed

* * *

_A/N: Into the Sun is a Lifehouse song_


	23. Unknown

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 23**

**Unknown**

* * *

"Mom finally found a house" said Alex to Meredith in the lunch line

"Really? Where?" she asked

"Ten minutes between here and home. It is perfect, just like the house I grew up" said Alex happily

"That's good. Not that I bother she and Sarah at home" Meredith said

"I know babe" he said kissing the back of her head "They will travel to Iowa this weekend to take care of the furniture and their stuff"

"They don't need to be on a rush. Today is Thursday, it can wait another week" said her

"They are already with us for more than three weeks, Mer, it is about time to move out" he said as they headed to sit with their friends

Meredith and Cristina didn't talk so much since their fight. Meredith wanted to talk to her person but she was very hurt by Cristina's words. _Why can't she have a little faith on me? Why is she so sure I will screw up?_ But what hurt Meredith the most was her thoughts about Alex. He had a very hard life and he turned into an honored man. He was rude sometimes and straight in tricky subjects but he was much better than most men she knew.

Nobody knew what happened between both women and no one dared to ask, not even Alex, so everybody just ignored the distance between them.

"Anyway, they can stay for as long as they want" said her sitting in the table "Hey guys" she completed addressing to her friends

"You were great today, Mer" said Lexie excited

"It was pretty cool" said Alex he said proudly winking to Meredith

"He seriously let you perform a valve replacement all by yourself?" asked George

"A valve replacement is not a big deal" said Meredith

"But you flew solo, we should to go Joe's tonight" said Lexie

"Are you considering cardio? It is the fourth our fifth cardio surgery you scrubbed in this week" asked George eating his sandwich

"Dr Shawn likes you a lot, you should consider it" said Lexie

"I don't think so" said Meredith quietly

"Afraid of the competition?" asked Cristina cockily

"Not really" said Meredith smirking "But I think I enjoy more opening brains" she said

Just then Izzie also joined the group

"Congrats Mer, I heard about your heart surgery" said Izzie

"Why are you guys making such a big deal about it? It is a valve replacement. It is cardio basics" said Cristina pissed

"Are you jealous?" asked Alex smirking

"Oh, she is married to Cardio, she is totally jealous" said Izzie smirking

"At least I know why I'm here, Barbie" said Cristina bitterly

"And what do you mean? We all know why we are here also, Cristina" said Meredith

"Yeah. I'm going to neo-natal" said Izzie

"I'm going to neuro" said Meredith

"I'm all for plastics" said Alex eating his lunch

"Gave up on the vagina squad, Evil Spawn?" asked Cristina sarcastically but Alex totally ignored the comment

"I'll be general" said George

"Shut up, you are still an intern" said Cristina

"It doesn't mean we don't know why we are here" said Lexie

"Do you already picked a specialty Lexie?" asked Meredith trying to cheer up the conversation

"I think I'm going to neuro as well" said Lexie shyly

"Following your big sister steps?" asked Izzie kindly

"I think the brain is a mystery and I enjoy solving mysteries" said Lexie

"Seriously" murmured Cristina

"It is a great specialty Lexie and we are lucky we have Dr Shepherd, he is one of the best and very good teacher" said Meredith nonchalantly

"He is" said Lexie

They talked peacefully during the rest of their lunch and when Meredith was leaving Lexie came behind her

"Meredith" said her sister

"Yeah" answered Meredith getting rid of her tray

"Molly had rescheduled Laura's birthday to this Saturday because Eric will come from Iraq. You never said if you were coming" said Lexie apprehensive

"Lexie, I don't know if it is a good idea. Thatcher will be there and you know how he feels towards me" said Meredith

"He is getting better you know. He loved my mother so much and it devastated him to lose her abruptly. He knows it wasn't your fault though he never admitted it. Give it a try, make it for your sisters and niece and if you don't feel comfortable or if you realize he can make a scene, then you leave" said Lexie

"Okay, I'm going to talk to Alex, I'm not sure if he is free Saturday night" she said

"Afternoon, in fact. 4pm. Here it is the invitation" said Lexie giving the pink invitation to her sister

"Thanks, Lexie" said Meredith with a half smile

* * *

Meredith was on call that night and she didn't have a break to talk to Alex about Laura's birthday party. Far from the hospital in their house Alex was talking to Sarah and watching TV

"So have you been in the house mom chose?" Sarah asked her brother as they had dinner

"Yeah. It is just like the Hills'" he chuckled

"That was a good time" said Sarah remembering their childhood

"Do you remember when we locked Joan in the tree house? She was afraid of bats entering and draining her blood away" he said smirking

"I remember when Josh fell from the house and he was dizzy and fell over and over again until mom got him" Sarah said remembering of their dead brother

"How could you remember it? You were what? Three years old?" asked Alex

"I think so" Sarah said

"I miss him" Alex said

"Me too" she agreed

They stayed on silence for several minutes looking to the television but any of them was really watching it.

"I was thinking" Alex said vaguely breaking the silence

Sarah waited for her brother to continue his thought until he finally said "Maybe I should move out with you and mom"

"But what about Meredith?" asked Sarah trying to hide all excitement behind her sparkling eyes.

"I don't know, we've been dating for almost three months but it was never like a normal couple, you know? One month I was injured, and then we had a getaway to the mountains and just two weeks later you came… and now when you move out it will be… different. Before we were just roommates in love but now with you and mom around it is more serious and I don't think I'm ready for it, I'm not the guy living with his girlfriend… not yet… but I don't know how to say it to her… she has been hurt already… and I'm such an ass… I really don't know what to do"

"Lex" said his sister rubbing his back "You are anything but an ass" she said

"I'm Evil Spawn" he said looking to his sister with a half smile

"I don't like it just because we are not good with feelings and we don't like to let people in? No, you are not an ass and you are not Evil Spawn"

"But how can I say it to her?" he asked

"I don't know" said Sarah honestly

"Guys, dinner is ready" said Alice entering the room

"You will find a way Alex and she will understand you only have to find the right words" Sarah said entering the dinner room along with her brother

"I'll book the tickets tomorrow. We can leave on Saturday morning, what you think Sarah?" asked Alice as she got her daughter plate

"What are you talking about, mom?" asked Sarah clueless

"Iowa, furniture, pack your stuff, moving to a new state" said Alice rolling her eyes

"I'm not flying to Iowa, I don't want to ever get back there" said Sarah quietly taking her plate back

"I can't handle it by myself" said Alice "You have a lot of stuff and we need to talk your college directors to see if we can transfer you"

"No, I'm not coming back. I can't… I don't want… university… please, Lex, please" said Sarah crying and moving to her brother lap

"Shh, it is okay Sarah I can go with mom and take care of everything. Do you think you can stay here with Meredith?"

The small woman just nodded with her head buried on his neck

"So tomorrow I talk to Chief and I'll go with you mom, I help you pack everything and get someone to move the furniture and I travel back Saturday night and you wait until Monday to talk to University of Iowa's director. It sounds good for you?"

"Sure, thank you Lex" said his mother teary

"Now, let's eat sunshine because I'm starving" he said and Sarah slowly moved back to her chair

* * *

The dinner was silent but somehow Karev family was used to those wordless meals.

"I'm gonna watch some TV" said Sarah leaving the table

"I will take the dishes" said Alice

"I'll help you mom and just reach you in the living room, Li" said Alex helping his mother with the dishes

"Thank you, Lex" said Alice quietly

"It will be okay, mom" he said

"She really panicked when I mention the college campus. Do you think is it related somehow to him?" Alice said starting to do the dishes

"Maybe" said Alex thinking his mother must be right

"But she studied there for two years and never had any problem. She got late in college and she was younger than your friends, so he probably doesn't study there" Alice concluded

"I don't know; we have to wait until she is ready to talk. She was in the campus the day she got sick?" he asked while he dried the dishes his mother was handing him

"Yes, Mary, do you remember Mary?" asked Alice

"The one in the nursing college?" Alex asked

"Yes, she was with Sarah and later that day she called asking if Sarah was okay. I talked to Mary and she said they had lunch on her campus that day and that Sarah just left suddenly not saying a word" said Alice remembering that dark afternoon some weeks ago

"How did you not say me this mom?" asked Alex angrily

"I forgot Alex, I didn't know she had seen him all I knew is one day she was okay and in the next she didn't speak or eat" Alice said nervously

"But I told you she had seen him, damnit mom!" he cried out

"Sorry, Alex" she said wiping her tears

"Sorry, mom, sorry, I shouldn't push you this hard." He said wrapping her shoulders "I won't push. In time Sarah will talk about it and we will found out everything we need to put that bastard in jail for the rest of his life" said Alex regretting to yell on his mother

"You should stay with her, I'll finish the dishes by myself" said Alice

"I'm sorry, mom" he said guilty. He knew sometimes his mother couldn't articulate her thoughts

"It is okay, Lex"

* * *

When Alex reached the living room Sarah was already asleep in the couch. He could see she cried and carefully he scooped her and brought her to bed. He kissed her forehead goodnight and caressed her hair. "I will never let anyone hurt you again, sunshine. I promise you" he said kissing her one more time and leaving his bedroom

The tragic night that changed their family was probably harder to Alex than to anyone else. He felt guilty and he was never able to forgive himself for what happened to Sarah. He couldn't forget her body laid in the cold grass, lifeless. For some seconds he thought she was dead. Her body covered with bruises, especially her arms and legs. No, he couldn't forgive himself for it because he sent her there.

Filled with guilty he entered Meredith's bedroom and collapsed on her bed. It was like he lived that night for the thousandth time in his life and he couldn't carry the weight on his shoulders. Once again he was a dark man drowned in his regret and guilt.

About an hour later his mobile vibrated. It was like he has no strength left to get the phone and see who it was. It was a text message by the ringtone leading him to crawl until the nightstand and get his blackberry

_Just for you to remember that I love you__, I miss you. Mer_

Her words were enough to give Alex's heart the comfort he needed to sleep but not before he changes his thoughts to how he could say to Meredith he wanted to move out. Finally he gave up finding a way, he just fell asleep.

* * *

_Unknown is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: This chapter it is meaningful for this story and though it seems just like a filler or lack of better ideas in fact it is exactly what I needed it to be but as I know right now it isn't meaningful for you I'll post another tomorrow. I'm entering the last part of this story and these are the last facts that the characters will handle (except for the very huge surprising one that will end this story and that I won't spoil). There were two very important things about it: 1) Meredith and Cristina are barely talking to each other for more than 3 weeks and it is bad. Just like in the show Meredith needs Cristina's assurance and support. She couldn't talk to Cristina because she couldn't listen the 'truth' her friend had to say her. Meredith would believe she and Alex would never have a real chance and that they both sucked. 2) I gave you more background of what happened to Sarah 9 years ago and what happened to her few weeks ago. There are also two secondary facts in this chapter that will be handled in next chapter: Meredith will finally face Thatcher again and though she doesn't know yet we already know that Alex won't be there with her because he will leave to help his mother. And least but not less important, I really feel to disappoint you but Alex wants to move out from Meredith's house. It is a big step for him to live with her because now his family is around. But how will he take this step back? How will Meredith react? He knows she has abandonment issues but this is what he wants._


	24. The Edge

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 24**

**The Edge**

* * *

In the next day Meredith and Alex met each other quickly before rounds. He was late and she was very tired of her night shift.

"I need to talk" she said on a rush

"Me too, lunch?" he asked and she nodded

Alex had waked up 4am and didn't manage to sleep again. He couldn't find a way to tell Meredith he wanted to move out without hurting her. He knew she had abandonment issues and taking a step back on their relationship wouldn't help her with said issues. But he wasn't ready to take this step over. Though it looked like he was moving back, for him living with her while his family lived in the same town was a huge step. He wouldn't be her roommate simply. He would live with her as a couple and even though it didn't make much sense he couldn't let the feeling go. He would visit his mother and sister and they would visit him on his house. He loved Meredith and he wanted to spend the rest of his live with her but forever didn't have to start immediately. They will probably end up living together as a couple but he couldn't find a way to let her know it. Back from his thoughts he ran to look for Torres. He was late and he didn't get his assignment what was never good.

"Good morning, doctors Grey" said Sally, a 78 years old neuro patient

"Good morning, Mrs. Levine" said Lexie

"Sally, please" said the adorable lady

"Morning, Sally" said Meredith coolly

"We are going to prepare you for surgery, how are you feeling this morning, Sally?" asked Lexie

"The way it is possible to feel when you will have the first surgery of your life. At age 78. On your brain." chuckled Sally

"Everything will be alright Sally, Dr Shepherd is very good" said Meredith

After talking to Sally for about 10 minutes and checking if everything was alright for the surgery, the two young doctors left Sally's room saying they will be back on half hour to take her to the OR

"Does Laura like teddy bears?" asked Meredith awkwardly

"Are you kidding? She loves them, especially the colorful ones. Her favorite is definitely Nemo" said Lexie smiling at the memory of her niece playing with her Nemo

"How about Shrek? He is green, so she might like as well?" asked Meredith

"Not exactly. I gave it to her but she cries every time she sees it. I got it back to my house"

"Oh" Meredith said totally out of ideas to what give to her niece

"Just pick something cute and she might enjoy" said Lexie

"Okay" said Meredith still uncomfortable

"George kinda asked me to move in with him" said Lexie out of the blue

"Really? Why don't you act like you liked it?" asked Meredith curiously

"I mean, it is not that he really asked me. Though he and Izzie worked their issues out, they just don't feel comfortable living together. Izzie is looking somewhere to live and he told he couldn't afford the rent by himself but he didn't want to live with roommates anymore" rambled Lexie hardly

"And?" asked Meredith still not getting the point where he asked her to live with him

"I was at his place yesterday and he told if I'd want I could sleep over. I liked the idea and I showed it to him and then he told me that soon Izzie would leave and then I could be there all time" said Lexie

"And what's the problem?" asked Meredith

"I wasn't here last year Meredith but I've been here for 4 months and I can say that he didn't get to learn from his mistakes. He married to Callie, he slept with you, he slept with Olivia, he slept with Izzie, he is always taking many steps, huge steps so fast. It starts fine but it doesn't end well." said Lexie

"And what did you tell him?" asked Meredith

"I couldn't say anything because I knew I would hurt him. I'm freaking out? How is it with you and Alex?" asked Lexie

"What about us?"

"You two live together and you just started a relationship just like me and George, doesn't it feel too fast? Don't you get scared?"

"We are roommates" said Meredith

"You were roommates, Mer, now you are a couple living together, you can't still be roommates" said Lexie

"I prefer to think we are still roommates because you are right. It is just too fast to live with your boyfriend after only a few months together"

"It is, it isn't?" asked Lexie

"Tell him it is too fast. He will understand." said Meredith after a few minutes in silence

"What if he doesn't? You know George, he doesn't react well when things don't go as he plans" said Lexie

Meredith shruged. There was nothing else to say.

"I guess you are right. I will talk to him" said Lexie

They were almost at Derek's office when Lexie turned to Meredith "Thank you, Mer. It means a lot for us that you are giving us a chance, I mean, to my family and it is especially meaningful to me" she rambled hardly

"I couldn't resist your rambling" said Meredith smirking

"Says the steadier speaker" said Lexie giggling

"By the way, could you tell the guys that I'm not having lunch with them today? I need to talk to Alex and I want to have a private conversation for a change" said Meredith

"Sure" said Lexie

* * *

They finished Sally' surgery and thankfully everything was fine with the endearing lady. Meredith paged Alex to meet her in the lobby and about ten minutes later they met

"How was surgery?" asked him kissing her cheek

"Good, it was a smooth procedure" she said

"Why aren't we having lunch in the cafeteria?" asked him

"Because I need to talk to you and you told me you need to talk to me too and we can't really have a moment alone on SGH" she said as they lead to his car

"Where do you want to go?" he asked

"Anywhere close, except for Joe's because this is even worse than the cafeteria" she said

"Okay, let's go to the Italian, close to the bank" he said sitting in the driver' seat

Immediately memories of the scariest day of her life crossed her mind. When she drowned it was scary but it was about her and she knew better how to manage the darkness of her life but when she saw Alex's body in the floor of the bank and a pool of blood increasing on his side she stopped breathing. They weren't a couple yet but some feelings were already there and he was her best friend and she cared a lot about him. She imagined how would be her life without him and the simple thought torn her heart. She needed Alex more than anything else. She felt like she was finally getting over her commitment issues because there was no pressure, because he understood her as no one else could. She couldn't live without him. She couldn't imagine her life without the man that showed her she could be herself and still make it work. Trying to quickly brush those horrible memories of her mind, she stretched her hand and squeezed his hand hardly

"What is it, babe?" he asked seeing she wasn't okay

"It is nothing" she murmured

"Mer…" he told as they stopped on a red traffic light "What is bothering you, honey" he said squeezing her hand and giving her a reassuring gaze

The traffic light turned to green and he turned the corner and parked in the restaurant parking lot

He unclasped his belt and softly caressed her cheek "Will you tell me?" he asked

"It is nothing. It is just some stupid things crossing my mind. Scary memories" she said kissing him softly

Realizing they were just beside the bank he figured it out "About that day? In the bank?" he asked unsure and she nodded

"Come on here" he said opening his arms and she unclasped her safety belt to meet his longing arms

"I thought I would lose you, I can't lose you, Lex, I need you, everyday, by my side" she said sobbing

"I'm here, honey, I'm not leaving you, I promise" he said kissing her forehead

"We weren't together yet but you already were everything to me" she said tilting her head to look into his eyes

"And I already loved you" he said slipping his hand on her hair "And since then it just grew bigger and bigger"

She turned her head back to his chest and a couple of minutes later she stopped crying

"Let's go eat before we get late to get back to hospital" he whispered

She nodded and they left the car

"So what do you wanted to talk about?" he asked trying to avoid the conversation he planned to have with her as their moment in the car totally discouraged him

"Tomorrow is Laura's birthday and Molly and Lexie want me to come. I know Thatcher will be there and I can't do it by myself" she told

"Oh, honey, I can't make it. Last night I agreed to go with mom to Iowa to pack their things and help her with the furniture" he told her, his heart broken

"Seriously?" she asked not believing it was happening

"I'm sorry Mer, she already booked our tickets and got the company to get the furniture this morning, it is too late for us to reschedule. Damnit" he said hitting the table slightly

"I can't do this Alex, I can't do this by my own and now Molly and Lexie are expecting me to go, what if Thatcher does something? I can't handle it again" she said, her cheeks turning to red

"He won't ever touch you again" said Alex with his blood boiling on the memory of Susan's death events

"I'm not going" she said after the waitress left their meals

"You will. You can do it, Meredith. I know the guy is a loser and a jerk but you are a better person. Show him what a great woman you are and he will regret even more for not being a part of your life. George will probably be there. I know it isn't such encouragement but you won't be alone. I'm sorry, I really wanted to be there with you, not because of Thatcher but for your sisters and niece. It will nice for you to be close to your family, it is good to have the family close to you and be close to them" he said

"I didn't see this coming" she said smirking slightly

"What?" he asked chewing a piece of his steak

"You, a family guy" she said eating her salad

"My family needs me and I need them around. It was a huge mistake to leave Sarah and mom on Iowa and I will make up for them" he said

"I promise you nothing will happen tomorrow" he said after a few minutes on silence "I won't be there but I promise you I won't let anything happen to you, even if I'm thousand of miles away. Trust me" he said reaching her hand and softly squeezing it

"Thanks, Lex" she said

* * *

Failing on her when she needed him was enough for the day. Alex decided he wouldn't say anything about moving out until he gets back from Iowa. She was already vulnerable and tense and he would do his best to protect her.

They finished their lunch and headed back to the hospital.

Alex didn't have an opportunity to talk to Callie in the morning because getting late and running behind his chief to get his assignment was enough.

He explained her the situation and she agreed to release him on Saturday and Sunday but assured him he will work the next two following weekends to make up for his hours. She also released him to leave earlier to get ready to his trip.

After talking to Callie he assisted Sloan on a surgery and left the hospital. He texted Meredith and left a note on her locker.

He drove carefully to the almost familiar neighborhood paying attention on the houses. He didn't remind it well because all the times he has been there it was very dark. He tried to pull some details out of his mind and after driving about 30 minutes he finally saw the house.

He walked to the front door and dinged the bell

He heard some noises from inside the house and few moments later the gray headed man opened the door

"May I help you?" asked the old guy not recognizing Alex

"This is for what you already did" said Alex punching hard on the man's face "And also a warning. If you do anything to her tomorrow you better run very fast because I will run after you until hell and take care of your last breath" said Alex watching the man on the floor with his nose bleeding

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked the old man

"I'm talking about your daughter. The one you abandoned twenty years ago. So let's make this very clear, you touch her, you hurt her, you embarrass her and I will kill you" Alex said pointing his index finger into Thatcher's face

"I don't see Meredith for ages" said Thatcher indignantly

"Well, so tomorrow you will see her on your granddaughter birthday and I just wanted to ensure you will be very pleasant and gently to her, are we clear?" Alex asked with rage on his eyes

"I didn't plan to do anything different" said Thatcher

"You better don't" said Alex leaving

* * *

_The Edge is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: Well I hope you don't mind a little of violence from Alex here but I wanted Derek or someone else to do it for her a long while ago so now I can sleep happier._

_The next chapters will represent my favorite part of their story. You will realize a difference in the writing because I'm more excited about it and more engaged. I don't know how I will handle it but I think my ideas to finish this story will produce about 6 more chapters. Maybe a little less, maybe a little more, we'll see. Next chapter is one of my favorites because I'm handling Mer's family and also someone very important to her. In the following I intent to have a tender moment and also give you some clues of how this living situation will lead (it is funny that the show is currently showing MD living arrangements ). I think he will only address it to her in chapter 27 or so and after they decide it I will skip some months because I want this story to move forward faster. Then I will have a brigde chapter and probably the epilogue probably split into 2 or 3 chapters... which makes it 30-31 chapters. I hope you will still with me until there, then maybe I can think about a sequel._


	25. Cling and Clatter

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 25**

**Cling and Clatter**

* * *

Alex drove back to the hospital and waited until Meredith's shift to end. He had texted her again saying he was already in the lobby waiting for her. Reading some news on his blueberry he noticed the young beautiful lady he saw some months ago. There she was, Derek' sister talking happily to Sloan. They were leaving the hospital when Alex greeted Sloan

"Hey Karev, I thought you left" said Mark

"I did and came back. I'm waiting for Meredith" Alex said

"Let me introduce you Elizabeth Ross, Liz, this is Alex Karev, 2nd year resident and boyfriend of a great friend of mine" he said

"Nice to meet you, Alex" said Liz with a tender voice

"Nice to meet you, Dr Ross" said Alex shaking her hand

"Liz couldn't resist me and she finally got her transfer from Sinai. She starts Monday as SGH 6th year resident" Mark said proudly of his young sister "It will be a great addition to the staff" completed Mark with a grin on his face

"This is always good news" said Alex politely

"Now we have to go, John must have been freaking out in the car waiting for us" said Mark

"See you, Dr Karev" said Liz leaving

A few minutes later Meredith crossed the lobby, happy to meet him there because she was too tired to drive

"Thanks for coming back to get me home" she said showing relief

"I didn't want to waste any second with you before I leave" he said wrapping his arm on his girlfriend shoulder

"When are you leaving? I totally forgot to ask" she said

"Tomorrow, 5am" he told her

"And when are you back?" she asked

"Sunday, 11:42pm, Tacoma" he said opening the door of his car for her to enter

"What was it with your hand?" she asked seeing a slight bruise on his hand

"Nothing you should worry about. How was surgery?" he asked starting the engine

"It was great I still can't believe he did it" said Meredith excitedly describing to Alex the complex procedure she and Derek just did

Alex paid attention on every detail she excitedly told him about the surgery. He was proud of Meredith. Surgery was hardcore and neurosurgery was definitely one of the most compelling fields.

* * *

They got home and found Alice packing a few clothes for her and Alex. Sarah was excited about moving to Seattle and couldn't hide her happiness

"We were only waiting for you to have dinner, let's gonna eat because I'm starving" Sarah said

They talked during dinner about Alex and Alice's trip and Sarah didn't stop teasing her brother.

"Meredith I have a lot of very nice stories to tell you" said Sarah

"I can't wait to listen" Meredith said giggling

"Don't you dare" said Alex a bit uncomfortable

"What? She needs to know you better" Sarah said chuckling

"There are really some very nice stories" said Alice smirking

Seeing that Alex was getting further uncomfortable, Meredith squeezed his hand and turned to Sarah

"Do any of those involve his previous relationships?" teased Meredith

"Which relationships? Do you mean the one when he was 6?" asked Sarah laughing hardily

"Oh yeah, it seems like this one was the last one" said Meredith chuckling

"He dated Claire for about two years" said Alice

"Until he kissed Rachel" burst out laughing Sarah

"They were very cute" said Alice remembering how cute Alex was as a kid

"We have pics back on Iowa, we'll show next week" said Sarah laughing

"I'm going to sleep because we need to leave early. You should go also mom" said Alex standing up

"Won't you tell us the one or two things you learnt about relationships back with Claire and Rachel?" asked Sarah sarcastically

"Shut up" he said smacking his sister arm and leaving kitchen with a mischievous smile

"You will fall in love all over again when you see his childhood pictures, Meredith. Alex was very cute" said Alice proudly

"I can imagine" said Meredith "Well, I'm going to bed also, it was a very hard day. Have a nice trip, Alice. Good night Sarah" said Meredith leaving the kitchen and following her boyfriend to their room

* * *

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about your childhood. Everyone had their very ashamed secrets" said her behind him as he brushed his teeth

"You don't want to listen to those. They are boring and definitely not fun" he said after finishing with his toothbrush as Meredith also started brushing her teeth

He got to her bed and few minutes later she joined him. He was sitting leaning in the head of their bed with his legs stretched. She sat by his side laying her head over his chest

They were in silence and Alex could read her mind. He knew she was thinking about meeting Thatcher in the following day.

"You don't need to worry about him" said Alex kissing her forehead

"What if he doesn't want me there? What if I destroy Laura's first birthday?" she asked concerned

"Nothing of this will happen. I already took care of this for you. Didn't I say I would?" he said caressing her hair

"How?" she asked turning to look at him

"It doesn't matter how but I know your father wants you to be there and I'm completely sure he won't make anything to you or to destroy the party" he said with such confidence that she just believed on him

"I wish you were there though" she said tilting her head on his chest avoiding eye contact

"I wish I was there for you too, babe"

"I mean, not only because of Thatcher, sure he is the main reason, but I wish we were doing this together"

"Doing what?" he asked totally clueless of what she was talking about

"Be there with my family. I know we are not exactly a family but I'm friends with Lexie and Molly is a nice person. There is Thatcher but I really liked Molly and Susan" said her

"Maybe we can invite Molly and Lexie to come over some day" he said trying to comfort his girlfriend

"Yeah… maybe" she said vaguely

"I promise I'll be there in the next time. No matter what" he said after a few minutes of silence

"I'm gonna to buy her a teddy bear. Lexie said she likes Nemo and is afraid of Shrek" said Meredith

"That is nice of you, Mer"

"Yeah. I thought I needed to show her somehow I'm her aunt" said Meredith "Maybe she likes me"

"It is impossible to don't like you, Meredith Grey" he said kissing the tip of her nose making her shyly smiles to him

Not saying anything else to him Meredith got lost again on her thoughts. She wanted him to be there. She wanted to know how he will be around her family, especially around Laura. She had few opportunities to see how he is with children and all the times were patients. Though the other day she agreed with him about not wanting to have children like him, she wanted. It wasn't a short term plan but she wanted. They never discussed about their future, they never made any kind of plan. Their careless relationship really didn't bother her, in fact she liked to live like they did – only caring about today and about each other. He used to say people like them have to survive to everyday and that was enough for them to care. It took a lot of weight of her shoulders but sometimes, just sometimes, she wanted him to show any stronger attachment.

Alex was surprised by Meredith reaction. In fact she changed a lot in the last four months since she broke up with Derek. He didn't know exactly what caused her to be such different. He thought trying so hard to make their relationship work and to be someone else leaded her to be an avoider. She must have been an avoider before, just like himself, but she clearly got worse after Addison appearance but now she seemed to take a leap of faith. She was scary about the future, he could say. They never talked about their future. He never showed her how he wanted to marry her one day. He had this manwhore mask but Alex always thought about having someone. It would make him proud of himself that after all the issues of his parents marriage he could be encouraged enough to give it a try. He liked to make things right. Though it never showed he was a good man but he was sure Meredith will never agree to get married. She is probably like Cristina and seeing what resulted of Burke insistence he rather never see Meredith walking the aisle than seeing her apart from him but now she was willing to have him meeting her family. She said she wanted him with her when she was introducing herself to her niece and allowing a connection with her both sisters. Maybe his relationship with Sarah and Alice encouraged her. He wasn't sure but it gave him a slight feeling of hope. _Maybe she will walk that aisle one day. Even if it is City Hall aisle._

Slipping his body through the bed and laying his bed in the pillow he carefully spooned on her, kissed the back of her head and wished her goodnight. She answered him back and few minutes later both were sleeping.

* * *

Early in the morning Alex and his mother headed to the airport. He didn't want to wake Meredith, so he let a note for her in the nightstand.

She woke up about 6am and found his note.

_Everything is gonna be alright. I know._

_Enjoy Laura's party and your family._

_Love, Lex_

That was all she needed to finally convince herself to go. Though he didn't say what he did, she knew if he assured her Thatcher will behave, so he will.

* * *

"Hey!" told Lexie excitedly to Meredith

"Hi' Meredith answered awkwardly "Where is George?" she asked noticing she was sitting alone

"We had a fight" told Lexie

"You talked to him about moving in?" Meredith asked?

"Yes, but we will talk about it in the hospital, I want to enjoy my niece's party, come on, let's meet Molly and Laura"

"Hi" said Meredith still uncomfortable

"Meredith" cried out Molly hugging her sister although Lexie had told her Meredith didn't like to hug and she definitely will not play with the kids

"I--I—brought this to Laura" rambled Meredith handing Molly the fuchsia package

"Come here, give her yourself" said Molly happily

Laura was among other kids. She wore a pink gown and looked like a little princess.

"Laura, come here with mommy" said Molly crouching and stretching her arms to her daughter

The little girl yelled in happiness and tried to run to her mother stumbling a lot in her way. She finally reached Molly's arms and gave her mother a hug

"Say hello to Aunt Meredith, Laura" said Molly

Laura looked to the nervous frame in front of her and appraised Meredith for some seconds. "Give Aunt Meredith a kiss, sweetheart, she is mommy's sis just like Aunt Lexie" Meredith crouched either and waited for the little girl to react. Finally she giggled and releasing herself from her mother's arms she walked towards Meredith with her arms stretched. Meredith put the package in the ground and embraced her little niece that immediately released from Meredith's arms and ran back to her mother. Meredith didn't understand and was standing up when Laura released again from Molly and run back to Meredith. Seeing her niece was playing with them Meredith relaxed. After the fourth round Laura lost her balance harder and not resisting fell in the soft grass. Worried about her reaction and especially Molly's Meredith blushed waiting Molly to react and Laura to cry. But the little girl yelled again and ran towards Aunt Lexie laughing. Lexie took Laura in her arms and stood up rounding Laura in the air.

"She is an angel" said Molly approaching Meredith "Like I never was to mom" she said smirking "I was a pest"

Meredith took the package and stood up "Lucky you" said Meredith smirking

"Come on, I want you to meet Eric" said Molly pulling Meredith to follow her

Eric was close to other guys and Meredith's heart skipped a beat when she spotted Thatcher sat on a nearby chair

"Hon, this is my sister Meredith, Meredith, this is my husband Eric" said Molly

Meredith greeted her brother in law awkwardly and looked for help. Lexie was totally distracted playing with Laura and she felt Thatcher's eyes on her while Molly was talking about something to Eric go fix. Not knowing what to do Meredith gasped for air slightly. She knew what will happen within some minutes. She will hyperventilate in front of her sister guests and destroy her niece party

"You will need this" said a familiar voice behind her handing her a pink plastic cup

Meredith turned to see Cristina handing her a cup with… tequila.

"Be cool, nobody needs to know what's inside" said Cristina as Meredith took a shot

"Thank you" said Meredith still surprised by Cristina's presence but relieved she had a familiar face around

"Come on, I'm sat over there" said Cristina leading Meredith to a farther table

"I didn't know Lexie invited you" said Meredith

"She didn't" said Cristina drinking a soda "I demanded to come"

"Why?"

"Because I was there when Alex talked to Torres about his trip to Iowa"

"Uuhh, thank you" said Meredith

"Look Meredith, I'm not going to apologize for what I think and I do think you are doing a huge mistake dating Alex but now you know my opinion I don't need to repeat it and this I can offer to you, I won't talk about it anymore"

"Sorry about the other day. I was nervous about the dinner. His mother… I knew she will appraise me and no sane mother will approve me as her son girlfriend" rambled Meredith

"She doesn't look sane to me" said Cristina, her tone still cold

"She is nice"

"Okay" Cristina simply answered sipping her soda again

"I need you, Cristina. I know you are right and I'm probably doing the biggest mistake of my life but I can't do it by myself. I'm not asking you to support my relationship with Alex but I need you to be close to me" said Meredith almost pleading her friend

"Why Meredith? Why do you need me so hardly if you know you are going to get hurt? Didn't Derek make damage enough? Do you have to taste Evil Spawn?" said Cristina annoyed

"I fell, Cristina, I fell for him, okay? I thought I wouldn't, especially because I was still mourning my failed relationship, but you are right, I get involved easily" said Meredith with a defeat tone

"I'll be there for you, that won't happen again because you don't get to say me to not talk to you" her tone a little more gentle

"Okay" said Meredith

"Okay, now get rid of this tequila cup, you certainly don't want people to think you are an alcoholic that needs to bring tequila to a children's party" said Cristina

Meredith motioned to look for a trash bin when Cristina called her "And Meredith, you own me big time for coming to a place infested by these noisy pests" said Cristina pointing her index finger to Meredith

"Okay" said Meredith smirking slightly

"Now go" said Cristina getting a hot dog from her plate

* * *

The party was going well when they finally reunited everyone to sing Laura Happy Birthday. Everyone was singing and some children were frightened by the noise but Laura was totally excited and couldn't stop clapping her little and fatty hands.

Meredith and Cristina was far from the cake table when Lexie joined them

"She is the cutest girl in the world, isn't she?" asked Lexie her eyes teary

"She is" said Meredith contemplating the scene in front of her: her little niece in her father's arms and her mother trying to get her to blow the candle out, laughing with her daughter still clapping her hands joyfully. Laura motioned to clap her hands in the cake but Eric was quick enough to avoid it. Molly blew the candle out and they shouted Laura's name, Eric wrapping his arm around Molly's shoulder while holding Laura with the other. They were a picture of a happy and complete family that deep inside Meredith dreamed to herself but she knew she unlikely will have it. Alex definitely didn't fit in this family model in her mind

A voice came next to her making a shiver run on her spine "Meredith" Thatcher said softly

Cristina and Lexie looked to Meredith that was frozen. She didn't turn to look to Thatcher and finally finding strength to move she quickly gave Lexie the package she couldn't give to Laura yet "I bought her Dory because she might like her too... and she is blue... she is colorful" said Meredith storming out Molly's backyard

"Don't worry, she will be stupid enough to forgive you someday" said Cristina harshly to the elder man, turning to ran after Meredith

* * *

_Cling and Clatter is a Lifehouse song_


	26. Somewhere in Between

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 26**

**Somewhere in Between**

* * *

Almost two weeks since the trip to Iowa, Alice and Sara belongings and furniture finally arrived completely to their new house and was almost done for them to move. Sarah was awaiting an answer from University of Washington but she was hopeful to get a spot as she got very good recommendation letters from her teachers of Iowa.

Alex still didn't talk to Meredith or his family about moving out. But now he couldn't avoid it anymore. Sarah and Alice will officially move out from Meredith's place in the Sunday and he had to talk to Meredith because if he didn't move with his mother and sister he wouldn't ever be able to move out of Meredith's house.

Meredith entered the kitchen cutting him off his thoughts

"What do you think about a new countdown?" she asked sensually whispering in his ear and sitting on his lap

"Countdown?" he asked accepting her flirting and kissing her neck

"Three days and Alice and Sarah will move out and we won't have to do silent boring sex anymore" said her tilting her head to reach his lips

"You won't have to be silent because I was never loud" he said stopping the kiss and resuming it harder "Plus you were loud in the on call rooms" he said after they broke the kiss

"You know I'm much louder" she giggled leaving his lap by the sound of footsteps in the stairs

"Hey good morning" said Sarah entering the kitchen

"Hey Sarah" answered Meredith getting a mug of coffee

"Lex, why are they making you a room in the new house?" asked Sarah getting some milk from the fridge

"What do you want me to do with my old stuff? Let to the new people will live in our house in Iowa?" he asked uncomfortable but taking Meredith's attention

"No, but mom could let it in the basement. When I get back to college I want to make me an office, I need space to make my drawing table" she said motioning to make them some pancakes

"There is a room in the first floor Sarah, plus mom needs a spare room for Joan when she comes to visit us" Alex said disturbed

"Whatever, you don't even live there and get to have a bigger place to your stuff than I have for my office" said her

"Well, we need to go, we will get late" said Alex to Meredith trying to leave the kitchen

"We don't have to be there until 8, Alex, it is barely 7" said Meredith not understanding his rush

"And I'm doing you some pancakes, you ungrateful and selfish brother" said Sarah annoyed

"I thought it was later" he said and left the kitchen anyway

"Do we have jelly?" asked Sarah but Meredith didn't listen she was focused on her running mind. W_hat is he running from? Why does he bother to have a room on his mother house?_

Not finding any good answer Meredith finally paid attention on Sarah and helped her finish their breakfast

* * *

Forty minutes later Alex and Meredith arrived at the hospital and Callie gave their assignments. Not everybody was happy about her, Callie wasn't on her good days lately. Since she realized Sloan's moves to a steady relationship she started to avoid him. She was missing the sex hardly but she definitely wasn't ready for a relationship. She will finally sign the annulment of her failed marriage after 5 months of her separation. She thought she was cool about it but when the lawyer called her on Monday scheduling the meeting to sign the papers it hit her. Her marriage was really over and her reaction was an indication that she wasn't prepared for its end.

"Meredith" called Callie when the residents were living

"Cristina called in sick, could you please be with Lexie today, in addition to your interns?" asked Callie

"Yeah, she called me too. What about the others?" she asked

"I'm giving one to each resident" Callie said and left not leaving much room for Meredith to start a conversation. She wanted to help Callie especially because she didn't have a best friend in the hospital in addition to Mark but Callie didn't allow

* * *

"Hey, you will be with me today, Cristina called in sick" said Meredith to Lexie

"What does she have?" asked Lexie

"A flu but she says her head is killing her and she is vomiting" said Meredith

"Who are you with today?" Lexie asked

"Sloan and Ross" Meredith asked as they moved to the nurse station where Meredith will give her interns their assignments.

"Dr Ross seriously lighted Dr Shepherd's mood. He was so sad and distant lately" said Lexie to Meredith

"Yeah, it is good to have your family around"

"You don't tell me, Molly is moving to North Carolina. I already miss her and Laura" said Lexie downcast

"Why?" Meredith asked

"Eric was finally discharged from Iraq but they sent him to NC"

"Really?"

"Yes and dad is thinking about move out also. He says he misses mom too much and be alone in the house without Laura and Molly around will make it more difficult. But what about me? Just because I was in Harvard for the last years doesn't mean I don't miss mom and that I won't miss my family hardly. While I was there I was fine and I was ready to be there for my internship either but then I had to move back to Seattle and there was Laura, everything changed, I don't want be alone again"

"You won't be alone. There is George…" Meredith paused for a few seconds and completed "and me" squeezing her young sister arm

"I don't have George anymore" Lexie said

"Still about the apartment?" Meredith asked

"Well we never had a chance to really recovered about that fight and since Monday he was acting weird and yesterday he finally told me that he couldn't handle it anymore that he was moving so fast that he needed to be alone for awhile"

"I'm sorry, Lexie"

The dark hair woman half smiled and didn't say anything else during their walk to the nurse station.

"Doctors Grey!" greeted Mark when both docs joined him "Today must be my lucky day, I don't have an annoying resident and my intern has photographic memory, so I might have my questions answered in the OR"

"Hi doctor Grey" said Liz joining them

"Hi" answered both doctors letting Liz with a puzzled face

"This is little Grey" said Mark pointing Lexie to Liz "Sister of the great and good Grey"

"Oh, so definitely surgery is in the Ellis Grey's blood" said Liz sympathetically

"Oh, no, we don't have the same mother, only the same father" rambled Meredith

Liz felt embarrassed and just nodded.

"So, Meredith, you will stay with Liz today and Little Grey will check my patients with me. At the end of the afternoon I have a face reconstruction and the three of you can scrub in" said Mark motioning to leave

"There is something wrong, Mark Sloan doesn't compliment people for nothing and he definitely is not this fine" said Meredith

"There is nothing wrong, probably just the good sex he got last night, probably the whole night." said Liz smirking

"Lil' Grey, are you coming or not? I didn't have my cappuccino yet, go!" he said and the three women laughed "Maybe the sex wasn't this good after all" said Liz smirking harder

"So, you can go and wait for me in the room 3452, I'm going to check on my brother. I'll be there in few minutes. Just go ahead and check if Mr. Simon is recovering fine" said Liz

"How… how… is him?" Meredith asked unsure

"He is fine. It was just a nose surgery after the car accident he had yesterday but his brain seems fine" said Liz

"I mean… Derek" said Meredith shyly

"Ohh. He is still hurt but it is getting better, I'm convincing him to start dating. I need him to start dating I can't stand my mother pressure for another grandchild, Derek is older, he needs to start over and get a family. I can't even imagine me having kids yet" said Liz

"This is all he want, isn't?" asked Meredith

"Yeah, he always wanted children but Addie always said it wasn't a good time" said Liz

"He is that guy. That perfect McDreamy guy, I wish him to finally get it, he deserves" said Meredith contemplatively

"He does" followed Liz with the same expression

"Well, I'm going check on Mr…."

"Simon" said Liz "3452"

"Right" said Meredith leaving

* * *

"So, little Grey, what can we do to help Mrs. Singer discomfort?" asked Sloan in one of his patients' room

Lexie explained the post-op procedures of a gastric bypass surgery exactly like in the books really impressing Sloan who didn't witness yet her performance

"Impressive, Little Grey" he said as they left Mrs. Singers room

"Thank you, Dr Sloan" she said blushed

They were heading to the next patient room when George crossed their way letting Lexie uncomfortable and sad. It didn't escape Mark's eyes that couldn't help "I really don't know what you women see in him"

"He broke up with me yesterday" said Lexie, her head down

"This guy is an ass" babbled Mark shaking his head "And you are pathetic, Little Grey" he said leading to his next patient

* * *

"My almost family is moving out to North Carolina" said Meredith as she met Alex in the hallway

"When they leave?" asked Alex not finding anything else to say. Though he was very good to talk to Meredith about them he was still the same Alex when it comes to everyone else

"Soon I think, Lexie didn't tell. She will be the only to stay at Seattle"

"Good for Georgie"

"They broke up"

"Better for Lexie"

"Alex!" cried out Meredith "She likes him, she is hurt"

"They said I love you after three weeks together, Mer, sure it wouldn't last"

"So did I and you did even before we were together" she pointed

"It is different"

"Really? Why?" she asked

"I always had a thing for you, since day one"

"You did? That's cute" she teased him

"I probably started having feeling for you way before I knew about it" he completed

"Okay, so this is different for you, what about me? I told you I love you after one month and a half together and four months after I said this to someone else" she said

"But this is not your fault" he said

"Why?"

"The kiss, I knew you wouldn't resist the best kiss of you life" he said and she smacked him "Cocky"

"I put all my feelings in that kiss in the driveway I thought if I did I would have a chance to get you to love me too. It worked" he said with an honest grin in his face

"So you planned that?" she as asked looking tenderly to him

"No, but after you kissed me in the movies I needed to feel your sweet lips again, just like I need it now" he said pulling her into an on call room and kissing her softly

She moaned under his lips. _He so is the best kiss I ever had_

"I want you, Mer. I want you now" he said kissing her neck

"I want you too, Lex" she said

She wrapped her legs around his waist and he slowly laid her in the bed not leaving her lips for one moment. He stroked her hair off her face and looked into her deep green eyes. He was mesmerized by her eyes, pleading him to make love to her. Softly he took off her scrub shirt and also his. Positioning each of his legs by her side he kneeled and laid his head to kiss her breast and stomach. Her skin was so soft that he would only kiss her all day long but her moans said him how much she wanted to feel him inside of her. Burying his head on her hands she felt waves of pleasure running all over her body. Alex knew exactly which spots turned on her arousal. Desperately wanting to feel all pleasure their bodies could stand she brought his lips over to hers "Oh Alex, kiss me" she said and he promptly obeyed kissing her with all passion he had for her. The hot and deep kisses they shared just put more fire in their bodies. Not standing to wait anymore Alex moved his hands to her hips and slipped her scrub pants off. Also getting rid of his remaining clothes he spread her legs and slowly laid down over her. Feeling her warm folders made him shivered. She was perfect, her body was like a master piece done precisely for him to reside his body and soul. The pleasure he felt making love to her was only compared to love he had for her and the highest expression of said love changed his life. Their bodies in a perfect junction merged into one. Slow thrusts, faster thrusts and they felt their love shed into the body of the one they loved.

"Oh, God, Alex" Meredith exclaimed after her orgasm "This was… oh… I love you Alex"

"I love you too babe, making love to you is like being closest to heaven, I'm sure there isn't way to get closer" he said stroking her hair again

"Come on here" she said offering her chest for him to rest. He laid and she kissed his head thinking about how amazing was to make love to him. She had all kind of sex of her life and she met some very good men in bed but there was something special about the way Alex did it. She never liked to use the expression _make love_ but it didn't felt right to use another word to refer to what she and Alex make. Caressing his hair she felt his breath turning slow and she knew he was sleeping already. In that moment Meredith knew she had everything she needed in life.

_

* * *

_

Somewhere in Between is a Lifehouse song

A/N: I needed a moment like this before letting her knows his plans. This fic can't be rated M for nothing ;) let me know what you thought because I wanted to write they making love in a different way :)


	27. You Are All I Want

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 27**

**You Are All I Want**

* * *

The moment has come, Alex couldn't avoid it anymore. It was almost Saturday night and he was planning with his mother how they will handle to move the remaining things of Sarah and Alice that were in Meredith's house.

"Mom" he asked unsure

Knowing her son as nobody else, Alice knew he was fighting something inside and she looked to him as tender as she could "Yes"

"I need help" he quietly said

"What is it, son?" she asked sitting at his bed

"I love Meredith, mom, I really do, but I'm not ready mom, not yet, I'm not that man yet. I've fought against all kind of instinct and against myself to make this work and I made some mistakes but I can't lose what I have with her and if I don't make things right I might lose her" he said sat by his mother side

"You are not ready to be the guy that lives with his girlfriend, you are not ready to be like married to someone?" she asked

"Yeah" he sighed

"Everything is different now Alex, you are not on your own, you family is moving to Seattle and it is natural for you to live with them. You don't need to be here if you not ready to be this man"

"But I want mom, there is nothing I want more than to be this man to her. I feel stuck. Stuck in this relationship that works so well for us. I don't know, I'm afraid of taking next steps and scare her. She is damaged mom, everyone in her life hurt and abandoned her and I don't want to be like them but I don't know what she wants. I'm afraid to make this relationship more serious and lose her" he said, his eyes teary

"You are just the same, Lex, maybe you didn't realize but you two are reflections of each other. You are also damaged, you were also hurt and you also lost people you cared" Alice said caressing her son head

"What do I do, mom?" he asked laying his head on her lap like he used to do long years ago

"Think that she might feel the way you feel, son. Think that your fears are her fears also and that what you want is probably what she wants" Alice said

"I want her to marry me, mom, not now because I can't even live in the same house as her but someday, I want her to marry me but I'm not sure she wants the same. What if I propose and she runs? I've seen her in a relationship before. She runs from commitment." He said

"Well, when you say to her you want to move out you will have your answer. If she shows she is only hurt and will only miss you around then you are probably right, she isn't ready for commitment but it doesn't mean she won't ever be. But if you tell her and you see her world fell, that she lost her ground so it means she is willing the same you are and you will only have to wait for both of you to be ready"

"And how do I do it without hurting her?"

"There isn't such possibility, Lex, she will be hurt, you will be hurt but if you feel like this is a needed step to assure you will have the future you want with her, you will have to make it anyway"

"I don't know which words to say" he confessed defeated

"If you use exactly the same you just told me and what else comes from your heart the moment you look into her eyes, I'm sure it will be okay."

"Do you think?" he asked

"I do. You can do it son, you are such a great man and I see, by the way Meredith looks to you, that she knows exactly who you are"

"_Lex?"_ they heard Meredith calling downstairs

"I'm going to talk to her now" he said standing up

"One more advice?" Alice offered and he nodded "Don't talk here, take her to somewhere private and that you know she likes. It is a big decision for you guys, you can't be distracted by Sarah calling you out or her friends coming"

"Thank you mom, you are the best" he said kissing Alice's forehead

* * *

"Here" he called from the bedroom door walking to the stairs

"Hey" she said kissing him softly

"Sorry I couldn't wait for you or come back pick you up, I was helping mom to box their stuff"

"It's okay"

"Hungry? Tired?" he asked

"Not much" she answered

"So what about we take a shower and I get you on a date?" he asked

"Hmm, a date?" she asked with a mischievous look

"Not this kind of date. I want to talk to you, something important. We could go to a quiet and private place, take a walk or eat something, destination is up to you" he said

"Talk? Which kind of talk requires a quiet and private date?"

"One that starts with I love you and ends with the same, no buts included" he said kissing her

"Alex…" she said

"What, babe?" he asked feeling her body tensed on his arms

"Does it involve rings? I mean, are you bringing up rings to this quiet and private date?" she asked very uncomfortable

Realizing her reaction by the possibility of his proposal already gave him half answer to what he needed to know. She was really scary of commitment and it broke his heart a bit

"No, Meredith, you don't need to lose your breath, I'm not proposing. Far from it" he said trying to hide his disappointment

"Okay" she said also trying to hide her disappointment. She tensed not because she was scary. Well, she was scary, but not scary of commitment, she wanted commitment, she thought for one second that if he was willing to propose her and have a conventional marriage maybe there will hope for them to have a family together and the thought of this suddenly scared her because she didn't feel ready for it yet.

"Shower together?" he asked bringing her back from her thoughts

"I like this idea" she said and both entered their room

* * *

"Lex, Mer. Dinner is ready" called Sarah downstairs

Meredith and Alex entered the kitchen few minutes later "We are not having dinner at home" said Alex winking to his mother

"Finally. We've been here for a month and a half and you never took Meredith out. Way to go big brother" said Sarah smirking

"Shut up" he said embarrassed

"We should be going otherwise we won't find any place to eat. See you later guys" he said and both left

"So where are we going?" she asked

"I thought to eat something in the Pioneer and take a walk, what do you think?"

"I thought you said somewhere quiet, Pioneer square is not quiet at night"

"We can walk in the pergola or go to the Waterfall" He said

"You know everything there closed by 5, don't you?"

"We eat in one of the restaurants and walk and seat somewhere, we figure out" he said as they entered his car

"Okay" she answered almost not able to control herself. She was curious to know what he wanted to talk to her but she knew he wouldn't give up and say something

* * *

They eat in one of the Italian places at Pioneer Square and about 8:30 they left for a walk. Alex avoided the subject the whole dinner and they basically talked and laughed about hospital gossip that for once wasn't about their lives. In fact people got used to their relationship and they were old news.

They walked through the pergola and looking for a quiet place in the heart of Seattle nightlife. They finally found a place with benches and tables close the Occidental Park and sat on a bench

"It is a beautiful night" he said uncomfortable

"What is it, Lex?" asked Meredith looking in the eye of her boyfriend

"We need to talk, Mer"

"So you say"

"I love you" he said

"I love you too, Lex" she said squeezing his hand feeling it was a hard moment for him

"I don't want what we have to end, never"

All jitter Meredith was holding since he told they needed to talk hit her in that moment. _Why is he talking about ends? Does he want to take a break? Does he want time and space? Does he want to breaking up?_

Looking down to her sweater she played nervously with its hem as Alex also looked down seeking for the words he used before with his mother, trying to remember her advices.

"This relationship thing is not easy for me, Meredith. Sometimes I have to fight against my character to be a better boyfriend and I know I failed sometimes and I am about to fail you again but you need to know that I love you" he said

"You said no 'buts'" she whispered

"What?" he asked confused

"You said earlier this conversation would start and end with I love you and there would have no buts in the between"

"And there isn't. I'm not doing something to hurt you or saying that what we felt is not enough. It is more than enough Mer, it makes me a better man and I like this new man. These fights I told you I have against myself they make me better, better for you, better for my family, better for me"

"So what is it, Alex? Spill it out, no anesthesia, you are letting me nervous" she said looking for him for the first time since he started talking

"No anesthesia? Right" he said clearing his throat "I'm not ready, Meredith, to be the guy living with his girlfriend. My family lives here now and if we are still together I will be the guy sorta married, living with his girlfriend. We are not roommates, not anymore, and after mom and Sarah leave we will live as this couple for the first time, because first I was injured and we didn't have sex for a month, two weeks passed and Sarah and mom came in and now a month and a half passed and they are leaving. Then it will be only you and me, Meredith" he said caressing her cheek "I don't want anything to risk what we have and maybe if I stay I will screw up and I can't lose you"

"So you want to move out? With your family?" she asked

"Yes" he said, his eyes showing his broken heart

"We are not breaking up and giving time and space?"

"No"

"Okay" she said using all her strength to hold the tears that were filling her eyes

"Okay?" he asked not believing on what she said

"Yeah. I feel the same. We are moving too fast and we will probably screw up everything. It is too much to live together"

"You are not hurt?"

"No" she lied

"I love you"

"I love you too" she said

* * *

They came back at her house and he started to pack his things. Sarah was really happy that her brother will move in with them. Meredith helped him packing and every now and then she wiped off her tears without him notice but not escaping from Alice.

"You know I can sleepover sometimes" he said when they entered their bedroom soon to be only her bedroom again

"Sure" she said lacking of enthusiasm

"Are you sure are you okay about it, Mer?" he asked tensed

"It is not like I'm celebrating it Alex, you are moving out, I'll miss you, but it is for the best" she told him showing partially her feelings for the first time

"We can still go work together, I want to catch you up every morning, it is only 10 minutes away from my mother's house" he said

"Your house" she corrected him

"No, my mother's house, I don't have any house and when I'll have it will be ours" he said testing her to see her reaction

"I was thinking about inviting Lexie to move in. What do you think?" she asked ignoring his comment

"Good, you won't be alone" he simple answered though he was disappointed

"Yes, I'll talk to her tomorrow"

"I'll miss you" he said pulling her to his lap. He stroked her hair behind her ear and looked to her green eyes contemplating her beauty

"I'll miss you too" she said, her eyes teary

"Do you understand that I'm not leaving you? That I'm thinking about our future?" he asked still looking in her eyes

She only nodded because she was close to breakdown

"I want a future with you, Mer and even if takes 1, 5, 10, 20 or 30 years for us to have our house again because this is what I want unless you don't want me to ever come back"

Inside Meredith was screaming him to do not leave her. She was trying to be strong because she knew he was doing the right move and though it was hardly painful, it has to be done but she couldn't feel different. She felt like a piece of her heart, a large piece of her heart was taken out of her chest

Seeing her emotional battle Alex took her close and embraced her, caressing her hair "Do you want it, Mer? Do you want a future with me? Do you want us to have a future together?" he murmured in her ear

She pushed away herself from him and looking into his brown eyes she broke "I don't want a future with you Lex, I want a present, I want you, I need you, please don't leave me" she cried falling on his arms, sobbing hardly

"Oh, Mer, shhh, I'm here baby, I'm not leaving you, I won't ever leave you. But we need to grow, we need to put our act together to make it work. Do you want to risk what we have? Now that everything is settled down we are going to start a serious relationship and I want to be ready for it, I don't want to screw up with you"

"I know" she said sobbing

"Don't… don't break my heart, honey" he babbled not holding his tears "Please, I can't see you like this" he said laying in their bed and bringing her over his chest

Holding each other they cried. Looking for their future they didn't notice the big step they took towards maturity. They were sacrificing the most important thing of their lives to guarantee a life together. Some minutes later their tears dried and they fell asleep. Together they fought, together they suffered, together they succeeded. Together.

* * *

_You Are All I Want is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: I want to thanks **McMackenzie, **my lone reviewer, for always reviewing it :). I feel like I'm going in the right direction when you like it ;)_

_So this is one of my favorite chapters because I see real and strong progress in their relationship. They've been together for three months like it was just a cool relationship. Each developing deep feelings towards the other but also very scary of the dimension of their feelings and about their futures. I've been trying to show what is deep inside of their broken, damaged, dark and twisted souls. Because I do think that the more people are hurt bigger are their dreams to a bright life. These dreams hardly repressed by their fears to be hurt again are their safest secret but when love comes around, it assures them until the point these fears start to go away. All they need is trust and this Mer and Alex have._

_As I told you in one of the past A/N there will be a jump in the timeline. When we get back it will be Lexie's internship exam which means about 6 months ahead of where we are in this ch and we will see that though Meredith and Alex are taking serious steps towards their dreams, they are totally blind about it._


	28. Days Go By

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 28**

**Days Go By**

* * *

"A patient comes to ER with chest pain for the past hour. The doctors start CPR and the patient is on oxygen mask. Which IV medication should be taken?" asked Izzie

"1mg of epinephrine and 40U of vasopressin" Lexie says cutting her nails

"It will likely be found Chvostek sign and Kussmaul breathing in patients that present?" asked Meredith joining the two doctors in the living room

"6.95pH" said Lexie painting her nails

"21 years man comes to ER conscious after falling from a motorcycle. Paramedics relate he was unconscious in the scene. He is speaking but doesn't remember of what happened. There is no focal neurological deficit. Possible diagnosis?"

"This is very easy, Mer, make it harder, he has a concussion"

"Why are we quizzing you in the first place?" asked Izzie leaving to the kitchen "You photographed every freaking page of the books" she yelled going to check her muffins

"She is right, Lexie, you are gonna do your intern exam with your eyes closed" said Meredith looking to her sister doing manicure

"I know, but I nervous, what if I freeze?" asked Lexie

"Did you ever freeze?"

"No, but I never did it. George failed"

"George didn't study enough he was worried about sleeping with Izzie while he was still married and with me" murmured Mer the last part

"I'm gonna make, I'm gonna make it" repeated Lexie to herself. She was trying to release her mind doing her manicure but it wasn't helping. She would do the intern test that afternoon and though Izzie was right she felt like memorizing all books she read wasn't enough

"Get it. Cookies help" said Izzie giving her a Ziploc with some cookies and blowing the muffin she had on her other hand

"Let's go, you are gonna be late and so do I, I just came to get you because I knew you couldn't drive" said Meredith standing up and stealing Izzie's muffin

"Hey, this is mine" cried Izzie

"You are off today, get yourself another. Please buy me tampons, I'm out and I don't have time to go today." said Meredith to her roommate

"Didn't you stop to buy it last week during your period?" asked Izzie confused

"Yeah, but the line was too large and I didn't buy" said Meredith

"But your period wasn't last week?"

"Please Iz, buy me otherwise you will wash my bloody panties" said Meredith grabbing her purse and leaving

"See you, Iz, wish me luck" said Lexie following her sister

"Good luck, lucky" said Izzie walking to the kitchen to get another muffin

* * *

"I wish I would never move out" said Lexie eating the cookies while Meredith drove

"You love living with Iz, don't you? I don't know why you aren't an elephant, you eat more than Alex!" said Meredith smirking

"Well I did gained some pounds in the first four months we lived together" protested Lexie

"Yeah, one pound you mean"

"Two pounds in fact"

"Shut up" Meredith smirked

"Says the fattest person in the world" said Lexie getting her third cookie

Some minutes later they finally arrived at SGH and it was fifteen minutes to 2pm when her intern test will start

"Good luck and remember you are an excellent doctor that knows all the answers, okay? Follow your intuition" said Meredith giving her sister a brief hug

"Thanks, Mer" Lexie said leaving to the second floor where she will take the test

"I missed you on lunch" came a voice behind her

"I missed you too but I knew Lexie wouldn't drive by herself. She is freaking outthough she knows all the answers" said Meredith turning to see her boyfriend who softly kissed her

"Today is our last day, I can't believe we are taking a three weeks vacation" he said as they moved to take the elevator to the fifth floor

"Don't tell me, all I want is to spend the next three weeks on bed" she said

"What about our trip? Mexico, remember?" he asked

"I feel like there are two thousand anvils on my shoulders Lex, I don't think I could go to Canada"

"Well, after three days you will get insane then I'll book our tickets, it must be your PMS though I thought your period was due last week"

"Yeah" she said as they arrived in the elevators

They entered the elevator and in the second floor Sloan joined them

"How is little Grey?" asked Mark smirking "Did she also let you crazy this week?"

"You don't say me" said Meredith looking very tired

"She will kick all that interns asses, especially O'Malley's" said Mark proudly

"Your girlfriend already got over him Mark, when will you do the same?" asked Meredith

"Never. I don't like the guy. Plus he is the most stupid guy I ever met. He got Torres and Little Grey and he couldn't stay with any" said Mark jealously

"You are so jealous, Mark Sloan" teased Alex

"You will be my resident very soon, Dr Karev so you better be quiet" when the elevator finally arrived the fifth floor

"I have to prepare my 2:30 patient, see you later, honey. Bye Sloan" said her kissing Alex cheek

"Is everything okay with Grey?" asked Sloan "She looks pale and tired"

"We are doctors, we are pale and tired" smirked Alex

"If you say" shrugged Mark and they headed to his patients rooms

* * *

"Are you okay?" asked Cristina to Meredith as they both scrubbed out of Dr Shawn's heart surgery "You look crap and you were weird there"

"It is just cramps, it is nothing. Let's go, I want to meet Lexie and see how she did" said Meredith already leaving the scrub room

"So how it went?" asked Meredith joining her sister in the lobby

"I did it, Mer, I know I did" said her sister jumping on her in joy

"Don't even think" said Cristina as Lexie turned to her "Sure you did it, I'm your teacher"

"So what if we celebrate tonight at home?" asked Lexie "Only we, Alex, Mark and Owen" said Lexie

"I don't know Lexie, I'm not feeling well today" said Meredith

"Come on, Mer, you only need Jose, it's Friday night" said Lexie referring Meredith's tequila

"That's true, Meredith, you are such a pain lately"

"Okay, are you going home now?" asked Meredith to Lexie

"Yes, do you need anything?" she asked back

"Call Izzie, let her know about the party and make sure she bought my tampons" said Meredith to her sister leaving

"I thought your period was last week" said Cristina

"Is my menstrual cycle in the bulletin board?" asked Meredith angrily

"Hey, I'm just commenting because it always comes to us in the same days and mine was last week"

"It was?" asked Meredith

"Yes, why didn't…" but before Cristina could finish their pages vibrated

"It is Mrs. Perry" Meredith cried and both ran to their just operated patient room

* * *

During all the time they tried performed CPR on Mrs. Perry Meredith tried to recount her period but the counting to bring the old lady back didn't let her focus in her accounts. Prioritizing her patient's life she decided to check on the notebook in her locker.

It took them a while but they finally got Janice back.

When Meredith was going to her locker she was called out on another emergency. She didn't stop one minute until her shift ended and she would finally check her period.

Getting the small notebook she counted over and over again the period between the red circles in the last three months. It couldn't be right. She was supposed to have her period on 11th and it was already 23rd. How could she not realize she was 12 days late? What if she was?

Storming in the locker room Alex cursed loudly interrupting her thoughts

"Pregnant. I lost a 24 year old pregnant patient. Her husband had to be sedated" he said taking off his surgery cap violently

"I'm so sorry, honey" she said squeezing his arm

"I heard about a party at your house tonight" he said "I'm not in the mood"

"Tell me you heard from Cristina"

"As a matter of fact, of Sloan, Lexie texted him about it"

"I'm not in the mood either, maybe we should go to your place instead"

"What about Lexie? She will be upset"

"We just stop by, I pick some clothes and we go to your house"

"Okay" he said

* * *

"You are no fun, Grey" said Mark after Meredith turn down a drink

"I don't want to start my vacation with a hangover Mark, plus my stomach is already killing me"

"We should go, babe" said Alex after less than one hour since they arrived

"Yeah"

Meredith said bye to anyone and on her way in the driveway a hard dizziness hit her. If Alex wasn't just behind her she would fall but he was quick and grabbed her

"Meredith, are you okay?" asked him to his pale girlfriend

"Just hold me, Lex" she murmured softly

Alex immediately scooped her and motioned to get back inside the house "No, please, take meto the car, I don't want anyone to be worried about me, it is getting better" she asked him

"You are pale, Meredith, tell me everything you are feeling" he said walking to his car

"I'm just dizzy, it is nothing, let's go home and sleep" she said calling his house home

In the past six months a lot of things changed on SGH but not that much to Alex and Meredith, calling each other's house _home_ was the typical progress they've made. Cristina started to date a new doctor that soon turned SGH head of trauma and Mark andLexie were together. Callie was alone and having fun. She had been depressed over a month after she signed theannulment paper but she was fine now. She was seeing this guy Craig that seemed just perfect for her, no strings attached. Izzie moved in two weeks after Lexie and since then the three of them were living together. George was a little bit distant but every now and then they hanged out at Joe's.

Derek tried but he couldn't date. He wasn't waiting for Meredith anymore, he knew she was with Alex and that was unlike to change but he felt he really needed to bealone for awhile. With Liz living at Seattle it was much easier and though he still missed Meredith, hefelt better.

Though everyone's life seemed to change, Alex and Meredith relationship moved on turtle's baby steps. It was very difficult to adapt living on separated houses but they eventually did it. Alex slept most of nights at her house anyways and as he promised, he came to take her to work everyday, even when he hada day off. She rarely slept on his house though. Future was stillan inexistentsubject intheir conversations. They were still the careless couple of six months back except that they were much deeper involved and attached to each other. As days, weeks, months passed they were more connected. He finished her phrases and she read his thoughts. They rarely discussed because they didn't talk in the first place. Inside both were just afraid of the other reaction. They had this functional relationship against all odds but both didn't dare to change a thing and risk to lose everything they got together. In the few moments they talked about future shementioned what they would do about Lexie and Izzie when he comes back to the house as he said it will be hard to leave her working at SGH to open his plastics practice.

But ione night it was different.Molly and Laura came about one month ago to visit her sistersand Meredith didn't hide her pleasure to have her niece around. One of the nights they were all together in the living room, Alex, Lexie, Molly and Izzie sat in the couch and Meredith laid on her back in the floor with Laura. The eighteen months was sat on Meredith' stomach as Meredith watched TV with the others and eventually said intelligible words to Laura. Laura loved Meredith and didn't let her aunt go forone singlemoment. Lexie was jealous and didn't hide it, pretending to be crying in face of Laura's despise but the little baby didn't care.

"_She adores you, Mer" said Molly_

"_Do you think?" asked Meredith looking to the adorable girl_

"_I'm sure, she is nice to everyone but not this nice" said __Molly smirking_

"_Meredith loves children I think this is why they love her"_

"_Says who?' said Meredith embarrassed for Alex being in the room with them_

"_Since she started her residency she goes to maternity swing and watches the babies in the nursery. Every now and then I spot her there" said Izzie_

"_I've seen it either" said Lexie_

"_They are cute" said Meredith blushed_

"_I see how she is always careful and lovely to her children patients" said Izzie_

"_You would make a good mother, Mer, don't you think Alex?" said Molly looking Meredith caressing Laura's hair_

_Alex, that had been silent during the whole conversation observing his girlfriend moves with Laura, was surprised by Molly's comment and question. He didn't know what to say and for some seconds Meredith avoided __contact with him. Feeling he didn't move his eyes from her for one moment she surrendered and look to him_

"_I do" he said looking tenderly to his girlfriend_

"_Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam" yelled Laura seeing the blonde actress on TV. Everyone else looked to __the TV and to Laura, they werelaughing on the little one recognizing the character but Alex and Meredith eyes were locked. Since he answered Molly they were mesmerized only being interrupted by Laura slapping Meredith "Sam, Sam"_

_Turning back her attention to her adorable niece, Meredith talked to her and watched Sam on TV and a less than a minute later she peeked on Alex and saw a satisfaction grin on his face as he looked to the TV clearing not paying attention in the show._

Since that night they felt closer. Maybe everyone else in the room expected Alex to agree effusively with Molly but for Meredith his _I do_ meant it all. For Alex watching his girlfriend attachment to her niece and learning that she had always like children gave him hope that eventually they would make their family. Maybe within ten years by the pace they moved but it didn't matter because Meredith was worth to wait.

* * *

They arrived at his place and headed straight to his room. He commented to Sarah and Alice that Meredith wasn't okay and that they will sleep.

It was a quiet night and Meredith seemed to be recovered by her rest. They woke up and Alice and Sarah were already gone.

"Morning, beautiful" he said the words he often uses to wake up her

"Morning" she babbled

"Feeling any better?" he asked kissing her forehead

"Yeah" she said sitting in the bed

"Today is Saturday, mom and Sarah are not home you can beon bed longer if you want"

"I'm fine and hungry" said her rubbing her eyes

"So let's have breakfast" he said jumping out of the bed

She motioned to follow him but by the moment she stood upa dizziness, lighter than the one last night, hit her again and she sat back in the bed

"Are you okay?" he asked looking very concerned to his girlfriend

"I'm fine, probably weak because I didn't eat anything consistent last night"

"Are you sure?" he asked knowing she was an avoider after all

"Let's eat and I will get better" she said standing up slowly and finally keeping her balance

They walked downstairs and Meredith said she wanted some bacon. The moment Alex put the smoked meat in the frying pan and smell of fried bacon infested the house. Holding up for less than one minute, a wave of nauseas hit Meredith and she barely made her way until the bin in the corner of the kitchen empting her few stomach contents.

"Meredith, you will say me right now everything you are feeling otherwise we are leaving to Grace to run all sort of labs" he told angrily

Meredith looked to her boyfriend. A mix of anger and concernin his eyes. There wasn'ta way he wouldn't find out it very soon and she preferred to face it at once and deal with the consequences then postpone it.

"I'm late. Thirteen days late" she said looking straight to his eyes "I think I'm pregnant, Alex"

* * *

_Days Go By is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: I have it already done on my mind, so give it a shot before you run to conclusions. I promise it won't turn into the boring, cheesy, repetitive pregnancy story. I have something totally different on my mind that I will reveal in the next chapter. Stick around._


	29. We'll Never Know

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 29**

**We'll Never Know**

* * *

Alex helped Meredith to sit down in one of the chairs. He looked to her chocked by her confession. She tried to read his emotions but she couldn't. She didn't have a clue in fact.

"Say something" she murmured looking to her hands

"How can you be thirteen days late and only say me today?" he asked softly but also showing a bit of annoyance

"I didn't realize. I never get late and we are always careful I didn't realize until yesterday. I knew I was about to have my period but I didn't notice it passed until Cristina said she gets it with me and hers came last week. I was stressed and helping Lexie and tired. I know I'm pathetic" she said her tears ducts starting to flood her eyes

"Okay" he simply said trying to process the rush of things running through his mind.

"Alex, the bacon" said Meredith smelling the smoke coming from his pan

Alex quickly got rid of the bacon and turned back to her

"Do you think you can eat something? Something lighter maybe, more healthy?" he asked "You are pale and probably weak"

"Maybe cereal" she said quietly

"What about cookies and milk? Sounds a bit juicy" he said knowing she wasn't fond of cereal

"Sounds good" she said as he took the pot and placed it in front of her and took the milk in the fridge

"What about you?" she asked taking a cookie

"I'll eat with you" he said and took him a cookie forcing a smile

They ate quietly and silently. Meredith didn't took more than three of the small cookies his mother done the day before as Alex seemed to be able to eat about all 30 cookies remaining in the pot

It seemed like her confession minutes ago was erased of both minds. They totally ignored it and each other thought about what a pregnancy would mean to their lives. Their thoughts didn't differ so much. They basically thought they couldn't make it but though this feeling was strong it wasn't stronger than the hope growing inside. They both wanted a family and each knew inside that his love and her love was enough.

"Maybe you should get some rest" he said

"I just woke up" she refuted

"I know…" he said trying to complete his statement "But it is good to rest"

"Maybe watch some TV?" she suggested

"Sounds good" he said taking their both glasses and placing in the sink

"Help?" he asked on her motion to stand up. She only shook her head and walked to the living room direction, followed closely by him

* * *

As expected there wasn't anything bearable in the middle of a Saturday morning. They pretended to watch TV for about an hour, every now and then skipping channels. Few words were exchanged during the long minutes

"Maybe I should come back to my house. Soon your mother and Sarah will arrive and there is nobody home. Lexie is in the hospital and Izzie probably already left to spend some days with her mother" she said shyly

"Sure" he said standing up "I'm gonna take my keys and change. You don't need to change, I'll drive, stay on your pajamas" he said kissing her forehead "I'm also cleaning the vomit in the kitchen"

"Okay"

Cleaning the mess in the kitchen all Alex could think was about her words an hour ago. What if she was really pregnant? It means he will be a dad. The thought disturbed Alex deeply. He was not ready to be a dad and he wasn't sure if he will ever be ready or if it was on his plans. Anyway it wasn't something he could think about now. It has came reality and whether it was a plan or not, now they will have to face it.

Alex took several minutes to clean up everything and get ready. He quickly took a shower and about half hour later they were going to her house.

* * *

There was a dying silent in the whole way to Meredith's place but it didn't bother them. None judged each other reaction because they knew each other and they reacted basically the same: avoiding it.

"What do you want to do?" he asked as they entered her house

"I'm… I will… read a book I bought the other week" she rambled

"Are you hungry?" he asked

"Yeah" she said

"I'll make us anything to eat though. Do you think you would eat chicken salad?"

"Yeah" she repeated as he nodded and left to the kitchen

She got her book but she couldn't concentrate on her reading. All she could do is think about the life she was carrying. She had thought about this moment for many times in her life but now it was happening and she was afraid. She always thought she wanted to be a mother but she never had really figured out if she was able to be a mom. She had a terrible relationship with her own mom and the best she knew about mothering was the few days Susan was around and the month Alice lived with her and Alex. But now she was going to learn it somehow, she had too.

Alex entered the room holding two bowls

"Thanks" she said when he gave her one of the bowls and a fork

"I made a mild sauce. I think it won't mess up your stomach"

"It is delicious" she said eating her salad

Again silent made its presence. No words were said, no remarks were done.

"I'm going to take a nap" she said

"I'll go with you" he said following his girlfriend

He stood up first and waited to follow her. When she stood up a new dizziness hit her and he immediately tossed his bowl in the couch and moved to help her. Instinctually he placed one hand on her back and the other on her stomach. Meredith felt the small, almost inexistent, caress on her flat belly.

"Sit again" he asked her softly "I will take our bowls to kitchen and we'll go upstairs"

She only nodded as he left to kitchen.

* * *

Few seconds he was back by her side "Now stand up very slow" he said helping her

"Dizzy?" he asked and she shook her head "Good, let's go" he said walking slow, one of his hand on her back and the other holding her hand

They finally entered her bedroom and he quickly stepped up in front of her getting the pillows piled for her to rest

"Sit here and stretch your legs" he said

He helped her to sit down and to find a comfortable position eventually removing one of the pillows behind off of her back

Sitting by her side he moved his hand over her stomach, this time his caress more evident and longer. She moved her hand over to his and in that moment their eyes locked. They couldn't pretend anymore that nothing happened especially because they knew there wasn't anything else on their minds.

Alex slipped her pajama shirt up and moved his hand to her bare skin. Her stomach looked exactly like in any ordinary day but that Saturday it was completely different.

"So…" he started

"Yeah" she sighed

"Did you get a test?" he asked

"No"

"Do you want me to get you one?" he asked not able to remove his hand off her stomach

"Later, we can do it later, we don't have anything else to do in the next three weeks" she said

"What do you want to do?" he asked mesmerized by the feeling of touching her pregnant belly

"I don't know, we just had lunch, I'm not feeling up to do anything else but stay in bed"

"So bed it is. Do you want me to get your book?" he asked finally letting his hand go off of her

"I can't concentrate" she honestly said

"Already thinking about the nursery?" he teased bringing her head to his chest

"Of course not" she said smirking slightly

"So how is this going to be?" he asked

"I don't know" she said "I've never been pregnant, especially during my residency" she said lowing her voice in the last part

"Do you want to be a mother?"

"I do. I think deep inside I've always wanted. I don't know, maybe I wanted to prove that it is possible to be a surgeon and a mother" she confessed

He kissed her forehead "You will make a great mom"

For some minutes he thought about what she said. She wanted to prove that she could make it despite the failure of her own mother. Maybe she was right. Maybe they could do it despite their parents. He could be a good father regardless of his own father. He could prove that he was able not only to have a successful marriage but also a happy family

"I never thought about it, you know" he said

"About a baby?" she asked

"Yeah, I always thought I wasn't father material" he confessed

"We are not defined by our parents, Lex" she said rubbing circles on his chest

"We can be, Mer" he said

"You weren't"

"How can you be so sure about it?" he asked

"Because you are a good son, a good brother and a perfect boyfriend"

"I am not" he said not believing her

"Yes, you are. You brought me to the surface Lex. I used to be stuck on my dark place and you got me out of it. You made me believe that is possible for people like us to be happy despite our dark and twisted lives" she said looking in his eyes to give him all the assurance he needed

"So we will bring little dark, twisted, Evil Spawns to the world?" he asked with a grin on his face

"Yeah, a little Meredith or a little Alex"

"Maybe both, or two of you or two of me, you never know" he teased

"Shut up, it is already scaring to have a baby, I can't handle babies"

"Yes, you can, because you are this strong and wonderful woman that never let anything overcomes you"

"But let's focus in one, I have no idea how many weeks I am because I have no idea of the conception date but we will figure out soon if it is a boy or a girl"

"What would you prefer" he asked

"I don't know, I think I don't have any preference. Do you?' she asked

"I never thought about it but now I don't know, I'm becoming a dad, maybe I wanted a dad's little girl"

"A little girl" said Meredith wondering

"Just beautiful as her mother" he said stroking her bangs behind her ear

"How do you think she will look like?"

"She will be lucky to have your eyes and nose"

"Maybe she will have my curls but brown as yours and your mouth"

They were silent for some minutes thinking about their girl. Totally aware that it could be a boy they just imagined how it would like if it was a girl

"It may be premature and we may discuss it in the next seven or eight months but I like Alicia" he said

"I like it too, it is sweet"

"She could have your middle name" he suggested

"Alicia Lily, don't you think there is too much 'li' on it?"

"No, I think it is perfect. It is like she has part of my name and yours" he said

"It is perfect, screw the way it sounds" she giggled

"But it can be a boy still"

"It can be" she agreed

"Which boys' names you like?" he asked

"I don't know, I never thought about it. I guess I like Ryan, Gabriel but I definitely like your middle name" she said

"I like Josh as well"

"What about Noah Josh?" she asked

Alex body frozen and she felt his muscles tensing

"What is it, honey?"

"My brother, that's his name"

"Do you have a brother? I thought it was only you, Sarah and Joan, how do I never heard about him before?"

"He died five years ago, he was 17" he said, his eyes teary

"Oh, Alex, I'm sorry, I had no idea his name was Noah, seriously, I had no idea you had a brother" she rambled, desperate she brought painful memories to him

"It's okay babe, I just miss him, let's keep talking about boys' names" he quickly suggested

"Sure" she said trying to come out with a new name but she couldn't stop feeling sorry for him and for his family for everything they lived already

"What about Alexander?" she asked smiling to him

"Do you really like my name?" he asked

"It has a beautiful meaning and yeah I like it"

"How do you know what it means?"

"Lexie. She says you both had the same name, she said Alexandra means helper of mankind and that's why I couldn't get rid of her and that Alexander means great protector" she said

"Do I protect you?" he asked smiling to his girlfriend

"I never felt this safe" she smiled back softly kissing him

"I don't know, I don't want to have a Jr. Show your creativeness Grey" he mocked

"Arundel" she said

"Where did you hear it?" he asked

"This patient I had last week" she said smirking

"You must be kidding." He said

"Of course I am" she said

"Do you like Brian?"

"No, too bright" he said

"So come up with anything better" she said smacking his arm

"Jayden"

"No" she said

"Leo?" he asked

"I like Leo, but Leo Josh doesn't fit"

"What about Josh Leo?" he asked

"That is cute" she smirked

"I do like Jayden" he said thinking loudly

"We will think about it. Maybe it gets me eventually" she said

"Well, if you are a girl, you already have a name, sunshine" he said rubbing circles on Meredith' stomach "You will be Alicia Lily Grey-Karev and you will look exactly like your mother"

"Now if you are a boy, you already started to give us trouble, little man, we can't find a name for you, but we already love you" he completed

"We do" said Meredith also caressing her belly

"How do you feel?" he asked

"Very good to be honest"

"Me too" he says with a large grin on his face

They spent almost all afternoon in her bedroom babbling about their unborn child. It encouraged Alex to propose. Maybe he could do it now, who needed a ring? Meredith did, he thought better. She probably never expected him to propose to her and he thought she unlikely would turn him down carrying their child

"We should celebrate" he said

"We should" she said

"So I'll go home, take a shower. Pick a beautiful dress, I want to take you on somewhere fancy"

"You don't need to" she said

"Yes I do, because this is great and we need to celebrate properly, though you are not allowed to drink, miss, I'll pick you up at seven"

* * *

He left her house and headed straight to the jewelry store in the mall close to her house

"I want something simple, sweet maybe small but blowing mind beautiful" he said to the saleswoman

She showed him about 20 rings but none of them was what he wanted.

"Tell me about your future fiancée, Mr. Karev. I may help better if I know her personality, an engagement ring has to match her soul" said Kaitlyn

"She is smoking beautiful, she has these emerald, deep and sweet eyes that make you feel like you can drown yourself in their beauty, she says everything with her green eyes, they are like a window to her soul, they can touch everyone' soul." said Alex wondering the image of Meredith eyes making Kaitlyn touched by his own eyes in that moment of imagination

"She is fragile but strong, she is kind and she is endearing. She cares about everyone around her, because she has this great heart. She is smart and she is full of life, though she doesn't know that. And she is a doctor like me, probably the best resident I've seen" he said with a big grin proud of her

"And what make you believe she wants something simple and small? Because you just described a great woman"

"She doesn't wear any kind of jewel, she is not those fancy women over their heels. She is careless about her clothes. She doesn't like this stuff"

"You may be wrong, Mr. Karev. If I understood well your girlfriend is someone very special and the engagement ring has to match it. It doesn't really matter if she doesn't do jewel or fancy clothes, most of us don't, but it definitely should make her feel special as she is for you and what you just told was beautiful. I am sure you will write beautiful vows, Mr. Karev" said Kaitlyn

"I guess you are right" he told

"Let me show you a beautiful ring, I think you might like" she said leaving him to get it

When she came back she showed him a center two carat old European cut diamond with two bezel set round brilliant cut diamonds on each side of the center just as a delicate accent

"This is beautiful" he says

"Do you think it is special enough to your fiancée?" she asked

"It is perfect. This will be" said Alex

* * *

Alex left the store and hurried to his house. It was 6pm and he said he would meet her 7pm. He took a shower and wore his best suit taking the little black velvet box and putting it in his suit pocket.

"Hey" said Alex entering the front door of her house "Why are you not ready? Aren't you feeling well?" asked him joining her in the couch, protectively rubbing his hand on her back

"I think we don't have much to celebrate" said her handing him 6 negative pregnancy tests with a shaky voice

"Oh" he said, deeply disappointed, pressing the little box in the pocket of his suit

"We are doctors, we've should known better. Symptoms mean nothing" said Meredith

"We still need to find out what happened to you, Mer" he said worried about her physical and emotional condition

"Izzie's muffin. It caused me a food poisoning, she let a note in the kitchen before she left, something about whatever pasted due date, I found it and then I bought the tests"

"Anyway, we should go to the hospital" he said but there was no answer

Meredith was on her own world. Running. She felt like she was running, running, running. She didn't know to where neither from what or who, but she was running away.

"It was for the best" she said completely disappointed but trying her best to force a smile

"That's for sure" he said fighting the same battle

"I know…" she said with teary eyes "But why do I feel like I had the most perfect day of my life?" she said letting the first tear roll down her face

"Because it was" he said kissing his girlfriend and holding her tight as she sobbed on his embrace

* * *

_We'll Never Know is a Lifehouse song_

_A/N: This is the engagement ring he chose. I inserted some blank spaces because I think ff doesn't allow links. Just copy it on your browser and delete the blank spaces if you want to see it._

_ht tp: /i179 .photobucket. _

_I know this was sad, maybe mean, but I don't want the whole unexpected pregnancy story all over again, I already wrote it on Legends and I almost regret it. No Meralex babies, no engagement._

_This chapter was the hardest to write in this story, I even wrote first part of chapter 30 before it because I didn't know how to write such a disappointment to them. It may be a big deception to many of you because they were close to have it all and now they will be as farther as they have never been but I couldn't change my plans. And the next chapter is the last of this story and I already have a hole in my heart. I will miss it because I wrote this story for me more than anything else. I read it over, over and over again because I really like it and I will miss it. At least I will be able to read these 31 chapters every time I miss it. Thanks for being with me. Reviews may be welcomed._


	30. Whatever it Takes Part I

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 30**

**Whatever it Takes - Part I**

* * *

Alex and Meredith spent the three weeks of their vacation in Seattle. She didn't want to do anything. She was drowning on her sadness and it broke Alex's heart. He didn't want to push her because he knew better. It would only push her away. He thought that after getting back to work she would feel better but it slightly helped her. She had always shown a great bedside manner towards her patients but lately she just said what she really needed. She barely listened when they tried to make personal contact. She was cold, she was distant to anyone. There was no exception.

He was about to leave his house to Meredith's when he spotted Sarah sat in the living room staring nowhere. She felt his presence and turned to him

"Lex" Sarah said quietly from the couch

He felt the tense tone of her voice and sat in coffee table in front of his sister

"Today is my first day at college and I don't want to be haunted by that day anymore" she said looking in her brother brown eyes

"Here" she said giving him a small piece of paper "His name, he is a teacher in the Nursing School"

Alex paralyzed, a rush of adrenaline injected on his chest. His legs trembled. His blood boiled but he couldn't show it to Sarah to don't make her nervous. He breathed deeply and reached her hand taking the piece of paper carefully.

"Everything will be alright" he said kissing her forehead, taking his jacket and leaving

* * *

Alex didn't know what to do. He had to take Meredith to the hospital otherwise she will be late. He would probably have to talk to Callie because he wouldn't wait no longer to get that jerk in jail. He looked to the paper. _Martin Jordan. Martin Jordan. _He tried to remember if it was one of his friends but he didn't remember any Martin Jordan.

He dialed his credit card company on his way to Meredith's. "I need a ticket to Iowa City, today, first flight" he said to the attendant of his call

He gave her the information she needed to book him the ticket and said she will return to him as soon as she got a seat

Alex entered Meredith's house and called her that appeared in the stairs some minutes later. She didn't bother to answer him when he called her.

Since her non-pregnancy breakdown Meredith had been different. She was distant of Alex and no matter what he did he couldn't bring her closer. She avoided him exactly as she used to do to Derek, even worse in fact. The only person in addition to them that knew about what happened was Cristina. After they came back to work she told Cristina everything. That was the only time Meredith ever talked about it since it happened. Alex and Cristina tried to help her but she couldn't be reached.

"Lexie is finishing her shower" Meredith said coldly

"I'm going to Iowa this afternoon, maybe this morning if they find me a flight" he said

"Looking for a new hospital to finish your residency?" she asked guilty, she knew she had hurt him in the last weeks but there was nothing she could do about it. She knew it wasn't his fault they thought she was pregnant but somehow in her mind he was deeply connected to her shattered dream. It was like she had a miscarriage. She felt like she lost the little life though she never had it in the first place. Sadness consumed her heart a little bit more by day and she knew the day will come when he will leave her. No matter how she wanted to think that she could have her dreams, she knew it was only a big illusion.

"Meredith" he tried to keep his voice calm

"It is fine, it is not like we are going to last anyway"

"Meredith" he said with the same tone

"I am damaged goods, Alex. We tried, we did our best and it was great but it can't last, nothing in my life can last and you deserve better than me"

"I can't deal with you right now" he said turning to leave her house "Let them know I'm not going today and I don't know when I'm back" he said walking to her front door

It killed her she hurt him this way. There were million of reasons for him to go but she wanted to desperately find a reason for him to stay

Before walking through the door he turned back and said "You gotta let me inside even though it hurts. Meredith, don't hide the broken parts I need to see" he said looking deep in her eyes

"Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be. You gotta love yourself first if you can ever love me but I can't handle you now. I'm not leaving you Meredith, I'm going to Iowa to put the man that destroyed my family ten years ago. He rapped my sister, when she was barely fourteen years old. I found her naked lifeless body in the backyard of my friend house. She came to me, she asked me to go home because she wasn't enjoying the part but I told her I was having fun with a chick and she left. It was my fault, Meredith, so no, I don't get to handle you now that I know who he is, but I love you and Meredith I have faith on you, on us" he said storming out the house

* * *

Lexie who used to take a ride with them to the hospital ran downstairs with her purse in one hand and an apple in the other

"Did Alex leave?" she asked to Meredith who was still in the same position she was since he told her the truth about Sarah. She stared the door he just left, tears running down her face

"Are you okay?" said Lexie behind her not seeing her sister world falling "Meredith?" she said moving towards her. The moment she saw Meredith's broken look Lexie knew that something was very wrong

"What happened?" Lexie cried out "Where is Alex? Did you fight?" but Meredith didn't change her expression

"Meredith, talk to me!" she protested but she only got her sister to sob hardly

Slowly Meredith fell on her knees and lied in the floor, her tears quickly making a small pool around her eyes

"Hey, Dr Torres, it's me, Dr Grey" Lexie said, her hands trembling holding the phone "Meredith, she isn't feeling good… in fact she looks very bad… she is in no condition to work today. I'm going to be late… maybe I'm not going… because I need to help her, someone needs to help her" said Lexie rambling

"What happened, Lexie?" asked Callie in the other side of the line

"I don't know. Alex was here to catch us but something happened. He is not here anymore… I don't know what happened… she is in the floor… oh my God… Callie please, when Alex arrives there try to find out what happened… she is shattered"

"What that moron done now?" murmured Callie hanging up the phone

"Mer, talk to me" said Lexie stroking her bangs around her ear

* * *

Alex drove up to the airport. He checked all airlines for a ticket and the best he got was a noon ticket to Cedar Rapids. He looked for the farthest row of seats, he didn't want to talk to anyone. He needed to think. He waited for that moment for ten years and he needed to think exactly what he would do. _He deserves to die. A very painful death_. Though he didn't plan to kill Martin himself he didn't know what he would do the moment he put his eyes in the guy. He wanted to kill Thatcher for much less and he knew for sure he would kick his ass the moment he meet him. He buried his head in his hands and tried to focus. Maybe he could spy the guy and see where he lived and if he had a family, he could make justice with his own hands. Maybe he didn't need to go to the cops. He knew Iowa law was on of the mildest in the country. He clenched his fits letting his head goes off his hands. If Martin Jordan was in front of him in that moment Alex would hit him to the death with his own hands. A small voice inside of him told him to calm down but he couldn't. All the nights he cried and felt the weight of his guilt over his shoulders, all the nights he heard Sarah crying. The damage that night caused to his family was unfixable. There wasn't any price to pay or punishment enough to Martin Jordan.

Alex looked to his watch. It was still 8:25 he would have to wait for almost four hours to leave and he knew the most he thought about it, worse scenarios will come out of his mind. He needed to distract himself, so he headed to the main terminal of Sea-Tac.

* * *

About an hour had passed and Meredith didn't answer any of Lexie questions. She was in the same position, the pool of her tears couldn't dry because she didn't stop crying

"What happened?" asked Cristina storming in the house

"I don't know… she had been weird, you know… but this morning Alex had been here… and he left before taking us to work… she was frozen looking to the door… then she fell and started to sob… I don't know what happened" rambled Lexie

"Go" said Cristina sitting by Meredith' side

"But…" said Lexie "Go Lexie" yelled Cristina "The hospital can't be down four residents"

"Why four?" Lexie asked

"Alex never arrived, now go, I'll take care of her" said Cristina catching up Meredith's trembling body

"Look to me, Meredith" said Cristina softly

"I can't carry you up, so you need to move your ass and sit in the couch" said Cristina. She tried to be hard but her voice failed. She had never seen Meredith that way before. It was something that not even McDreamy was able to do. She knew the reason why Meredith was weird in the last days and it wasn't Alex's fault. They were together for almost one year and Cristina changed her mind about their relationship. Meredith was happy and it was enough for Cristina to give credit to Alex and credit to them. She grew to respect Alex and to support their relationship. But now looking to the pale and defeated frame in front of her made her question this. What could he have done? It couldn't be about her non-pregnancy. It was almost two months ago and though Meredith didn't seem to cope well she didn't expect a breakdown at this point. Meredith eyes were red and deprived of any expression. It worried Cristina because Meredith had very expressing eyes, for good or for bad.

"What did he do to you, Mer?" asked Cristina as she helped Meredith to sit in the couch, her friend still sobbing and crying hardly

"I broke him, Cristina" Meredith said lying her head on Cristina's shoulder

"He will forgive you, he loves you, Meredith, no matter what you do, he will forgive you"

"I wanted the baby, I wanted a family with him, Cristina" Meredith said, talking for the first time of her feelings over their non-pregnancy

"You can have a family, you can have a baby whenever you want, though I don't think it is a good idea" said Cristina

"And I pushed him away. I closed myself"

"Why?" asked Cristina trying to understand why Meredith closed herself not only to Alex but to everyone in the past seven weeks

"I wanted the baby" she said again "And I thought that Alex would never want a baby. I thought he would never want a family. He never talked about our future, he never shares any plan, he is Derek's opposite. It seems like he doesn't want anything else than this handy relationship" said Meredith

"You know it is not true" challenged Cristina

"I don't know, I really don't. He told that day was the best of his life and we picked names together but he told me he wasn't father material but I think he was only that good because we both thought I was pregnant. He never said anything else about having a family together. I don't know, I think he is relieved it was a false alarm" she concluded

"If he says it was the best day of his life he has said enough Mer" said Cristina

"But why he never said anything else about it?"

"Did you ever talk to him again since that day? Because you barely talk to everyone and I don't feel it is different with him"

"I couldn't talk to anyone, especially to him. He was relieved, Cristina, why should I talk to him about it if he was happy it never happened?" Meredith asked

"Have you ever thought he was relieved because you didn't plan it? Because maybe right now wasn't the best time for you to have a baby? It doesn't mean he'll never want to have it and you know what? He is right, Meredith. You have plenty of time to plan a pregnancy and it would be better if you in fact plan it. You are starting your residency 3rd year, you still have five more to go and a pregnancy would make it much harder" pondered Cristina

"Maybe" Meredith said thinking about the scenario Cristina just presented. She never thought about it and maybe Cristina was right

"What happened today?" Cristina asked not putting the pieces together.

"There was this crime, ten years ago" Meredith said letting Cristina more confused

"It almost destroyed his family and now he found out the responsible" said Meredith "He flew to Iowa to get the guy in jail"

"Oh my God, Alex will kill him" said Cristina thinking it was what scared Meredith

"Oh my God, Alex will kill him" said Meredith jumping off the couch . How could she not thought about it before. She was oblivious to this. Alex would kill whoever touched Sarah. The wrath she saw in his eyes when he left was horrifying. How could she be so stupid? It wasn't like the guy robbed their house, he raped Sarah, he abused of his sister and Alex and his family dealed with the consequences of that night for ten years. It explained why he was so protective over Sarah.

"We need to stop him, Cristina"

* * *

_To Be Continued_

_Disclaimer: Whatever it Takes lyrics used in this chapter belong to Jason Wade and Jude Cole. Whatever it Takes is a Lifehouse song, that based this whole story._


	31. Whatever it Takes Part II

* * *

**Reflections of Love - Chapter 31**

**Whatever It Takes - Part II**

* * *

"He doesn't answer" said Meredith flapping her mobile while pacing in the living room

"There was no flight to any city on Iowa State this morning. The attendant told me there is a flight to Cedar Rapids at noon and another to Des Moines at 1:25pm" said Cristina as she hung up Meredith's house phone.

"Which one is closer to Iowa city?" asked Meredith

"Do you think I remember Geo, Mer? And it doesn't matter, we should go to Tacoma and look for him. She told me both flights leave from central terminal" said Cristina who was thinking much clearer than Meredith in that moment

"Let's go to Sea-Tac" said Meredith grabbing her purse and her Jeep keys

"I'll drive" said Cristina

"Why?" asked Meredith

"Because you are in no condition" said Cristina taking the keys from Meredith

They headed to Tacoma and Meredith didn't say a word. She really believed Alex would kill whoever had rapped Sarah. She thought about how he felt guilty and all the pain he carried all those years. Her heart broke in millions of parts. Alex was someone that life didn't spare of anything. An abusing father, a dead brother and a raped sister. Meredith felt bad about the way she been acting towards her boyfriend in the last days. He didn't deserve such treatment and she wanted to make up for him.

"You can come back to the hospital after you leave me in the airport" said Meredith

"I'll help you find him" said Cristina

"No, it is better for him if I'm alone. You have to go back. Let Torres know we are going to Iowa and we will probably be back on Wednesday" said Meredith

"Are you sure?" Cristina asked unsure

"Yes. We need a moment and Alex needs me. I have to make up for the last weeks. I have to be there for him and especially I have to ensure he won't make anything stupid"

"Okay, call me if you need me" said Cristina pulling over the car

"Thanks" said Meredith stepping out

* * *

She headed directly to the airlines companies and asked about which flight would make her closer to Iowa City. The attendant advised her to take Cedar Rapids and she booked a seat. She tried to find out if Alex was in that flight but the attendant didn't let her know.

Leaving the airline counter she started to look for Alex. She looked in the gate of their flight but she couldn't find him anywhere. She looked in the restaurants and stores but he wasn't there either. She tried to think where he could be but she couldn't imagine a quiet place in an airport. She thought about to call for him in the airport speaker but he wouldn't pay enough attention to what it was saying. Remembering about the bridge that gives access to Concourse D, Meredith leaded to there in hope to find him.

Alex was in the bridge looking the airplanes arriving and leaving. She spotted him and her heart skipped a beat.

"Hey" she said standing behind him

"What are you doing here?" he asked quickly looking to her

"I booked me a ticket for Cedar Rapids, I hope that's your flight"

"This is none of your business" he said looking back to the airplanes

"Yes, it is" she said following his eyes to the runaway

"Go home, Meredith. Stay out of this" he said with a harsh tone

"You don't have to do it by yourself, Lex. It is my business because you are my business. I love you and I won't let you to do this by yourself or to do something stupid" she said squeezing his arm

"You are barely talking to me" he said with bitterness in his voice

"I'm sorry about that. It was a great disappointment to me. I always thought about being a mother." her voice cracked

"I was hurt also, Meredith. I didn't plan it, I never expected but the moment it happened it gave me a chance to have a life with you, I embraced it. Not only because of the baby but also because we will be a family" he said looking to her for the first time, pain in every inch of his face "I can't do this, Meredith. I love you more than anything else but it hurts and I don't know if I can handle any more pain. You are constanting avoiding me. It seems like you blamed me. One day you were there with me and the next you weren't and since then no matter what I do I can't reach you. All I want is to be with you, have a life with you but you keep making it impossible. And you know what is worse? I feel the problem isn't me. I feel it is you. I don't know what happened that day in the ferry crash and I don't want to talk about it if you don't but sometimes I feel you just give up... give up on life. This is how I feel now, like you gave up on living because you are not cold with me, but with Cristina, with patients, with everyone" he said frustrated.

"I never knew you wanted to have a family" she confessed

"I never knew you wanted kids" he admitted

"I want to have a family with you, Alex, I want you to be part of every moment of my life for the next eighty years" she said with tears in her eyes, melting his heart

"There is nothing I want more than this, baby" he said burying her face in his hands and kissing her deeply and passionately "But I need to know you are there. I know I don't have a right to ask you this but I'll ask it anyway, don't ever do it again. It breaks me. I feel like you slipping out of my hands. It is not like I'm losing my girlfriend but it feels like I am losing you, all of you, like you are fading away and Meredith, there is nothing more painful than this feeling. I can't do it and I won't ask you to break up with me because I would lose you and you would still be fading and I need you. I want you and I want you to fight it. Whatever it is. I don't want you to fix it for me I want you to fix it for you because you are this great woman that had this crappy life and you are hanging on the cords because you must be tired of fighting. But just stand up and I will hold you, your fights are not only yours anymore Mer" he said bringing her closer and closer to his chest and both looking to the runaway

"I saw a shrink last week" she confessed "I didn't know what else to do. I blamed you, I blamed myself, I blamed our relationship, I put all my frustration on you because I thought you were relieved I was never pregnant" she said letting her tears fall

"I was relieved, Meredith, because it was all sudden, because I wouldn't have time to figure out how to be a daddy. I was happy but I was afraid. I was afraid to fail. I want to be a good dad, Mer, I don't want to be like my father" he said caressing her hair

"You will never be like your father, Lex. You are a great man and though life wasn't your friend you just turned it around and became this incredible man that is honored and honest above all"

"Maybe I should see a shrink as well" he said reflecting on all issues he had unsolved inside

"Maybe. I couldn't say a word in one hour but it helps to just be there. Maybe eventually I'll talk"

"You have to talk. There is no point to go there and don't talk. We both are damaged goods Meredith. And I love you and I don't want to only have you in my arms like now but I want you whole and healed and I may need to be whole and healed either. I want you to be happy and I want, if possible, to there with you and for you but if you can't, if you can't do a relationship right now I'll understand, just promise me you will talk to the shrink, that you will try to heal all this damage, that you will try somehow, whatever you can make now. Baby steps if that's you can do, I'll be there in front of you with my arms wide open if you lose your balance" he said

"Baby steps, I can do that" she said

"Thank you" he said holding her tighter

They remained on silence for several minutes. It was comforting and refreshing to be close to each other again. Not only physically but close to their hearts. They always got each other because they had been through the same fights though right now Alex's seemed much worse now.

"Thank you" she said breaking the silence

"What is that for?" he asked not understanding his girlfriend

"For being there for me. You said you couldn't ask me to try but in fact you can. Thanks for being so kind and understanding. Anyone never did it to me. I always felt like I had to be someone else to please people. To please my dad, that abandoned me, to please my mother that despised me, to please the girls that didn't want to have a friend like me, to please boyfriends that didn't get my dark and twisted life. I felt like I was never enough and now you say all this words..." her voice failed and her tears finally broke her eyes edge "you are so understanding and you don't care about yourself you just want me to be whole and healed for me, for me to have a better life. You never asked me to be someone else and now that you could either break up with me and just pressure me to change, you just stretch your hand and ask me to only give a step. Nobody ever did it to me"

"Oh honey" he said with his heart totally broke. He said all those things because he only cared for her to recover, for her to fight for her happiness and life. He was oblivious people always had pushed her so hard. "How could I ask you to be someone else if I fell in love with you because you are my dark and twisty Mer? I only want you to take the first breath and if I need I will breathe for you the rest of the way, just tell me. I know you don't like to rely on people and I know how is to be turned down when you do but you can rely on me and I will rely on you because baby we are stronger together"

"I will never forget it" she said

* * *

Their heart to heart was emotionally exhausting especially because both already felt emotionally drained but they felt right and for people like them feeling right was odd. Alex could forget of the reason he was in the airport briefly but soon he recovered his mind

"I don't want to involve you in any of this" he said

"I don't want you to do it by yourself, let's start the rely thing now. I know it would be very hard for you and I know your instinct will be to kill him. I can't let you do it. He will pay for what he did to Sarah and to your family but you don't have to pay anything else. You already paid in these ten years for something that wasn't your fault" she said caressing his face and looking to him

"If I had heard her and took her home, nothing of that had happened" he confessed as a tear fell down his cheek

"You didn't know that would happened" she said

"I'm her big brother, I'm supposed to protect her and I failed." He said

"You may have failed but now it's your chance to make up." she said "We are fallible people Alex, there is no way you can protect me or Sarah all the time. You failed but it is not your fault because you are not supposed to be there all the time. No one is"

"I know but it doesn't make me feel better"

"It will never feel better. But you need to get rid of this guilt because it wasn't your fault"

"It is not fair" he said burying his head on her shoulder and sobbing hard

"I know, it isn't. But now it will be less unfair. He will be in jail for the rest of his life"

"It is not enough" he murmured

"I know, honey, I know" she said wrapping her arms around him

* * *

She comforted him during the few hours they spent in the airport. Their flight was on-time and in the middle of the night they arrived at Iowa City. They spent the night in one hotel and planned to be in the police station the first thing in the morning. Meredith had convinced him to don't go to Iowa University. They should go straight to the station and report the facts happened ten years ago. In fact back on 1998 they reported Sarah rape and the detectives closed the case after a few months without any progress as Sarah couldn't help the cops. She was barely able to describe him and his common features made the research very hard to the detectives.

Alex remembered the cop that was responsible for her case. Detective Paul Schumir. They headed to the same office Alex had been years ago and looked for the middle age agent. Paul was now responsible for the district and remembered incredibly well about Sarah's case it was one of the cases they failed to solve that he never got over. A fourteen years old raped and left unconcious in the backyard was shocking in Iowa City. Alex described the events about one year ago when his sister recognized the man that broke her. Paul looked for the records of Martin Jordan and once a student had filled a report against him but they couldn't prove anything and he was released. Paul told Alex that though Sarah had recognized him in the cafeteria of the University she would had to recognize him when they arrest him. Alex wasn't comfortable with this situation but there was nothing he could do.

Still during the morning the cops found Martin Jordan in one of his classes in the Nursing school and he was arrested for the rape of Sarah Lisa Kavev on July, 19th of 1998. Meredith told Alex to do not go to the police station to recognize Martin. It would be better for him to never know how he looks because his face would probably haunt him for the rest of his life. Alex didn't agree at first but he decided to take her advice. Paul provided Alex the documentation he should present in the hospital to justify their absence for three days as they helped United States justice to be done.

Sarah didn't have to travel to Iowa as Martin lawyers convinced him to confess his crime. He would probably escape from be in jail for all his life but Karev's lawyers wouldn't let him take less than thirty years for the rape of a fourteen years old child. After all arrangements with his lawyers, Meredith and Alex left in the Wednesday afternoon back to Seattle and Alex felt like the weight of the world he carried over those ten years were finally removed from his shoulders. As Meredith said it wasn't fair but at least now it was less unfair.

* * *

Back on Seattle, they followed with the course of their lives but Alex had more in his mind. He decided to wait more for a couple of weeks but he definitely had a plan.

Looking to Meredith still asleep and listening to her snoring Alex was wondering their weekend

Some minutes later she finally opened her eyes

"Saturday night, you and me, Il Terrazzo Carmine" he said kissing his girlfriend good morning

"Why are we going to Carmine?" she asked blinking her eyes against the light

"We are celebrating" he said

"Celebrating what?"

"Anniversary" he told kissing her

"How do you know when we started dating?" she said kissing his neck

"October 16th of 2007. I found the receipt of the bank cashier the other day"

"I like this date" she said smiling

"This was the best year of my life" he said kissing her

"What about we start celebrating now?" said her rolling over him and kissing him with passion

"I'm all for celebration" he said quickly answering her sex invitation

* * *

It felt like forever but finally Saturday night arrived. Meredith bought a dress after Lexie and Izzie had babbled all week on her head. _This is a special occasion. He is being romantic, Meredith. You need to look fabulous. Carmine is so romantic, a new dress is a must._ Meredith didn't have any intention to buy a new dress but she would give anything to shut her roommates up. She bought an Ivory satin with nude lace insets, V neckline and spaghetti straps. It was seamed on her breast with spaghetti straps and an A-Line skirt. A simple dress but very charming

"Wow you look great" said Lexie with a hand on her mouth

"You are gorgeous, Mer" completed Izzie smiling on her friend

"This was totally unnecessary, but you didn't let go" complained Meredith looking to the mirror. She was proud of her catch. The dress was beautiful and it seemed to be made for her

"It was totally necessary and you liked. You can't deny you loved this dress" said Izzie

"It is nice dress" she said trying to show disdain

"It is the perfect dress for you" said Lexie when they heard the bell rang

"It must be him" said Izzie standing up "I'm going ahead to open the door so you can make your triumphant entrance" said her storming out the room not giving Meredith a chance to react

"Seriously, is this Titanic, because though the dress is beautiful, it is simple, it is Ivory for God' sake" said Meredith smirking

"Can you believe you are going to celebrate one year dating Alex Karev. You and Evil Spawn together for one year!!!" she said excited and also surprised

"I know. It is funny how I couldn't handle McDreamy but found my soul mate on Evil Spawn"

"You are meant to be" said Lexie

"I think we are. I never felt so free and so happy. It wasn't easy but it was totally worthy" she confessed

"Dark and twisted Meredith and Evil Spawn Alex. I think you should have this in your wedding invitation" said Lexie joking

"Only if your says Manwhore Sloan and Rambling Little Grey because you have your own against all odds relationship"

"Yeah, I do, but Mark isn't half romantic and in love as Alex is."

"He is lovely indeed" said Meredith about her boyfriend

"And you should go before he has an anxious attack" said Izzie entering the room all of sudden

"Okay. Thank you girls, I should really buy a dress"

"We know" said Lexie and Izzie on unison rolling their eyes

Meredith appeared in the stairs and slowly started to walk down. Alex was mesmerized by her. She could see the love and the worship on his eyes.

"You look stunning. No, erase it. They broke the mold after you came into the world"

"Thank you, you look great yourself" said her looking to Alex gray suit "But I was thinking when you started being so much more corny than you already was"

"Since I got lost in your eyes"

"Seriously, let's go before I throw up" she said smirking

"Meredith!!!!! Don't ruin the moment" yelled Lexie

"You totally ruined" said Izzie

"Bye girls" said her ignoring her roommates

* * *

He drove them to Il Terrazzo Carmine and Meredith felt something was wrong. Alex was nervous, tensed. Izzie was right he was anxious and she knew something was bothering him. Anyway he did the best to do not show and she pretended to do not see. She didn't want to ruin the night for him and she knew this was special to him. She really didn't expect Alex to care this much about anniversaries but people may act surprising.

"Reservations for Alexander Karev" said Alex when they arrived

The girl looked the list of reservations and quickly found his name. "This way, please"

Their table was in a good spot. Carmine had always been one of Meredith's favorite restaurants. She used to go there and see all that happy couples and families. She didn't envy them nor had one of those depressing moments. She just felt good looking to them. She witnessed a couple of proposals but most of time it was normal people having a happy moment together. The cozy Italian environment helped a lot. It was perfect to those ordinary happy moments.

They ordered their meal and wine and still Alex looked weird. In fact he looked more tensed than before and she was almost breaking her vote of silence when she heard violins. She loved violins it was one of her favorite sounds along with rain falling and waterfalls. It was relaxing and she loved the music they played.

"I love this music" she said closing her eyes and murmuring some lyrics

"I know" he said with a grin on his face and sliding his hand over hers

The music started to play louder. In fact it wasn't louder. It was closer. The violinist was playing close to the tables from one to the other as if offering the families and couples a soundtrack to their happy and lovely hour. The hour when they weren't discussing their debts, or being jealous or talking about money and complaining about their bosses. The hour they were just tasting nice food and wine. She knew inside it wasn't true but she liked to imagine everyone there was disconnected of their daily hard routine to this moment where they were just happy people. Alex was looking oddly to her but she didn't care. She probably looked oddly herself with an easy smile on her face. Some seconds later and the violinist finally reached their table. He didn't motion quickly to the next table. In fact he stopped there. She smiled to him and he smiled to her as he had smiled to all the tables he passed by. When he smiled back she giggled as she used to do, the way Alex loved.

"You look happy" he said

"This place is special, people here are happy"

"Glad that I chose it so"

"You are perfect" she said looking to him in the eyes

He took her hand to his mouth and softly kissed her backhand. "_You_ are perfect" he said looking in her eyes either "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you" he completed "I want to spend all these rainy days off in bed with you, caressing your hair, smelling your conditioner. I want to laugh on your PMS and when you get angry looking for your lost keys. I want to eat your crappy food everyday and I want to wake by your side when I feel empty and I feel complete, when I feel happy and I feel sad, when I feel lazy and when I feel like I want to build a new world. I want to be there for you and I want you to be mine. Will you be my wife, Meredith Lily Grey?" he said taking the little velvet box out of his suit and opening to her showing the engagement ring he bought her months ago.

Meredith had tears in her eyes. His speech was beautiful and touched her heart. He was the love of her life and she had no doubt and all she wanted was to be his wife

"I will" she said standing up. Sitting on his lap, she kissed him passionately not paying attention to the usual clapping. After some seconds their lips broke apart and he took the ring box.

"I also want to spend the rest of my life with you but I will spare us both from my crappy food" she said as he rolled the ring on her finger

"I would eat it everyday and do not complain but I think we can make better for our kids" he said kissing her again

"I love you" she said in his lips

"I love you too"

* * *

THE END


	32. Sequel It is

Just for you guys to know that there is a sequel. Click on my name to see it. It is called You and Me and All Other People. I can't post the link here and I hope you guys enjoy it. It starts dark but it goes lighter until gets darker again =)

Barbara


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